


Orb of stars

by Vittra



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Braids Hair, Death is not redemption, Discussion of Abortion, Emotional Slow Burn, F/M, Knights of Ren - Freeform, Rey is Nobody (Star Wars), Swearing, The Resistance aren’t all nice (Star Wars), Tros doesn’t exist, Unplanned Pregnancy, Violence, but nothing too graphic, its a process, smut if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:41:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 76,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28034064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vittra/pseuds/Vittra
Summary: Rey and Kylo hasn’t seen each other since Crait, but a year later they both get their buzz on while celebrating Life Day and snap - the bond is once again a highway of longing. As any drunk people, they decide to make the most of it, without thinking about the consequences. There will be consequences.She turns to Rey:“Do you not have an implant?”“Implant..?”“For protection? It’s standard procedure.”Rey can feel her guts free falling. This can’t be happening, it can not be happening.“Um, no, I… don’t have one.”“Okay then, I don’t know if it’s advisable to start a family in the middle of a war but you are anyway. You’re pregnant.”
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 630
Kudos: 804





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, it’s me again! I might have thought my last fic would be my first and last but here I am, trashing away. This obviously takes place after TLJ, but has nothing to do with TROS. 
> 
> English is not my first language, please forgive my errors.

Ajan Kloss has been a rebel base for a standard year, give or take a few weeks. Rey of Jakku trains under General Organa and when she’s not training, she’s repairing whatever needs to be repaired. Fixing stuff is one of two things she’s really good at, the other thing is to wait. It feels as if she’s still waiting, like she used to do, back on Jakku, but she can’t tell why she’s waiting, or for what, or who, it’s just this constant sense of longing. Today is no different, while the entire base is buzzing with excitement, she’s a bit… detached. 

“Rey, have you seen the tree?! It’s marvelous!” Rose’s voice pulls Rey out of her head. 

Rey’s friend grabs her hand and drags her along to the edge of the jungle, where a lush tree has been transformed into a Life Day Tree. 

”It's beautiful,” Rey gasps when she sees it.

“It is, isn't it?!” Rose squeals, while clapping her hands.

Rose has worked together with Chewie, and she’s spent weeks on making traditional orbs, filled with small lights, after the Wookie’s description. Rose must’ve produced at least a hundred orbs, that’s now littered all over the tree, making the visual effect astonishing, since every orb looks like a tiny sphere full of glowing stars. Rey, among others, has spent the last week tying strings to various metal objects, such as screws, bolts and broken electronic components, and they’re now hanging from every branch of the tree, glimmering in the orbs’ soft light. Rey had been completely dumbfounded by the idea, but played along for Rose’s sake, but Rey now realizes that her friend is kind of a genius. 

Last year there had been no Life Day celebration, due to everything that had happened during their evacuation, and on Crait, but this year Chewie insisted. Along the tree line there’s tables waiting to be filled with food, everyone has been pitching in with ideas and recipes from their home worlds. Rey can’t cook, but she can hunt, and she’s provided with some kind of big flightless birds that’s now roasting over several pits of burning coals. The scent rising up over the camp is enough to make a grown woman cry, that’s for sure. Poe and Finn just got back from their supply run, and it’s basically just crate after crate of alcoholic beverages, enough to give every rebel a chance to wake up with a blazing headache tomorrow. During the last year the Resistance has grown into a couple of hundred rebels, but as of late the recruiting has been slower, maybe because the new Supreme leader keeps a lower profile than his precursor. Rey had been surprised when Kylo Ren didn’t mention her in any way when he informed the galaxy of the passing of Snoke, and declared himself Supreme leader, instead he’d claimed Snoke had died of old age. The creature had been old, of course, but the light saber through his torso probably played a bigger part in his untimely death than his age. Rey isn't unhappy with Kylo’s lie, this way nobody but her and Chewie knows about her failed mission to the Supremacy. Well, except for Kylo Ren, but she never thinks of him anymore, so he doesn’t count. To be honest, she does occasionally think of him, very intensely, for a couple of minutes at the time, but the prize for those moments is to endure an all consuming shame for weeks afterwards, so she tries to avoid it all together. They haven’t connected through the Force since she shut the door of the Falcon, and at first it had been Rey who kept her mind sealed, furious as she’d been, but after a couple of months she had tried to reach out, only to find the bond between them limp and unresponsive. He’s shutting her out, that bastard, as if she wanted anything to do with him, she’d just been curious to see if the bond worked. It’s still there, but she can only pick up faint waves of his emotions from time to time, otherwise it’s as good as dead. Tonight there’ll be no thinking of force bonds, him, the state of the galaxy, or anything else, she’ll just focus on the food, her friends and the contents of Finn and Poe’s crates. 

✨  
  


Supreme leader Kylo Ren stumbles back to his quarters onboard the Finalizer. General Hux had finally been able to persuade him into hosting an official event to celebrate the new leader of the First Order, an absolute necessity according to Hux. They’re currently hovering over Coruscant and everyone that’s anyone is crammed together in a hangar transformed into a ballroom, (with winter themed decorations, as tradition bids it on Life Day, even though Kashyyyk is a tropical planet - it’s messed up if you ask Kylo, but nobody does) and Kylo has only been able to make it through the night by drinking a bit more than what’s advisable for a man of his importance. When Hux had realized the extent of his superior’s intoxication, he’d forced Kylo to leave, before he accidentally, or not so accidentally, started to choke the most annoying people at the party. So here he is, the Supreme leader of the galaxy, in his chambers on a fucking time-out. Kylo shrugs out of his cape, flinging it into the laundry drop, and stalks to his liquor cabinet. He picks a bottle of Corellian whiskey, ignoring any thoughts of his father, and sits down in a massive leather armchair. Force, he forgot a glass! It can’t be helped, he’ll have to do without because he’s not getting up again. He takes a sip, straight out the bottle, and leans back. He shouldn’t drink, it makes not thinking about the scavenger a lot harder than usual. It’s been more than a standard year since he last saw her, and still he needs every ounce of discipline to not reach for their bond. She’s alive, he knows that much, and it should be enough. It’s not though, not at all enough, he wanted her to stay with him and she left. Now he has to walk through this life of endless responsibility, paperwork and idiotic advisors alone, and she’d told him he wasn’t but he definitely is very much alone. He takes a huge gulp of whiskey, to suppress the sudden sense of shame washing over him, when he thinks about how he’d begged her to stay. 

✨

Rey walks out of the fresher into her small bedroom, aiming for the door in order to get back to the festivities. But something tugs in her mind, the world warps, and suddenly she’s standing a foot away from the Supreme leader. He’s sitting in a brown armchair, head tilted back with his eyes closed, and a bottle of whiskey dangling from his hand. Rey wonders if there’s any possibility to sneak out without him noticing, but then he opens his eyes. 

“Rey,” his voice is hoarse, “it’s been awhile.”

“Ben,” she retorts.

“That’s not my name,” he sighs, “you know that.”

“You’re drunk.”

“And you, you seem to be partying as well,” Kylo gestures vaguely at the dress she borrowed from Rose.

“It’s Life Day.”

“I know,” he squints at her, “I think you’re drunk too.”

“A little.”

He hums and shuts his eyes again. Rey knows she should leave, but she can’t. This man has been the center of her non-thoughts for such a long time, and she just wants to look at him for a little while. The scar she gave him has faded but it’s still there, and his hair is a tad longer than she remembers, but all and all he’s looking pretty much the same. He suddenly jerks upright, and extends the bottle towards her.

“Do you want a drink?”

She shouldn’t. 

“Okay.”

She can feel his eyes on her as she sips his whiskey. Oh Force, this is messed up. She had almost started to believe that the energy she’d felt between them had been a result of her imagination, but the burning sensation in her stomach can’t be fully explained by the alcohol. She takes another sip, and hands the bottle back to him. The silence stretches, and she blurts out the first thing she can think of:

“Do you ever wonder how your life would be without the Force?”

“Not really…” he knits his brows together.

“You would be a stuck up senator's son and I would be... maybe a mechanic?”

“Without the Force you would be a corpse in the Jakku desert, and that would have been a waste.”

This is spiraling out of her control. Yet she doesn’t do anything to save the situation, on the contrary actually.

“Do you really think so?”

He’s pinning her down with his gaze.

“Yes.”

Rey swallows.

“Could we… just for this connection… pretend we’re not on the opposite sides of a war?”

“No,” he growls and Rey’s heart reacts by beating a billion beats per minute.

“Why?”

He gets up on his feet, towering over her, and he’s standing way too close.

“If we weren't on the opposite side of a war, this meeting would turn out very differently.”

Rey can scarcely breathe. 

“Yes, you’re probably right.”

She steps even closer. There’s not more than a few inches between them, just as it had been in that elevator a lifetime ago, and Rey reaches out, placing a hand over his chest. 

“You should go,” he rumbles, his voice vibrating under her hand.

“Why?” she asks again.

“Because if you don’t,” his hand is suddenly behind her neck, “I’ll probably try to get _this_ meeting to turn out differently.”

“And if I wouldn’t stop you?”

He closes the gap between them, claiming her lips with his and Rey will regret this tomorrow, but not now, definitely not now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wouldn’t classify this as smut, but it’s an entire chapter of baby making, if you need a heads up 😅 we’ll return to angst next time.

It’s as easy to kiss her as it was to fight by her side. She melts into him, and Force, how many times has he thought about this? She’s tugging his tunic, prompting him to pull it over his head along with his undershirt, before dropping the garments on the floor. She’s staring at him, like, really staring, and he can feel his ears burning.

“What is it?” he mutters.

“Nothing,” she mumbles, sounding aloof, “it’s just… you’re… you’re beautiful.”

He barks a short laugh and jerks her back into his arms. He’s many things, and beautiful isn’t one of them, but if she’s delirious enough to think he is, he won’t tell her otherwise. She doesn’t return to his mouth, instead she’s tracing every scar on his body with her lips and fingers, and he’s quite possibly dying tonight. They land, rather clumsily, on her bed, there’s limbs everywhere and he can’t believe she lets him touch her. She presses kisses along the scar she gave him.

“This,” she breathes, almost inaudible, “is my favorite.”

He huffs, not wanting to give her confirmation of what she already knows, that she’s the only one in this universe with any hold of him. He starts to unbutton her dress, there’s a million buttons, and he wants to open all of them, as if it’s wrapping paper for a Life Day gift. She patiently waits for him to fumble a few of them open, her skin hot under his fingers.

“You’re too drunk for buttons!”, she suddenly hisses, and somehow manages to yank the dress over her head.

Wherever she is, she gets her fair amount of sun, because she’s tanned, with freckles littered all over. Kylo gasps at the sight, realizing his own ridiculous fantasies of her body are insulting to her _actual_ body. 

“You’re the beautiful one,” he murmurs, like the idiot he is.

She giggles, and it’s a sound that’ll haunt him, he’s sure of it, Force help him. He palms every inch of her, while kissing her neck, and she sighs in his hair, another sound that’ll echo through his head until the end of time. He retreats a few inches and mumbles;

“You do have an implant?”

Her eyes grow wide. Oh fuck.

✨

Rey freezes. She’s planned to get the implant for ages, but she’s been putting it off, since she’s about as single as can be and she hasn’t needed protection. Until now, obviously, when the one thing she’s tried so hard to not think about, while also wanting it so bad, is _happening_. She can feel his hesitation, and she can tell he’s about to retreat even further. She can’t have that. 

“You’re not really here, right? It’s just this once, it’s fine, it doesn’t matter,” she blabbers, while tightening her grip of his insane shoulders. 

“Are you sure?” his voice is intoxicating, she would agree to anything he told her to do.

“Yes.”

Oh, the sensation of him covering her body with his, every nerve in her body is going off as fireworks, and she breathes the smallest of moans.

“Fuck,” he groans, “don’t hold back.”

“The walls are,” she murmurs between kisses, “paper thin.”

“ _Fine,_ ” his lips brushes her jaw, “quietly then, but you better moan in my fucking ear.”

She gasps in response.

“Good girl,” he purrs. 

“I should pull out,” he mutters after quite some time.

“No!” she squeals.

“But I…”

“I know.”

He really should pull out. But she can’t have that either. 

“Turn over,” she tells him, and he does.

She watches his eyes roll back under his eyelids when she sinks down on him, but after that she’s refusing to move. He’s a gorgeous mess, with flustered cheeks, swollen lips and chest heaving, and it’s a mess she’s made. Kylo opens his eyes, trying to figure out why she’s suddenly unmoving. Something wicked courses through her. 

“Who gets to see you like this?”

“Please,” he whines, instead of answering.

“No, no,” she leans down closer to his face, “answer the question, _Supreme leader_ , who gets to see you like this?”

He sighs, and grits his teeth. His eyes are pitch black, blown wide, and her breath hitches when he grabs her jaw with one hand without breaking eye contact.

“Just you,” he growls, sounding lethal.

“Good,” she grins, and rewards his honesty by starting to move again.

One of his hands holds her hip in a bruising grip, and the other finds its way to where she needs it most. 

“Please,” he pants, “let me see you, please…”

The combination of his clever fingers and the fact that she has the galaxy’s mightiest man falling apart underneath her, begging _her_ for salvation, sends her over the edge, crying his name, she doesn’t know which one, and he follows a second later.

✨

The Force allows him to hold her for mere seconds, before he slams down on the floor of his quarters. It probably should’ve hurt, but he’s too dazed from alcohol and afterglow to notice. He stays on the floor for a minute or two, and then half crawls to his bed, passing out before he’s even started to process what just happened.

✨

Rey falls face first into a pillow, that now smells like him, when he disappears. She breaths his scent for a moment, but the realization of what she just did suddenly hits her like a ton of bricks. She kriffing slept with Kylo fucking Ren. And she didn’t even try to stop him, no, he tried to stop _her,_ but she’d practically begged the enemy of the whole kriffing galaxy to fuck her. 

“FUCK,” she exclaims, and decides she needs another drink. 

She returns to her room after another hour of heavy drinking, now definitely far beyond drunk, and she almost falls over when her feet tangle up in a pile of black fabric. She knows the lingering clothes means something, but her brain is swimming in alcohol and she can’t figure it out. Instead of pondering she shoves the garments in the empty drawer of her dresser, and goes to bed.


	3. Chapter 3

When Rose finds Rey it’s already noon. Rey is clinging to her toilet, and her body is desperately trying to rid itself from toxins and memories.

“Hi there,” Rose says softly, “how are you?”

“Fantastic,” Rey mutters, “never better.”

“Do you think you can eat? It’s lunch.”

Rey hasn’t passed a offered meal in her life, and she’s not about to start either.

“Yeah, alright, food might do the trick.”

Rey washes her face, ties her hair back in a single bun and walks, a bit wobbly, to the cafeteria with Rose by her side. Rose offers to bring some food to the table, Rey agrees, and sits down by Finn and Poe, who’s already eating. She hardly manages to greet them, before hiding her face in the crook of her arm, resting both arm and head on the table top. 

“You sure did go all in,” Poe snickers.

“You need to learn your limits,” Finn’s unable to keep his delight out of his voice. 

“I know,” Rey groans without raising her head, “I feel like I’m dying…”

Did she really sleep with him last night? Maybe it was just a dream? Surely she wouldn’t be so stupid, even if she happend to be drunk? Force, what if somebody heard them?! Rose returns with a tray with various fruits, an egg and the largest glass of water Rey has ever seen. 

“Thank you,” she mumbles, and starts to eat.

Food turns out to be a good idea, she’s still unbelievably hung over, but she feels a bit better. Physically that is, her mental state is a complete disaster. She _did_ sleep with him, and the worst thing is she kind of wouldn’t mind another round, but it can’t happen again. _Ever_. 

✨ 

“Supreme leader,” Hux's voice cuts through Kylo’s dreams.

Kylo startles awake, grabbing the comm and mutters:

“Yes?”

“Turn on channel 3.”

“Why?”

“Just do it!”

Kylo sighs, but he does as he's told, grabbing the remote on his nightstand and soon a holo of himself is floating in front of him. A shrill woman’s voice rambles:

“Never did anyone expect the leader of the galaxy to be so _young,_ but last night he stepped out in the public eye for the first time, at the First Order’s annual Life Day celebration, and I’m happy to confirm that Supreme leader Kylo Ren is young, tall _and_ handsome.”

The holo cuts to a young woman, and she giggles when she’s asked to share her impression of the Supreme leader.

“He’s simply too good to be true,” the girl smiles, “he’s leading this galaxy with such grace, and that hair! I bet he's rich too!”

The holo once again shows Kylo, he’s seemingly listening attentively to yet another woman, Kylo can’t for the life of him remember who she was or what she said, and the voice-over keeps on gushing over his debut. 

“The event was a massive success for the new leadership of the First Order, and our new leader left us with a desire to see more of him. Rumours have it, he’s _unmarried_ and I dare to say that after last night he’s the most eligible bachelor in the galaxy—”

Kylo turns the holo off, with burning cheeks. 

“Did you see it?”

“Yes,” Kylo groans.

“It couldn’t have been better,” Hux sounds almost giddy, “everyone is talking about you!”

For a man who’s spent the past years under a mask it’s hard to follow the General’s logic.

“How’s that a good thing?”

“Don’t you see? People who sympathize with their leader don't rebel!”

Kylo’s head hurts.

“Send a meddroid to my room.”

“But…” Hux is obviously not done talking.

“Now, Hux. You’re dismissed.”

He doesn’t wait for an answer, before switching the comm off.

✨

The entire Resistance has squeezed together in the cafeteria in order to watch the HoloNet’s coverage of the First Order gala. Rey wonders if one can die of shame. The feelings of her fellow rebels are easy to read, as they scream a steady stream of curses at the holo showing the man she shared a bed with last night. The holo-lady goes on and on and when she elaborates on his looks Finn howls:

“Are you blind woman?! He’s not attractive whatsoever! Have you seen that nose?!”

Everybody laughs, but Rey. She forces herself to smile, and simultaneously restrain an impulse to smack Finn’s face.

✨

The meddroid worked wonders on Kylo’s hangover and he’s now in his study, trying to read the latest security briefing. It’s difficult though, since his memory of last night is fuzzy at best, and fragments of _her_ keep floating up from his subconscious. Force, he’s like a kriffing teenager! Her skin had been softer than anything he ever felt, her mouth hot, and fuck, he would do anything to hear her call his name, he doesn’t care which one, like _that_ one more time. But she’d been very clear - it had been a one time offer, and the limp bond between them tells him she’d meant what she said. Just as good, the galaxy doesn't run itself, and the last thing he needs is _distractions_. Kylo returns to the situation on Ruwee, a former monarchy, where the old kingsguard has clashed with Kylo’s stormtroopers. Snoke would’ve forced them into submission, but Kylo is determined to do things differently. Ruwee will get one chance to work it out diplomatically, and if they don’t cooperate, he’ll make them. 

✨ 

Rey uses her hangover as an excuse to go to bed early. She lies awake in her bed, unable to fall asleep even though she hardly slept the night before. He’s there, as soon as she shuts her eyes, and kriff Finn, he’s _attractive._ She blushes when she remembers that she called him ‘beautiful’, and even harder when she thinks of his voice when he demanded her to moan in his ear. She’s positively boiling internally when her mind plays his growl on repeat; _justyoujustyoujustyou._ The Supreme leader pleaded to her… Force! She’d promised herself she wouldn’t think of him, and definitely not _thinking of him_ , but maybe just tonight? Yes, she’ll allow herself one time in the flesh and one time in her head, and after that - no more, it’s a promise.


	4. Chapter 4

She doesn’t keep the promise. It’s worse than ever, she _thinks_ of him every night, and after each failed attempt to _not think of him,_ she swears it was the last time. The HoloNet isn’t helping, his face is on every channel, all the time, with hosts who dissect everything about him. She even saw a sequence where they discussed the meaning behind the different shades of black he wore at the gala. It’s been almost two weeks, and the buzz surrounding the party is slowly dying down, but the press has found another thing to focus on: when will he be seen again? 

“Hopefully never,” Rose scoffs, as the gang eats their dinner in Finn’s room, in front of HoloNews. 

“Right, I can’t believe he’s suddenly _popular_? Snoke’s rabid dog - breaker of hearts. Literally!” Poe exclaims.

Finn agrees by making gagging sounds.

“But he’s better than Snoke, right?” Rey hears herself say.

Three pairs of eyes stare at her, all of them combined with open mouths. 

“Are you insane?!” Finn half-shouts, “what about Ruwee just last week?!”

“They said on the news they signed the treaty willingly…” her voice wavers at the end.

“Yeah, because he had a kriffing _Star fighter_ packed with troopers in orbit! That’s not consent, Rey, it’s blackmailing!”

Rey nods.

“You’re right, you’re right.”

“You sound like kriffing Leia,” Poe sighs.

“Hush!” Rose wheezes at him.

“What, it’s just us here?”

“You never know who’s listening, and Leia will skin us alive if the truth gets out!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry,” Poe raises his hands in defeat.

“Do you still have my dress, by the way?” Rose turns to Rey, changing the subject.

Ah, the dress. Rey hasn’t seen it since Kylo used his ridiculously big fingers to unbutton it.

“It should be in my room somewhere,” Rey gets up, “I’ll go and see if I can find it.”

Rey walks swiftly through the corridors back to her room, where there’s not a whole lot of places to lose a dress. She checks under her bed, in the laundry bin, the top drawer of the dresser, the second drawer and finally the third, and there it is! Mashed together with… Rey’s eyes grow twice their usual size. It’s his clothes. In her drawer. Two weeks after they saw each other, and they’re still there?! Force help her, this can’t be good.

✨

“We need to discuss your next outing”, Hux states from across the table. 

“No, you told me it was just one time,” Kylo mutters, even though he already knows the General will talk him over.

“Yes, but that was before you became _famous_! Everyone wants a piece of the new Supreme leader, and it would be a PR-suicide not to run with it”. 

Kylo pinces the bridge of his nose. He and Hux had a rough couple of weeks right after Snoke’s death, and Kylo had considered getting rid of the General, but decided to keep him around. The man is still the most annoying human being Kylo has ever met, but he’s loyal to the Order and his strategic input is, Kylo flinches at the thought, invaluable. 

“What do you suggest?” Kylo sighs. 

“I know you dislike parties,” Hux begins, “so I was thinking, maybe you should do what you do best?”

“And what would that be?”

“Killing people, sir. Not just random people, bad people, we’ll find you some slavers or a gang of thugs and you and your knights can swoop in to save the day, in front of a camera, of course.”

Kylo hasn’t seen real action in over a year, the last time he actually _fought_ was in the throne room. He would lie if he said he didn’t miss it.

“Say I do this…” Kylo murmurs, “there can’t be any ties to the Resistance.”

Hux knows better than to question him, but Kylo still elaborates:

“They would use it for their propaganda, playing the martyr and in the worst case we would serve them new rebels on a plate.”

“Yes, of course sir, I’ll make sure there’s no ties.” 

Kylo wakes up in the middle of the night, and she’s next to him. Their beds bleed together, and her face is lit up by a sliver of moonlight. At first he thinks she’s meditating; her eyes are shut but she’s clearly not sleeping. A soft gasp makes him realize what she’s _actually_ doing. Force, help him!

✨ 

“I could help you with that,” Kylo rumbles, and Rey’s eyes fly open. 

She’s mortified. This is so bad, so, so bad.

“No!” she snarls, “no, no, no, no, no! _No_!”

✨

Her rejection makes him recoil as if he’s been burned, breaking the connection and he’s alone again. 

✨

In retrospect telling him ‘no’ seven times in a row might have been excessive. She reaches for the bond, but it’s as limp as it has been this past year, meaning he’s shutting her out again. Well, it’s for the best, really, she can’t keep on yearning for a psychopath, and starting tomorrow she’ll never think of him again. 

✨ 

What was he thinking? ‘ _I_ _could help’,_ who says stuff like that? Why would _anyone_ use that line?! Kylo tries to end his miserable life with a pillow over his face, and if it doesn’t do the trick, the shame will.

✨

“Rey? Are you okay?” Finn’s voice is muffled to the door of the fresher connecting to the cafeteria.

Everything she just ate returned to the outside, and it’s a culmination of the queasiness Rey’s been feeling the last couple of days. 

“Force Rey, are you being sick?”

“Yes,” she squeaks, sweating even though she’s chilled to the bone. 

“Did you drink without me last night?!”

“No!”

Finn’s silent for a moment.

“Who’s the father then?” 

“WHAT?!”

“Easy, I’m just kidding,” he’s actually laughing, and Rey considers kicking his ass, but before any decision is made, she has to return to the toilet.

“Jokes aside, you should go see a doctor. Do you want company?”

“No, I’ll go on my own, thank you.”

Rey stumbles over to the med bay. A severe woman with grey hair listens to her heart, checks her reflexes, palpates her stomach and takes a few blood samples. She feeds the samples to a weird looking computer, and after a few minutes she turns to Rey:

“Do you not have an implant?”

“Implant..?”

“For _protection_? It’s standard procedure.”

Rey can feel her guts free falling. This can’t be happening, it _can not_ be happening.

“Um, no, I… don’t have one.”

“Okay then, I don’t know if it’s advisable to start a family in the middle of a war but you are anyway. You’re pregnant.”

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains discussions and thoughts of abortion.

“No.”

“Have you been having intercourse the past few weeks?”

She wouldn’t call it _intercourse_ , but…

“Yes…”

“Did you use any other form of protection?”

“No…”

“In that case I dare to tell you that you’re 100% pregnant.”

“I can’t be…”

“You just told me you could.”

“But I can’t…”

“Do you want an abortion?”

“What?”

“Do you want to terminate the pregnancy? You don’t seem thrilled, and as I was saying, a rebel base might not be the greatest place for a baby.”

“I… I don’t know… can I think about it?”

“Of course. Do you need something against nausea?”

“I do, actually.”

The doctor leaves the room, and comes back with a small jar. 

“Take one every fourth hour and you should feel okay.”

“Okay, I’ll do that…”

Rey gets up and falters to the door, before turning around on her heel with her arm outstretched.

“I’ve a stomach flu.”

“You have a stomach flu.”

Rey doesn’t remember how she got back to her room. She obviously did, because she’s on her bed, but it’s like her brain’s shut down. She rests her hand on her stomach, it looks like it always has, but if the doctor’s right, there’s a new person inside of it. Rey takes a deep breath, closes her eyes, and reaches for the Force, seeing each and every Force signature in the galaxy as a complex, constantly shifting, string of light, mixed up with everyone else’s. It’s confusing, and disorienting, but she finds her own easily… but it’s not the same as it used to be. It’s… intertwined with… another string… not as bright as hers, but it’s most definitely _there_. Rey gasps, and opens her eyes, out of breath as if she’s been running, her heart beats frantically and her brain isn’t at all shut down anymore, instead it’s racing a million miles per hour. She’s pregnant. With child. Expecting. Knocked up. Knocked up by the galaxy’s Supreme leader, a man she spends every waking moment trying to overthrow. Excellent. Just _excellent_.

✨ 

He didn’t die from suffocation nor shame, but the burning feeling he carries for days causes him to miss the days with Snoke in his head. It had been miserable and agonizing, but he’d never felt like a pathetic crybaby. _Ben Solo_ surely had been one, but _Kylo Ren_ never needed validation from kriffing _girls_ , because Kylo had been a powerful warrior, too deep in the dark to even consider what anybody else thought of him. Well, until he met Rey. Now he’s lying awake night after night, pondering what he’ll say to her if the Force chooses to connect them again, or if she’ll even let him speak, and it’s a kind of torture he’s never endured before.

✨

Rey doesn’t leave her room. She's told her friends she’s a stomach bug, and that the doctor had ordered quarantine for a couple of days. She gets food delivered to the door, along with a few books, but she spends most of her time flat on her back trying not to panic. It’s hard though, really, really hard. She’s been alone for most of her life, but this is a new dimension of loneliness - one where she's the sole keeper of a secret that may ruin her relationship with the sort-of-family she’s found within the Resistance. She spends hours pondering whether to get an abortion or not, and one second she’s sure it’s the right thing to do, and the next she’s cradling her non-existing baby bump, crying her eyes out thinking of the possibility of a miscarriage. And in those fleeting moments between awake and asleep, she wonders if her child will have black hair, like it’s father.

✨

Kylo is in the middle of a briefing when their realities fuse again. For a moment he’s thinking he’ll let his subordinates carry on with the meeting, but then he realizes she’s _crying._

“Everyone is dismissed,” he says abruptly, in the middle of the discussion.

“Supreme leader?” Hux raises his brows.

“Everyone. Out. NOW!”, Kylo shouts.

His outbursts have been fewer since the passing of Snoke, but everyone in the room still scurries for the door, almost trampling each other, everyone but Hux, that is.

“Your temper never improves, does it?”

“Go fuck yourself, Hux! _Get_ _out_!”

Kylo slams the door shut, and turns to Rey.

“Hey…” he begins.

She doesn’t answer. Of course she doesn’t. 

“I’m… sorry… about the other night…”

Rey scuffs and raises her head, somehow managing to look like she’s about to break while also looking like she could break him.

“Do you seriously think I’m bawling over _you_?”

“I don’t know…”

Rey flies to her feet, one finger in his face.

“This might come as a surprise, but you’re _not_ the center of the universe!”

Well, he kind of _is_ , but that’s hardly the right thing to say. 

“Tell me what’s wrong then,” he demands.

She starts to cry again, covering her face with her hands. He reaches out and brushes her arm.

“ _NO!_ ” she exclaims, “Don’t touch me!”

She turns her back at him.

“Can you just leave?”

“You know I can’t…”

Her slim shoulders shivers, and Kylo stands their frozen, completely at loss, staring at her back. She won’t like it, but what choice does he have? He reaches out with the Force, his mind carefully probing hers. He finds a recent memory of her Force signature, it’s certainly hers, he would recognize it anywhere, tangled with… _another_ Force signature? He doesn’t understand. But then he does. 

“You’re pregnant,” it’s not a question.

✨

Force, how long did it take for him to figure it out? Three minutes? Rey had been planning on _never_ telling him. She squares her shoulders, and takes a deep breath.

“Yes.”

He’s silent for several endless seconds.

“Who’s… who’s the father?”

Rage flares like an explosion in her body, and she twirls around, facing him once more.

“Who the FUCK do you think the father is?!”

He looks like a kicked puppy.

“I didn’t want to… make assumptions…”

Rey takes another deep breath, calming herself. 

“Well, it’s yours,” she whispers, letting him in on the secret she’s been keeping from everyone.

He’s face softens dramatically for the blink of an eye, before it turns somber again.

“Are you keeping it?”

“I… I don’t know, I don’t…” she sniffles, but deep down she knows the answer, “I think I am?”

He’s positively _beaming,_ by Kylo Ren standards. But true to his character, he has to go and ruin the moment.

“Where are you?” he asks.

“What? It’s none of your business.”

He walks up to her, grabbing her by the shoulders, staring her down with his intense gaze.

“It _is_ my business. I’m coming to pick you up.”

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Reylo-fic is complete without Kylo throwing people out in order to Force Skype with his girl.
> 
> Soooo... do you think she’ll let him pick her up?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day? Yes! Did I write this instead of writing the report I should’ve written? Also yes.

”I said,” Rey shoves her hands against Kylo’s chest, “ _don’t touch me!”_

He doesn’t budge, but he lets go of her shoulders.

“We’re still at war, you’re not taking me anywhere!”

His eyes turn hard.

“It’s too dangerous for you to stay.”

“Dangerous _how_?”

“For starters Hux still has a small team looking for the Resistance.”

“Tell him to stop looking then.”

“And get a full riot on my hands? I don’t think so.”

“I thought you were the Supreme leader.”

“ _I am_ ,” he growls, “but doesn’t mean I can do whatever I want.” 

Rey scoffs and crosses her arms.

“You haven’t found us so far.”

“Even if we don’t find you, how safe do you think you’ll be among your own, when they find out you’re carrying _my_ child?”

“Well, they won’t find out! And even if they do, I doubt Leia will let anyone hurt her kriffing _grandchild!_ ”

“My mother,” he hisses, “may lead your pack of rebel scum, but she still believes in _democracy_! She won’t be able to control others' opinions or actions!”

“She will!”

“No. Do people even know I’m her son?”

Rey falters. 

“Of course they don’t,” he mutters, and runs his hands through his hair, “don’t you see? She chose the _cause_ over her own son, why would she do anything different this time?”

“People won’t find out.”

“Do you have someone willing to pretend to be the father?”

“I do actually, yeah.”

Kylo squints at her.

“The traitor?”

She doesn’t answer.

“You don’t think people will be able to tell you’re lying when the baby comes out pale as a fucking paper?”

“I’ll figure it out. You are not coming here. That’s final.”

“It’s not only my child, it’s also the _heir_ of my empire!”

“So you’re a monarchy now? I took you for a dictatorship kind of guy.”

“The First Order is whatever I say it is!”

“Then tell it to stop looking for us!”

They stare daggers at each other, until he vanishes out of her sight. 

✨

When she disappears Kylo lets out a howl, and ignites his saber. That fucking infuriating woman! He demolishes the table, swinging wildly, while gritting out:

“We’re not done talking about this, _scavenger_!”

When there’s only shreds left of the interior of the room, he stops in the middle of it, catching his breath. When the fury subsides there’s something else tugging his insides. He’s going to be a father. To _her_ child. He needs to get them somewhere safe. Right fucking now. He raises his wrist comm to his mouth:

“Mitaka! Summon my knights.”

✨

Rey can’t hide forever. The pills she got from the doctor actually works, so she returns to training and fixing things, as if nothing happened. The one thing the pills don't help with is her temper, and she goes bat shit crazy at least once each day. It always hits like lightning, making her feel a bit like… Kylo. That kriffing buffoon! ‘It’s not safe’, he’s the bloody reason it’s not safe! Rey flings her screwdriver away, accidentally hitting BB8, who lets out a hurt chirping. 

“BB! Oh, I’m so sorry! I just… lost it. Again.”

BB8 doesn’t have an actual face, but Rey can tell the poor droid is highly offended. If BB rats her out to Poe she’s kriffing toast. On the other hand, if Poe kill her for manhandling his droid, she doesn’t have to solve this whole baby crisis, and Force knows that would be a relief. 

✨

Hux isn’t happy with Kylo’s sudden uninterest in the peace negotiations with Ruwee, but it can’t be helped. He needs to focus on the important stuff, like finding Rey, and when he does he’ll kriffing drag her out of that rebel nest if he has to. The knights have returned from every corner of the galaxy, and now they’re meeting him, in a newly renovated meeting room. They all shed their masks as soon as the door closes, and waits for him to speak.

“This,” Kylo begins, “will be the most important mission of your _lives.”_

The knights lean in over the table.

“I need you, by any means necessary, to find the jedi girl.”

Ap’lek huffs.

“That’s Hux’s gig.”

“It’s now _your_ gig,” Kylo growls.

“Easy there, boss,” Trudgen snickers, “are we killing her or catching her?”

Kylo’s vision blacks out at the thought of them killing her.

“Neither. You’ll find her, you’ll not engage, and you’ll give her location to me.”

“So that you can kill her?”

“NO!” Kylo shouts, “nobody will kill her, it’s of the utmost importance that she doesn’t fucking die!”

“Why?” Ap’lek sounds bored.

“Because,” Kylo takes a deep breath, “she’s pregnant.”

Confusion is written all over the knights’ faces.

“And it’s… mine. The child is mine.”

Several of chins drop. Trudgen whistles.

“This is the trippiest meeting ever!”

“How the fuck did you manage to get _her_ , of all people, knocked up?!” Vicrul exclaims.

“Well, maybe I should’ve told you, but… we’ve this bond through the Force but it’s been dead for the last year, and before that we usually used it to argue with each other. Then at Life Day, I got drunk, and she got drunk, and none of us had enough focus to keep the bond closed, and as I was saying, we were drunk and…”

“You nailed her,” Cardo concludes.

Kylo wouldn’t call it that, but it’s basically true, so he nods. 

“And she refuses to let me pick her up,” Kylo sighs. 

“Women,” Ap’lek mutters.

“We are,” Trudgen looks like he’s about to burst into song, “going to be _uncles!_ ”

Kylo pinches the bridge of his nose. 

“Will you just go and do as your fucking told?”

“Of course, master,” Kuruk says, while slamming his mask back on.

The others follow, and they stalk out of the room with their capes fluttering behind them. What wouldn’t Kylo give to once again join them in a quest through the galaxy? But. He’s paperwork to attend to.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so happy to have the knights back in the game! I had so much fun writing them in my last fic, and they’ll keep the same personalities in this story. Sooo if you enjoy this version of KOR, check out my last fic 😉


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any unfamiliar names of places or people are my own inventions, with the help of name generators.

The king of Ruwee had made one condition in the Ruwee peace treaty perfectly clear: The Supreme leader has to sign it in person, and not through an envoy. This is why Kylo walks down the landing ramp of his shuttle at Ruwee’s capital spaceport, which is located right next to the capital itself, Uunchu. Force knows he would rather be anywhere else. Reporters are crowding him, some are taking holophotos, others have their backs at him while blabbering into holocameras. He pretends he doesn’t see any of it, and marches straight through the sea of journalists, with Hux and Mitaka trailing behind, and after them a group of elite stormtroopers follows. 

✨

“Look at that pompous ass!” Poe throws an empty bottle through the news holo showing Kylo Ren’s arrival at Ruwee.

“Force, does he _always_ look so kriffing sour?” Dacea sounds repulsed.

Not always, not when he’s told he’ll be a dad. Rey tries to look appropriately disgusted, but she doesn’t join in on the bashing. The holo cuts to the first meeting of Kylo and the king of Ruwee, Rudrasi Fura, showing the two men shaking hands. The king is a bulky man in his late 50’s and he looks rather pleased to meet Kylo. A voice-over comments:

“It’s a joyous occasion here in Ruwee, where king Fura is to sign a treaty with the First Order. Supreme leader Kylo Ren is here in person,an honorable gesture if I ever saw one. The Supreme leader is wearing his signature black padded tunic paired with a heavy cape—”

“Come on!” Finn howls at the holo, “ _honorable gesture_?! Why isn’t she talking about the fact that the king was _forced_ to do this?!”

“The treaty itself,” the reporter continues, “is described as a partnership beneficial for both Ruwee and the First Order. The Order has agreed to improve the infrastructure of the planet, as well as help funding the new upcoming mining project. Ruwee will support the Order in any eventual future conflict and the Order will protect Ruwee in return. The First Order will naturally obtain some resources from the mines —”

”SOME?!” Rose shouts, ”the First Order took my entire _planet_ and left us with nothing!” 

Rey stares at the father of her child, as he ascends the marble stairs up to the royal palace, and at the man next to him. Is that really the face of a man being forced to lead his people into slavery? 

✨ 

All and all the day was okay. The king had been cooperative, almost thankful, and Kylo is rather pleased with the fact that he concurred a world without any bloodshed. It’s not that he doesn’t believe in a firm hand, because he does, but if the goal is long-term order they can’t have ongoing wars all over the galaxy. There must be peaceful examples showing the perks of surrendering, otherwise they’ll pave way for new resistance groups, and the current one is quite enough, thank you very much. 

His bed bleeds together with hers again. She’s half asleep, and doesn’t even open her eyes.

“Can we save the argument for another time? I’m way too tired to fight.”

✨

“Of course,” he mumbles, “but we _will_ talk about it later.”

She huffs in response, well aware he’ll hold her to it. He’s feeling tense, or… nervous? Rey pops one eye open, and he’s lying on his side, with pink stains on his cheeks.

“What is it?” Rey sighs.

“Could I,” he stutters, “could I get to say hello?”

What the Force is he talking about? Oh, yeah, right.

“Go ahead,” she rolls up her sleeping shirt, leaving her stomach bare.

“You can’t tell someone’s in there.”

“No, it’s still early…” 

He slowly reaches out with one hand, and hesitantly places it on her abdomen. It’s as warm as she remembers, and she has to bite down a sigh. He brushes his thumb over her skin, and whispers:

“Hey, little one.”

Rey blinks rapidly. It’s just three words, they shouldn’t affect her like this, but they do. Had her parents talked to her like that? Like she was _wanted_? Like they would do anything to keep her safe? Probably not, since they considered Plutt to be a sufficient guardian. Force, is she tearing up? She rubs her eyes with her knuckles, in an attempt to stop the tears from falling, but it doesn’t really work. Kylo looks up at her, frowning. Crap, she’ll have to talk about this too, when all she wanted was to sleep. But he doesn’t say anything, he just pats the space between them. Is he…? Rey bites her lip, somehow this feels even more like a betrayal to her friends than sleeping with him, but she can’t resist. She shuffles closer, and he’s remarkably quick, she’ll admit that, when he slides one arm under her neck and uses the other to pull her flush against his chest. 

“Go to sleep,” he orders.

And she does.

✨ 

Kylo wakes up alone, but he’d fallen asleep with his nose buried in her hair. She needs to be found, right fucking now! How can she not see she isn’t safe? Stubborn, idiotic _girl_ with absolutely no sense of self-perservation! Kylo almost comms his knights, desperate for an update, but he knows they’ll contact him as soon as there’s something to report.

“Supreme leader,” crackles through his comm.

“Yes, Mitaka?”

“King Fura wishes to see you before you leave, he’s arranged breakfast on his private balcony.”

Fucking great, more small talk. 

“Tell him I’ll be there in 30 minutes.”

The Ruwee kitchen is delightful, almost as good as his favorite, the Nabooian. And as far as people go, king Fura is alright. He’s not overly talkative, which suits Kylo, and the breakfast turns out to be more pleasant than Kylo expected. The tranquility suddenly breaks when ten men in well worn uniforms climbs over the rail of the balcony, and Kylo wonders if this is some kind of weird show of strength, but the look on Fura’s face tells him this wasn’t part of the breakfast experience. 

“Traitor!” one of the men growls at the king.

“Please, Dedrhi,” Fura cries, “stand down!”

Dedrhi doesn’t stand down, he raises his blaster and pulls the trigger. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to take a moment to say thank you! I’m so happy people are reading my stories, it still blows my mind. I didn’t know I’m such a sucker for validation, but here I am, refreshing the page every five seconds to see if you liked the latest chapter 😂 thank you again!


	8. Chapter 8

Leia’s been fragile ever since her unintentional space walk, and Rey doesn’t see her much, apart from when the General teaches Rey what she knows of the Force. But today the former princess has joined the others for lunch, when an extra news holo flares to life in the middle of the room. 

“We’ve just received some most upsetting footages from Ruwee,” a deep male voice begins, “as you might be aware, the Supreme leader is currently visiting the planet in order to come to an agreement with the planet’s king, Rudrasi Fura, and this morning they shared breakfast together before our leader’s departure. Little did they know that the former kingsguard had betrayed king Fura, and they tried to take his life just a couple of hours ago. The Supreme leader Kylo Ren was the only thing standing between the king and certain death, and we’ll let this horrific holo speak for itself. Please proceed with caution.”

The holo is grainy and wobbly, and parts of it are just leaves, giving the impression that whoever shot the holo was hidden while doing so. But it’s clear enough, and Rey watches as Kylo freezes a blaster bolt mid air, clearly telling the king something, probably to get behind him, because that’s what the king does, and redirects the bolt straight in the chest of the shooter. Even though there’s no audio, Rey can practically hear Kylo’s saber crackle to life, and he uses it to block heavy blaster fire from the intruders. For the first time ever it’s dead silent in the cafeteria, no one is hurling insults at the holo, and the rest of the rebels are just as mesmerized as Rey. He stalks towards the former guards, and all of their blasters suddenly fly from their hands. They pick up knives and half swords instead, all of them trying to jump him at the same time. Rey realizes he’s giving them quick, clean deaths, hardly breaking a sweat, and she’s not proud of it, but she imagines how he would literally rip people apart if it had been his _little one_ up on that balcony… ah Force, she’s supposed to _not think of him!_

“Kriff Rey,” Poe breathes, “you beat _that_ guy?!”

“Well,” Rey mumbles, “he was shot, and bleeding out…”

“But still!” Poe beams.

Yeah, and also he hadn’t been trying to kill her, he wanted her alive... yet another thing she hasn’t told anyone. Rey takes a peek at Leia, who sits next to her, looking as calm as ever, but Rey can sense the General’s inner turmoil. Rey finds Leia’s hand under the table, and squeezes it, trying to show support. Not a single person shown on the holo surrenders, and Kylo ends the last one with a swift stroke of his blade. The male reporter’s voice returns.

“Well that was intense! He certainly puts the Supreme in Supreme leader. Ten against one, I’ve never seen anything like this fight! As you would expect, king Fura was most thankful and the First Order shows that their word is true —”

“It’s a set up!” Finn shouts, and the usual noise of the cafeteria roars back to life. 

✨

Kylo’s escorted straight to his shuttle, surrounded by his troopers, and he’s in a bizarrely good mood after take off. Fuck, he’s missed fighting! They might just have been ten non-Force sensitives, all of them with their best fighting years behind them, but still, the fight had made him feel reborn. Hux knocks on the doors of Kylo’s quarters, and enters.

“Excellent work, sir,” Hux sounds pleased, “this was even better than what I’d planned.”

“Wasn’t this your plan?” Kylo had been sure it was Hux’s work.

“No, but luckily enough there was a reporter hiding in a tree next to the balcony, and the holo is already all over the galaxy. This will be most helpful for our opinion polls!”

Kylo nods slowly. Well, he rather have people talking about him fighting than what he’s _wearing_ , so hopefully this was a good thing. 

✨ 

“Scavenger,” his voice rumbles behind her.

She’s out in the jungle, trying to make it through her training course even though she’s tired to the bone.

“Supreme leader,” she shots back over her shoulder.

“We’re talking about it.”

“No, it’s no use.”

“Why?”

Rey slowly turns around.

“You can’t keep us safe, because it’s _you_ we’re hiding from.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“But it _is_! You must understand that you won’t be involved?” 

Oh, that wasn’t the right thing to say.

“I won’t be involved?! It’s _my_ child!”

“This is why I didn’t want you to know! How do you see it working out, are we going to share the custody?! One week at the Order, the other with the Rebellion?”

“I don’t know! But I’m not leaving my kid in the hands of rebel scum!”

“You didn’t mind _making it_ with rebel scum!”

Kylo looks like he’s about to blow an artery, but he reins himself in, and obviously tries to resist the urge to shout at her.

“Do you even have an OB-droid?”

“If I’ll need one, I’ll build one,” Rey tilts her chin up.

Kylo sighs.

“But the doctor keeps tabs on you?”

✨

Every surface of bare skin on her body is blushing. This woman will be the death of him.

“Rey? You do have a doctor?”

“Several, actually.”

“And they’re following this pregnancy?”

Rey stares at the ground between them.

“They don’t know?” Kylo growls.

“One of them did know… for a couple of minutes.”

“Are you _insane_?!”

So much for not shouting.

“People had babies all the time on Jakku, and they had no doctors!”

“And did they fucking _survive_?!”

She doesn’t answer, she just stares at him.

“Tell me! Did all of the babies live?!”

She shakes her head with the slightest of motions.

“Did all of the mothers survive?” he asks, softer this time.

She shakes her head again, looking like she’s on the verge to tears. 

“Does anybody else know?”

She looks up at him, with those doe eyes of hers, and fuck, if she only knew what they do to him.

“You,” she whispers, “you know.”

Kylo steps closer to her.

“I need you safe, let me pick you up.”

“No.”

He’ll not beg. Not again. If she wants it the hard way, she’ll have it the hard way.

✨

“Rey, are you okay?” Rose asks after dinner.

“Huh? Yes, I’m fine.”

“You’ve been so distant lately… is there something troubling you?”

Yes.

“No.”

“Okay… I just want you to know that you can tell me anything.”

She’s carrying Kylo Ren’s love child.

“Thanks Rose, but it’s nothing, really.”

“I bet watching that idiot slaughter people like they meant nothing upset you? Knowing that you’ll probably have to face him again?”

Upset? More like… the tiniest hint of turned on.

“Yeah, maybe a bit. He’s a good fighter.”

“He is, but you’ll take him out, I know it.”

Leaving her child fatherless. 

“I hope so,” Rey forces a smile, “I’m off to bed, I got some reading to do.”

“‘Night, Rey.”

“‘Night.”

✨

Kylo paces back and forth through the sitting area of his quarters. Force fucking help him, she doesn’t even have a kriffing doctor. The only person in this galaxy who knows of her _situation_ is him, sitting on a fucking Star Cruiser millions of light years from whereever she is. 

“Fucking stupid jedi wannabe!” he slams his fist against the wall. 

Fuck, he’d hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but she’s forcing his hand. Kylo raises his wrist comm.

“Mitaka?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Have you been able to arrange the comm frequency I asked for?”

“It was almost impossible, sir, but we got it.”

“Make the call.”

“Now, sir?” Mitaka squeaks.

“Now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who does the mighty Supreme leader call when he needs help?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo, is that you?
> 
> And kriff my life, people really liked to talk in this chapter.

”General Organa speaking,” his mother’s voice tears through his comm, and it’s the first time he hears it for over a decade.

He falters for a second. He should’ve waited, maybe he could’ve persuaded Rey without complicating things like this.

“Hello?” his mother has never been known for her great patience.

“General,” he greets.

There’s just static noise for a couple of seconds.

“Ben..?”

“It’s Supreme leader, these days.”

Leia scoffs.

“I’ll never call you that,” she spits.

Kylo clenches his jaw tight. 

“Because I reached a position you could only dream of?”

“Becoming a cruel dictator is the definition of my worst nightmare!”

“As if your corrupted _precious_ senate were any better!”

Kylo can hear his mother draw breath, no doubt about to smack him around verbally.

“ _Anyway_ ,” he growls, before she gets the chance to speak, “I’m not contacting you for political advice. This is not an official request from the Supreme leader to a Resistance general.”

“No?”

“No,” he sits down, “this is a request from me to my... mother.”

She doesn’t say anything, and Kylo swallows a lump in his throat.

“I don’t know if Rey’s told you—”

“Rey?” his mother sounds utterly confused.

“If she’s told you we’re connected through the Force—”

“Connected? Like me and Luke?”

“Well, kind of like that but we… we can see each other.”

“See each other? For how long?!”

“Since she went to find Luke…”

“That’s,” Leia’s voice wavers, “ever since she joined the Resistance…?”

“I guess… but we shut each other out for an entire year after Crait. You know, after she went to the Supremacy.”

“She did _what_?!”

Oh Force, she really hasn’t told them anything.

“Well, she and I had this… moment,” Kylo can feel his ears burn, “and we touched, and we saw visions of our futures…”

“ _Yes_?”

“Together. So she came to… I don’t know, turn me? Snoke found out, of course, and wanted to meet her, well, to toy with her. And he wanted me to kill her.”

“Why?”

“Because… he saw that I had... compassion,” Kylo remembers how she had knelt before him, defiant to the very end, “for her.”

“But she’s not dead…?” Leia's voice is a whisper.

“No. I killed Snoke instead.”

Leia gasps. 

“And the two of us fought his guards and I claimed the title. I tried to convince her to stay… with me. But she didn’t.”

“Oh, _Ben!”_

“Don’t ‘Oh, Ben’ me!” he snarls, trying to keep control of this train wreck of a conversation.

“ _Fine_.”

“As I was saying, we didn’t see each other for a little over a year, but on Life day we both got drunk… and when nobody kept the bond closed off, it flared back to life.”

“And now you see each other again?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know where we are?!”

“If I did I wouldn’t have to fucking _comm_ you.”

“Right, okay, what is it then?”

“Well, as the two drunken people we were we made a not so thought through decision…”

“Do you mean you… through the Force?”

Kylo wishes he would drop dead.

“Yes.”

“How dare you take advantage of an intoxicated girl?!”

“It was _consensual,”_ not to mention, on her fucking initiative.

“But you’re… the leader of everything she hates…”

“Yeah, it’s confusing for everyone. _Anyway_ , a couple of weeks ago I found out she’s pregnant —”

“What?! Ben Solo, are you telling me you knocked her up?! This is absurd!”

He feels twelve years old again.

“I know! The problem is that she refuses to let me come and get her, nobody but _me_ even knows about this, and I need her to be safe.”

“She’s safe with us.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes…”

“Do you promise me?”

Leia is silent for far too long. 

“If you can’t promise me that, you’ve to help me get her out.”

✨

Force, she’s tired. All she wants to do is sleep, all day, every day. But that would be far too suspicious, so she pushes through, day after day, going through the motions of her everyday life. She trains in the mornings, pops her pills every fourth hour, takes a secret nap under a tree somewhere, eats lunch, and spends the afternoons in the workshop, helping Rose renovating some old X-wings they’ve managed to salvage from the last galactic war. This morning she realized she’s the tiniest little bump and panic washed over her once more. It’s really happening, she’s having a baby, and in a month or two she won’t be able to hide it, and what’s she supposed to do then? Tell people she met a mysterious man in the jungle? Too bad Ajan Kloss is practically uninhabited. Virgin birth? It’s a thing, right? 

✨

“We found her, master,” Ap’lek comms Kylo.

Are they fucking kidding him?! He could’ve waited one more day and found her without calling his kriffing _mommy_?! 

“Where is she?”

“Ajan Kloss, sir.”

“Did you get a visual?”

“Of course.”

“How did she look?”

“She looked fine.”

“ _Fine_? What do you mean, ‘fine’?”

“She looked like a dirty rebel, sir.”

Kylo scoffs.

“She usually does.”

“Orders, sir?”

“Do not engage, lay low, and wait. Don’t intervene unless absolutely necessary. I need to think this through.”

“Yes, master.”

“Ap’lek, good work.”

“Sir.”

✨ 

“Walk with me, child,” Leia tells her. 

The pair walk under silence, until they’re out of the camp. 

“Rey,” Leia’s looking straight ahead, “when were you planning on telling me you’re making me a grandmother?”

Rey chokes on her own saliva. 

“How do you — I mean…” she splutters.

“My son somehow got a hold on my private frequency, and he contacted me, asking for help.”

“Kylo called you?”

“His name is _Ben._ ”

Rey blushes.

“Of course, General.”

Leia squints at her, and carries on, as if she’s talking about the weather.

“I think I managed to talk him out of his first idea, which involved me, sleeping pills and a kidnapping. But he’s concerned.”

Rey can’t tell if her superior is joking or not. He _has_ kidnapped her before… 

“And frankly I’m concerned too. About _a lot_ of things.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t told you but I…” Rey’s chest feels like it’s imploding, and she can’t keep her voice steady, “I thought I would be able to bring him home. But he—” Rey can’t hold back, she’s actually standing there, sobbing like a child, in front of his mother, “he didn’t want to leave.”

“He’s been groomed for his position since he was a baby,” Leia murmurs, “don’t beat yourself up. It doesn’t help, trust me.”

“We didn’t see each other after Crait, and I’ve just been,” Rey can’t seem to stop talking now that she’s started, “so _ashamed_. I was an idiot, thinking I could just… save him, and I tried so hard to just forget about the whole thing and I didn’t want you to know I had a shot, and that I blew it. And then I got kriffing _pregnant_ and I—”

“Take a breath, Rey. I get it. But how are we going to handle this?”

Rey dries her eyes, and wonders how this woman in front of her can keep it together at all times? Leia’s never a walking mess. 

“I don’t know,” Rey whispers, because she truly doesn't.

“Ben wants you to leave.”

“I’m not going to live on a kriffing First Order star cruiser!”

“Who said you were?” 

“I want to stay here…”

“I won’t stop you. But I share his concern, and if the truth gets out I can’t guarantee your safety.”

“I’ll figure something out…”

“You do that. Tell me what you need, and I’ll make it happen,” Leia suddenly smiles, “and child, in a sense you did bring him home. He did comm me, after all.”

✨ 

She’s sleeping the next time he sees her. But not in a bed like a normal person, no, she’s on the ground, curled up like a cat between some massive roots. He nudges her boot with his.

“Scavenger.”

She jerks her foot back, but doesn’t wake up. She looks even younger like this, and Kylo regrets his deal with his mother, that he wouldn’t come to get her if she doesn’t want him to. She’s obviously incapable of caring for herself, sleeping outside, alone, like a fucking animal. 

He crouches next to her, and gives her shoulder a shake. 

“I’m up!” she startles awake, completely disoriented. 

“What are you doing?”

“Oh,” she breathes, “it’s you.” 

Rey begins to scramble to her feet, and Kylo shoots out a hand without a second thought. She looks at it and frowns.

“I’m not dying.”

Kylo awkwardly drags his hand through his hair instead, and gets up along with her. 

“I can’t believe you ratted me out to your mother.”

“I didn’t rat you out, I just..”

“Ratted me out?”

Kylo sighs.

“Yes. But you clearly can’t manage this on your own, you’re sleeping outside! Unprotected!”

“I’ve taken care of myself my entire life! I got the Force, nobody can sneak up on me.”

“I just fucking did.”

“What about you then? Getting jumped by rogue soldiers without a single guard around? How safe is _that_?”

“Did you see it?” Kylo feels a strange sort of pride.

“Along with the rest of the galaxy. But it’s not fair, you can take on ten dudes on your own, but _I’m_ the irresponsible one for taking a kriffing nap!” 

Kylo blinks. Is she… worried? She’s angry, as usual, but there’s something else too.

”I thought the whole point of your terrorist group was to end me?”

Rey scoffs, and starts to walk away. 

“Hey,” he calls out, “may I say hi again?”

She turns to him.

“I don’t know if it’s such a good idea. For you to get… attached I mean.”

But she stays there, standing still, and he steps into her space. 

“Don’t worry,” he tries to sound reassuring. 

She’s silent for a little while, searching his face.

“Alright.” she rolls her tunic up. 

She isn’t showing, but there’s a general softness to her that she hasn’t had before. Kylo sinks back down into a crouch, slowly reaching out, waiting for her to tell him off. But she doesn’t, and his hand lands on her stomach. He leans in, feeling pretty stupid but it can’t be helped, it’s like she’s magnetic. He does want to have a chat with his kid, but if he’s to be honest, it’s the desperate need to touch her that drives him.

“Hi,” he whispers. 

Oh Force, he wants to scoop her up, hide her and keep her for himself. Her and the baby. She’s still unmoving, and he leans in even closer, almost brushing his cheek at her skin. 

“Does she answer?” Rey asks quietly. 

He looks up at her.

“You think it’s a girl?”

“I know it is, I can feel it.”

Kylo loops his arms around Rey’s midriff, holding her tight for a second, and then everything goes to hell. Rey’s hand is suddenly outstretched in front of her, clearly holding something with the Force. She pulls him off the ground, and shoves him to the side. Two blaster bolts whizz past them.

“TRAITOR!” a voice howls.

The Force drops the connection and Kylo suddenly stands alone in his quarters, paralyzed.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m basing Rey’s pregnancy on my first one, I was in my early twenties back then. I could see a bump after three months, but it wasn’t obvious until I was past halftime, and I sure wasn’t as fit as Rey 😅


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Sweden Christmas Eve is the main event, so we’re celebrating tomorrow. I just wanted to wish you all a very merry Christmas! Thank you for your kind words, and for cheering this little fic on. 
> 
> Oh, and btw, people have huge potty mouths in this chapter, due to... emotions.

”GET HER!” Kylo screams into his comm.

“Right away, sir,” Ap’lek responds.

Fuck! He stalks out to the corridor he, and screams once more at his comm.

“Ready my ship!”

✨

“Don’t shoot!” Rey cries out, not that she can’t handle it, but because she doesn’t _want_ to handle it. 

The shooter is one of the pilots, Arnon, a slender man about the same age as Poe. Like Poe, Arnon has been involved in the Resistance in one way or the other since his teens and it’s literally the _worst_ person to walk in on her. 

“Where did he go?!”

“I can explain!”

“Fuck you!” he aims straight at her, “I’m taking you to the General! You’ll be hanging by nightfall, if I get a say!”

Rey slowly walks towards Arnon, with her hands raised. This is a disaster. She could come with him, and face the wrath of her fellow rebels, but they’ll send her into exile. Or worse, if people share Arnon’s feelings. No. She’s not ready to leave. She raises her right hand, ever so slightly.

“You didn’t see anything out of the ordinary.”

“Don’t you dare! Your freaky magic won’t work on me.”

It can’t be helped. She presses into his mind, deeper than she should, and repeats:

“You didn’t see anything out of the ordinary.”

“I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary.

“You’ll return to base.”

“I’ll return to base.”

Rey watches as Arnon stumbles off, hoping he won’t get anything worse than a headache from the less than mild treatment of his brain. 

“Jedi!” 

What the Force? Why are there six Kylo Ren-lookalikes standing in her jungle? Crap. 

“Did he kriffing send you?!”

✨ 

Kylo usually feels a massive sense of relief when he zooms through hyperspace on his own, but not today. FUCK! He doesn’t trust those filthy rebels for one second, and he can’t even stand to think about what they’re doing to Rey. He’ll blow the entire planet to bits if they as much as touch her. Why didn’t he go to get her as soon as his knights found her? Fucking idiot! 

“Master,” Ap’lek voice crackles through his comm system. 

“Report.”

“She wants to… talk to you.”

“She?”

Rey’s voice cuts in.

“Are you kidding me?! You’ve people spying on me? What’s your kriffing problem, _Ben_?!”

Kylo hears a collective intake of breath from his knights when she spits his birth name. He once beat one of them unconscious for doing the same thing.

“They are there for your protection,” Kylo murmurs.

“I don’t know how to be any clearer - it’s the First Order we’re hiding from, and now I have six of your lot in my fucking face!”

“We’re actually _not_ with the Order,” Trudgen’s protests with a muffled voice. 

“Do I look like I care?!” and now she’s picking a fight with the Knights of Ren, splendid, just splendid. 

“They’ll lift you out,” Kylo states, “whether you want to or not.”

“Fuck you!” she howls.

“With all due respect, sir, but we’ve already tried and she...” Ap’lek mutters, “she fights like you.”

“You’re six against one!” Kylo growls.

“Hand me the comm,” Rey’s voice sounds far away, “I said; give me the kriffing comm!”

Static raspy noise tells him the comm switches hands.

“I handled the situation. He won’t remember a thing, I made sure of it.”

“You're not safe.”

“I am! I can’t believe you! Tell your knights to fuck off, and leave me be!”

“She has the same temper as him,” Cardo says, sounding distant.

The comm makes the same raspy noise, and it’s once again Ap’lek on the other side.

“Orders, sir?”

“Go fuck yourselves!” Rey exclaims in the background.

Kylo pinches the bridge of his nose, harder than ever actually, and sighs. 

“Just… leave her be. For now.”

✨

Rey has never been angrier. The audacity of that fucking man! She’ll never, ever grant him the honor of being part of her fantasies again! Force, help her, he hadn’t even called his knights off-world, so now there’s First Order minions within walking distance from her fucking base, and if she raises the alarm she’s to tell people everything. FORCE! Rey shoves her face into her pillow and screams. 

But later that night he _is_ part of her fantasy again. But in her head, he’s a reasonable kriffing person, not a complete jackass, so in a way his not part of her fantasy, because the real version of him is the biggest jackass of all times.

✨ 

They don't connect for a few days, no doubt because she’s angry enough to keep the bond shut in pure spite. Well, at least she’s alive, and his knights are within reach if he needs them to step in. The Supreme Council, with Hux at the head, nags him constantly about _everything_ but he can’t focus until she’s safe, preferably with him. But it’s starting to be painfully obvious that she doesn’t share that wish, and he’ll have to make due with just knowing he got her somewhere safe. Somewhere green. But first he needs her to see fucking reason. 

✨

His in his study, with piles of papers, binders and tablets littered all over his desk. He doesn’t notice her at first, and she allows herself a few seconds to just drink him in. Kriff, how did he get so gorgeous? He’s not handsome in the conventional way but in a way that’s just… his.

“Do I have something on my face?”

Oh great, he caught her looking. Rey squints at him.

“I was just wondering how someone as grown up-looking as you can behave like such a child.”

He frowns, before turning smug.

“So you think,” he gets on his feet, “I’m,” he stalks around his table, stopping a foot from her, towering her, “ _grown up-looking_?”

Kriff him and his stupid chest. 

“As you should, considering you’re _ancient_ ,” she retorts, crossing her arms.

“Don’t be angry with me,” oh, kriff those puppy dog eyes! 

He steps closer and Force help her, she should slap him but she doesn’t. 

“You’re my enemy,” she states, trying to sound firm.

“Are you telling me or yourself that?” kriff his kriffing velvet voice too! 

“I’m telling you. I’ll have to evacuate the base now, because you obviously found us.”

“I didn’t find _the_ _Resistance_ , I couldn’t care less about those half wits. I found _you_ and I’ll find you again if I have to _.”_

Why is he standing so close? 

“You’ve to,” she breathes, starting to lose track of why she’s mad at him, “trust my judgement.”

“Tell me, Rey of Jakku, do _you_ trust your judgement?” she could drown in the sound of him talking. 

“Yes…”

His eyes are locked with hers, and in her chest her heart is beating like a scared rodent’s. He leans in, and is she shutting her eyes? No keep them open, get a kriffing grip of yourself, woman! 

“If you trust your judgement,” he purrs, inches from her face, “I do too. But the knights will stay, if you find yourself in need of a quick exit.”

He retreats, and marches back to his chair, leaving her breathless and with burning cheeks. Kriffing jackass. 

✨

The sight of how her lashes fluttered over her cheek bones when he’d leaned in will haunt him until he leaves this pitiful life. He’ll back off a little, like Leia said, and see how things unfolds. In the meantime he’ll get back to the Supreme leader stuff. People to meet, papers to sign etcetera, etcetera in a never ending stream of nonsense. Force, if he’d known how utterly _boring_ ruling the galaxy would be…

✨

It’s starting to become difficult to carry on with her everyday life. Not because of the pregnancy, but because he’s in her kriffing mind, it’s like she’s possessed. All she thinks about is those hands, that hair, kriff, those lips and how he looks at her like he would burn everything down if she asked him to and—

“Force, Rey! Watch what you're doing!”

Rey just cut the wrong cable, causing a minor explosion within the engine of the X-wing she and Rose are working on. The surrounding cables and electronics start to sizzle, and the smell of burned plastic fills the air. 

“Oh, Force, did you get a shock?!” Rey calls out.

“No, that’s the beauty of isolating gloves,” Rose grins, “but something is on your mind and I want to know what it is.”

Rey doesn’t answer, focusing on salvaging the engine situation.

“Is it a _boy_?”

Rey tries to unscrew the burnt cables, ignoring Rose and the heating sensation of her cheeks.

“It is!” Rose sounds triumphant.

“It’s stupid,” Rey hears herself say.

“Why?”

“It could never work.”

“Because of the Jedi attachment thing?”

It’s definitely unbelievingly non-Jedi-like to thirst over a kriffing dark lord. 

“Yeah, sort of.”

“Who is it then?”

Rey laughs.

“ _That’s_ a secret.”

  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this my Christmas gift 😏

“Rey, will you come with me to Takodana?” Leia asks in the morning, when they’re training together.

“Why are you going?”

“The same as always, I’ll try to secure some funding.

“And why am I going?”

“Well, honestly because Ben would be furious with me if I left you at home without a babysitter.”

After the scare with Arnon Rey’s terrified that someone else will figure it out, but if she’s not on Ajan Kloss, nobody can walk in on her. 

“I’ll come with you.” 

✨ 

“It seems like she’s not,” Ap’lek sounds hesitant, “on the base anymore, Master.”

Kylo grits his teeth, trying to keep from lashing out.

“And where has she gone?”

“We’re not sure, but we think she might have left with the General.”

“Report back when she returns.”

✨

They travel to Takodana in an anonymous freighter, on a long, but scarcely supervised, route. Rey sits on the bunk of her tiny cabin, absentmindedly stroking her stomach while trying, for the billionth time, to figure everything out. He’s suddenly sitting next to her.

“Where are you going?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“I just want to make sure you're safe.”

“Are you sending your watch dogs after me?”

“No.”

“Fine. I’m going to Takodana.”

“I’ll go myself.”

“ _Kylo_ , stop it.”

“You won’t even notice me,” he mutters, “unless you want to.”

“Force Ben! I’m supposed to _kill you,_ you know?”

“Are you going to?”

She really should. But she's a tangled mess of emotions she can’t make sense of.

“You know I’m not.”

“I _do_ know,” he smiles a wolfish grin, and it makes her insides squirm. 

✨

Takodana is more than just Maz’s castle. It’s capital is busy, loud, cluttered with people, humanoids and alien species alike. The buildings are taller than any houses Rey’s ever seen, but according to Leia they’re nothing compared to the skyscrapers on Coruscant. They check in on a hotel, a nice one, Leia’s declared she’s too old for filthy motels, and they get their rooms on the top floor. The view over the town and the surrounding forests is incredible, and Rey stands by the window, just staring, for a long time. 

✨

Hux wasn’t pleased when Kylo announced he’d business to attend to on Takodana. He’d been so obstinate about it he’d almost earned his first choking since the death of Snoke, but Kylo managed to convince the General the trip was essential to the cause. Whatever the cause is these days, Hux obviously still believes in it, and he’d reluctantly rescheduled Kylo’s appointments the coming days. 

✨ 

Rey spent the day with the General in meetings with various shady people, ranging from rule breaking idealists to full blown gangsters, but all of them share the common ground of hating the First Order. Leia’d secured credits enough to keep the Resistance running for a while longer, and they return to their hotel with a sense of accomplishment. They walk together through a dim-lit corridor, from the elevator to their rooms, with door after door on the left side and a wall of windows on the right, overlooking the gleaming lights of the city. Leia’s room is in the middle of the corridor, and Rey has the room straight ahead, in the far end.

“You did good today, Rey, I should bring you to these things more often,” Leia tells her as she unlocks and opens her door.

“Thanks, General.”

“‘Night, child,” Leia grins, before shutting the door in Rey’s face.

Okay. That was… weird. Rey continues down the hall to her own room. 

A faint cough from the other end of the corridor makes Rey spin around. 

“Scavenger,” he greets.

Is he really on the planet? On the other side of this corridor? Did Leia kriffing _set her up?!_

“Supreme leader,” she breathes.

Oh Force, there’s something _very_ wrong with her.

”You look well.”

And he looks positively edible. But she can’t lead him on, they’re still very much on different sides of a _galactic conflict_ and that's more important than her… infatuation.

“I can’t do this, it’s not right,” she mutters, hardly loud enough for him to hear. 

“You can’t or you don’t want to?” 

Rey glares at him. Does he need her to spell it out for him? 

“I don’t want to,” she growls, “if you do something once it’s a one time thing, but if you do it twice it’s a pattern.

“A pattern of what?” he stalks towards her, slowly.

“Of me failing to control my… emotions.”

“Fuck controlling them, that’s Jedi bullshit. The Jedi are dead, along with the Sith. We can make our own rules.” 

“We can’t.”

“Who’s stopping us?”

What was she saying? He’s standing too close, as he did last time, only now he’s actually _here,_ and the scent of him makes her head swim.

“Me, obviously.”

He leans in, those lips of his brushes the shell of her ear.

“But I don’t think you will.”

“I most definitely will,” she whispers.

He plants the first, featherlight, kiss just below her ear and she should shove him away, she really should, but the second kiss lands just below the first and when his teeth graze her skin every higher function of her brain ceases to operate. Kisses trails down her neck, and he uses his nose to nudge her tunic of her shoulder as he goes along. Force, help her!

“Little Jedi,” he murmurs against her collarbone, “do you really want me to stop?”

She doesn’t answer, every nerve in her body is a lightning storm on its own. His fingers circle the side of her neck, and he uses his thumb to tilt her head back, forcing her to meet his gaze.

“Tell me,” he demands, sounding huskier than ever, “do you want me to stop?”

“I’ll,” her breath hitches, “die if you do.”

✨

_He_ would’ve died if she’d told him off. Kylo backs her up against her door, leaning his weight on his free hand, level with her head. Her eyes are blown wide, and he thanks the Force, and every god there ever was, before leaning in even further, but not all the way, because he needs her to want this the same way he wants it. Rey huffs, and grabs fistfuls of his tunic, pulling him closer, until her lips crushes against his. Kylo doesn’t recognize the sound he makes, somewhere deep in his throat, but she moans the smallest little moan in return and he completely loses it. She snickers as he tries to free her of her top.

“I got a room, Supreme leader, shouldn’t we use it?”

“Fine,” he mutters, and unlocks her door with the Force, “but you’re taking that thing off _now_.”

They stumble through her door, at first attempting to undress each other but they soon realise it’s faster to remove their clothes by themselves. Kylo looks down to unbuckle his belt, and after it has scrambled down on the floor he rips his tunic off. When he looks up at Rey again she’s somehow managed to remove _all of it_. She’s gorgeous. She’s a bit fuller over all, and a tiny bump reveals the secret life she’s carrying. He stands there, staring, dumbfounded, incapable of moving, completely stunned by the beauty of this woman. He’s not worthy. Not at all. 

“You forgot your pants on,” she smirks and nods in the direction of his legs.

Kylo has never removed his pants, and undergarments, faster. He more or less attacks her, and they tumble into bed. Her lips are just as eager as his, and when he breaks the kiss for air, she breathes in his ear:

“I’ve thought of this every night since we did it the first time.”

“Even,” he mumbles, “that time when I offered my assistance and you told me no?”

“Most definitely,” she tugs his hair, making him groan, “and I did want you to… assist.”

“I’m at your service, miss.”

“Then show me,” she whispers, “what that mouth of yours can do.”

And he would happily die there between her legs, worshipping her until she claws his shoulders raw and starts to beg him for _him_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the same note in my last fic; in Sweden it recently became illegal to have sex without explicit consent. There was some arguments against this, mostly from men, and the main argument were that it would kill the mood. Soooo it seems I’ve made it my life’s calling to make asking for permission hot, because I totally think it is.


	12. Chapter 12

Neither of them gets much sleep. Rey is painfully aware that this is a fleeting moment, and maybe he feels it too, because they spend the night doing everything she dreamt about again and again. It’s early morning when they finally doze off, but his comm wakes them back up not two hours later. It’s Hux, Rey realizes, and Kylo looks like he’s trying to end the General through the distance of space with nothing but sheer willpower. 

“I need to get back,” he sighs, when Hux refuses to die.

“Me too.”

He looks at her, in the soft morning light his eyes are honey brown, and the sight of him looking so _not-dark-lordy-like_ makes her heart clench. 

“Rey,” he murmurs, while tracing her jaw with his thumb, “I won’t try to convince you to stay with me.”

Finally, he’s catching up.

“But I… I need you to see a doctor. Just to make sure everything’s alright with you, and with the little one.”

“I’m fine,” she snaps.

“Don’t,” he growls, “argue with me.”

Rey pouts. Kylo places one of his massive hands over her bump.

“You’re actually showing a bit now.”

“How very observant of you to notice.”

Kylo dives down, and speaks to her stomach instead of her face.

“Hey, little one. Did you know your mother is a hopelessly stubborn idiot who doesn’t ever listen to your father?” 

Is he… joking? Kylo Ren has a… sense of humor? She must be delirious. 

“But lucky for you, your dad is the boss of _everything,_ and if I say your mother has to see a doctor, she _will_ see a doctor.”

Rey smacks the back of his head. He chuckles and presses his lips against her bump, before returning to his pillow. 

“I’ll arrange it, nobody will know. All you have to do is to travel to a Naboo in, say a standard week, and I’ll have a doctor there to take care of you.”

“And if I object?”

“Then I’ll have to come and get you by force,” he smirks, looking like that would be his preferred scenario. 

“ _Fine,_ I’ll go.”

Kylo looks triumphant, and Rey smacks his head again. 

✨

Rey walks him to the door, and shoves it wide open. Her left hand holds on to the door handle, as if she needs support, and she uses her right hand to drag him down to her height, she’s surprisingly strong, and kisses him softly. 

“Bye, Ben,” she whispers against his lips and Force, she’ll be the end of him. 

“Bye, scavenger,” he murmurs, and marches over to the elevator as quickly as he can. 

✨

Leia had been in an excellent mood the entire ride back to Ajan Kloss, but just as they’re about to land she turns serious.

“Rey,” she says, “I need you to be able to separate Ben from the Supreme leader. I’m glad some of my son survived Snoke, but he still rules the galaxy alone, and without any plans on changing.”

“I know,” Rey mutters, she does know it’s true, even if she doesn’t _feel_ like it is. 

“Nothing made me happier than to hear his voice again, but it didn’t change my loyalties, our mission or our plans. Understood?”

“Yes, General.”

“Excellent,” the General nods, “you should pop that collar up.”

Rey must look like a question mark, because Leia sighs and points at Rey’s neck.

“You got a hicky.”

✨

Kylo lands his Silencer in his hangar on the Finalizer, and Mitaka stands on the hangar floor, waiting for him. The nervous lieutenant is still skittish, even after years in the Order, but he’s a hard worker and Kylo values his dedication.

“Mitaka,” Kylo greets as he strides past him.

“S-sir,” Mitaka nods and tries to keep up the pace next to Kylo. 

“Any reports?”

“The Hutt cartel has refused your latest offer, sir.”

“Of course,” Kylo sighs, “anything else?”

“Nothing of importance, sir.”

“Very well, I’ve had a long journey, I’m going to rest for a while. I’m not to be disturbed unless it’s urgent.”

“Of course, sir,” Mitaka salutes. 

✨

It’s like she’s living in two different realities. One where Kylo Ren is her biggest threat, and one where he’s the only one that’s keeping her safe. She’s always felt a bit alienated from the other rebels, maybe because of the Force, or maybe it’s because she’s so used to feeling lonely she can’t help but to feel it even when she’s among friends, but ever since she got pregnant she feels further away than ever before. She replays the events of last night again and again, because she’s kind of accepted that she’s attracted to him physically, but she carefully avoids the memories of this morning. Waking up in his presence had been… never mind, it can’t happen again. She shovels food to her mouth absentmindedly, when the news holo flickers on.

“Good evening,” a pretty news anchor greets, “tonight I’m bringing you a side of our Supreme leader Kylo Ren you’ve never seen before.”

Rey stops eating, and stares at the holo, along with everybody else in the cafeteria. 

“The footage was shot by a surveillance camera, and we apologize for the poor quality, but Kylo Ren does have an unforgettable profile, doesn’t he?”

The sound of strings plays in the background and the news anchor carries on;

“This was shot last night, on the planet of Takodana.”

Rey gasps when the holo cuts to a shot of the hotel she stayed at on Takodana. She grips the seat of her chair with both hands, trying to stay upright, she won’t be able to mindtrick the entire Resistance and if this holo shows what she thinks it will… 

“It seems as if our Supreme leader isn’t as single as we all had hoped,” the holo shows the corridor of the hotel’s top floor, heavily backlit, and a silhouette, undeniably belonging to Kylo Ren, appear from the far left, “due to the lighting conditions we don’t have an ID on this mysterious woman,” the holo shifts a bit to the right, and Rey’s silhouette appears in the other end of the corridor.

Nobody seems to understand it’s her, thank the Force she didn’t have her hair in her signature three bun-updo. 

“The couple seems to be chatting for a little while,” the anchor babbles on, “before _this_ happens.”

The music intensifies as Kylo stalks towards her, it’s like watching a weird shadow theater of her own life, and this holo has the same effect on her friends as the one where he fought - they’re all dead silent. The shadow version of Kylo leans down to the shadow version of Rey, and she remembers his lips against her ear, and she starts to feel flustered when shadow Kylo works on her neck. 

“How could _any_ woman allow this,” Rose sounds revolted next to Rey. 

“I don’t know…” Rey mutters.

The music rises even more, when Kylo tilts her head back with his hand.

“His fucking forcing her!” Poe spits.

Oh, no, he most definitely didn’t. 

The music practically explodes when the two shadows close the distance between them. It’s a violent kiss, she realizes, but maybe everything is with them. She almost smiles when the shadows start to tangle up in their clothes, and the holo cuts when the shadows disappear behind the door. 

The news anchor returns. 

“And you might ask, how do we know this was the Supreme leader? Our next holo was shot this morning.”

In daylight there can be no question of the identity of the man that walks out from Rey’s room. Rey holds her breath, did she walk out in the corridor? A hand grabs holo-Kylo by the neck and pulls him back behind the open door, and then he swiftly walks off.

“The big question is: who is she? This woman who’s captured the heart of Kylo Ren? Stay tuned, and we’ll do anything in our power to provide you with an answer.”

”WHO THE FUCK WOULD SLEEP WITH HIM?!” someone yells, and the discussion is in full swing.

She dodged the bullet, again. But next time she might not get as lucky. This has to stop. Her allegiance lies with the Resistance, it’s time she starts to act like it. 

✨

Kylo’s comm has buzzed a billion times, but he’s just ignored it. That may be the reason for the current banging on his door.

“KYLO FUCKING REN, open this door,” Hux yells, “right NOW!”

Kylo stays in bed, he just waves his hand in the general direction of the door, and it woosch open. Hux is red faced, which can’t be good.

“Have you seen the news?!

“Are we past titles, Hux?”

“Have you seen the news, _Supreme leader?”_

“No.”

Hux points at Kylo’s remote, and he uses it to turn the holo on. His eyes grow twice their size when a holo of him practically devouring Rey flickers to life. You can’t tell it's her, but he has a few distinctive features even as a grainy silhouette. A couple of moments later he steps out from her room in daylight, and it’s still most definitely him. 

“You told me that you had _business_ crucial to the _cause_ to attend to!” Hux hisses.

“Please Hux, you can’t expect me to live in celibacy?”

“No,” Hux scoffs, “but why can’t you fuck your whores on the cruiser like everyone else?”

Kylo is out of his bed within a second, throwing himself at Hux, and he uses his bare hands to choke him.

“She’s,” he growls in the General’s now purple face, “not a whore.”

Hux’s eyes are about to pop out of their sockets.

“Don’t you ever disrespect her again, or it’ll be the last thing you do.”

He releases Hux, and watches as he tries to regain his composure. 

“Very well,” Hux croaks, “forgive me, sir, I was out of line.”

“You sure was.”

“My point is merely that a man of your position has to be careful in your choice of partner. May I ask who she is?”

“She’s nobody.” But not to him.

“The paparazzi will become a thousand times worse.”

“I’m not planning on leaving the ship anytime soon.”

“Excellent.”

✨

Rey’s in her bed, trying to keep herself from breaking, when his bed bleeds together with hers. 

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Did you see… us?”

“Yeah,” she nods.

“Did anyone recognize you?”

“No,” she breathes, “but we can’t keep on doing… whatever it is we’re doing.”

He doesn’t look surprised. 

“Will you still let me arrange for you to see a doctor,” he asks after a long stretch of silence.

“Would it make you happy?”

“Yes.”

“I guess I’ll go then.”

“Good. Go meet the knights where you met them last time, and they’ll give you a ride. 8 in the morning, standard time, six standard days from now.”

“Thank you.”

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah Rey, how many times have you tried this this-is-the-last-time-thing?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m freestyling with the Ren-lore. A lot 😅

Rey’s shutting him out. He’s gotten used to their random encounters, and he might be a bit more stable now, since he got rid of that freak he had in his head for his entire life, but it would still be a stretch to call him _sane,_ and this yearning isn’t helping. Hux’s pleased though, it seems as if he believes _he’s_ the reason for Kylo’s regained interest in politics, as if his little speech of responsibility and distractions had set Kylo straight. If the General only knew that his strategy meetings and endless briefings are mere distractions from Kylo’s favorite distraction - Rey of Jakku. 

✨

It takes every ounce of everything she got to force the bond shut. She’s not a groupie to the galaxy’s dark master, she’s Rey of Jakku, Jedi apprentice and rebel fighter of the Resistance. Well, she’s that, and also increasingly pregnant, if that’s possible. She’s still able to hide her bump with loose tunics but without her clothes on there’s no doubt - she’s got a bun in her oven. His bun. In her oven. It’s a disaster of epic proportions, and she handles it by pretending it’s not happening. Leia has tried to corner her for days now, probably wanting to get in on Rey’s plan, but she doesn’t have one, which is why she handles the General the same way as the pregnancy, by avoidance. Early in the morning, six standard days after she last saw Kylo, she tells Rose she won’t be back until nightfall, because she has ‘Jedi meditation stuff’ to attend to all day. Rose just nods, and Rey hikes into the jungle. She doesn’t have to walk far, before meeting Kylo’s knights.

“Jedi,” the one Kylo had called Ap’lek greets her.

“Good morning,” she answers, earning a chuckle from the group of masked men. 

Manners might not be considered _cool_ by the Knights of Ren, but she raised herself better than to give a kriff about weird group dynamics. Ap’lek points at the knights’ one at the time and introduces them, before the unlikely gathering hikes further into the greenery. They reach a small clearing occupied by their ship, and it looks like they all dress, black and depressing.

”This is the Night Buzzard,” Kuruk rasps.

“She’s a… beauty.”

“My pride and joy,” Kuruk somehow manages to sound like a proud daddy even through the voice modulator. 

Rey’s always liked people who appreciates machines so she asks, even though she already knows the answer;

“It’s a modified Oubliette, yes?”

“Yes!” Kuruk actually wacks his hands together in excitement.

“You did good,” Rey grins, and just like that she’s sure she’s won Kuruk over.

Only five of them to go. 

✨

Kylo had planned on _not_ going to Naboo, but he’d realized he couldn’t trust anyone but himself to mindtrick the doctor, and that’s why he once again had to upset Hux and leave the Finalizer without answering any questions. He won’t let Rey know he’s there though, because she’ll probably kick his ass for being an overprotective stalker or whatever, and he won’t be able to kick hers back due to her being all knocked up. With _his_ child. It’s insane. Even if she won’t let him be a part of the baby’s life he’ll still be the father of an actual _person._ Fuck, it’s terrifying, what if he fucks the kid up?! The genetics are a bit worrisome, since exactly zero people of the Skywalker-line could be described as calm and collected, and Rey’s the tiniest bit impulsive and, to be honest, almost as explosive as he is. But perhaps her good qualities will compensate for the Skywalker-Organa-Solo-craziness he brings to the table?

✨

The knights shed their masks as soon as they enter the ship.

“We’ll have to kill you if you tell anyone,” Vicrul tells her with a wink.

Ap’lek is the eldest, by far, probably in his fifties, and Trudgen is the youngest, maybe a year or two older than Rey. The rest of them seem to be close to Kylo’s age, and she’s surprised to see, just as she’d been with Kylo, that they all look like men and not like beasts. Rey’s never been one for awkward silences, which is why she does her standard routine and asks questions that make the mood even more awkward. Why is she like this?!

“So, are any of you married?”

Six pairs of eyes stare at her as if she’s completely mental.

“Ap’lek actually is,” Trudgen comes to her rescue, “but the rest of us prefer to fuck whatever that moves—”

He slams his palm against his mouth.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have phrased it like that…”

“Ha!” Rey scoffs, “I grew up next to Niima outpost, I’m not some delicate lady.”

Trudgen nods. 

“Soooo, Ap’lek is a married man and the rest of you fuck whatever that moves… does that mean your _master_ does too?”

Trudgen looks like he wants to die. 

“It’s not our place to say,” Ap’lek tries to shut the conversation down.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’, then.”

“No!” Trudgen exclaims, “I mean… no, he’s always been the one with the strongest connection to the Force, meaning Snoke wanted him close, in order to shape him, so he’s been… _around_ less.”

“But he’s part of a religion that encourages _passion_ ,” Rey objects.

“Religion?” Vicrul cuts in, “are you talking about the Sith?”

“Well, yes.”

The six knights burst into laughter. Force these idiots! 

“What’s so funny?”

“The man is just as much a sith as he as he’s a jedi.”

“But he’s a darksider…”

“No,” Ap’lek says, “he’s a Ren. Snoke did his best on turning him all dark, and he sure has done some messed up shit during his years with that old maniac, but he’s never truly left the path of the Ren.”

“And that’s different _how?”_

“Well, as the code says _‘the Ren just is. It lives, and it consumes, and it doesn't apologize. It is its nature and nothing else.’_ ”

Rey’s head hurts. How did she end up on an enemy ship, discussing philosophy with the most ruthless warriors of the galaxy?

“I still don’t get it.”

“We use whatever side of the Force we have to in order to get what we need, we don’t separate it into ‘good’ or ‘bad’. The Force just is, like the Ren, or like you are just what you are. Why spend your life fighting parts of yourself?” Cardo fills in.

“It sounds awfully selfish.”

“Maybe it is. But if you’re to be a proper Jedi, you may never love that child of yours, or anyone else, because if you do there’ll always be the danger of you losing control, going full yellow eyes and burning cities to the ground. Isn't it better to know your darkness than to be consumed by it?” Vicrul muses.

“You don’t know me,” Rey snaps.

The knights chuckle in unison.

“We do know your temper,” Trugen snickers.

She would end them all, but she can’t, not without proving their point in the process. 

✨

“She knows you’re here, sir,” Ap’lek comms him.

“Did you tell her?”

“Of course not. She took one look at that doctor and said she’s never seen a person ‘that mindfucked’ and that it had to be your doing.”

Kylo huffs. 

“Was everything OK?”

“Just come over, boss.”

Kylo almost sprints the short distance from his Silencer to the tiny doctors office he’d found in the countryside outside of Theed. Rey’s sitting outside on a bench, wrapped up in a hooded cloak. It’s pitch black and most definitely a loan from one of his knights. 

“What did the doctor say?”

“She told me I’m almost halfway… I’m healthy, the baby’s healthy and you’re here even though I told you we can’t keep this up.”

Kylo can feel his cheeks heating.

“I just wanted to make sure she wouldn’t remember this.”

“ _I_ could’ve made that happen.”

“ _You’re_ the one asking to see _me._ ”

Rey flies off from the bench, with one finger in the air.

“Let me tell you one thing, Supreme leader! I—”

She looks like she’s trying to be angry, but without great success.

“May I escort you back to the ship?”

Rey squints at him.

“You’re such a brat, you do know that?”

“I’m basically a prince,” Kylo shrugs, “and the term you're looking for is ‘ _a gentleman’_.”

Rey snickers, and accepts his arm. They slowly walk back to the Night Buzzard, with half of his knights ahead of them and the other half behind them.

“It’s very pretty here,” Rey says, looking out over the closest body of water.

Kylo decides to take the shot:

“You don’t have to choose between the Resistance and the Order… I could buy you a house, here if you’d like, and you could just… live.”

✨ 

Just live. She’s never just lived. She’s always been fighting, first on Jakku and then with the Resistance. 

“You would do that?” she’s confused, “For me?”

“I would. I could visit,” he murmurs, “or not, if you don’t want me to. But you’d be safe.”

“I’ll think about it.”

They keep walking in silence. She hates the way it feels to walk next to him, surrounded by people willing to die for either of them at any given time (Trudgen had briefed her on Kylo’s orders, and whew, that man is _intense_ ), it feels like she somehow _belongs_. That’s what she should be feeling when she’s with The Resistance, not in the company of these lunatics. They stop next to the ramp when a gust of wind grabs hold of her hood, and her face is suddenly exposed to the Nabooian sun. Kylo chuckles.

“We need to have weights sewn into the hem.”

“That’s a thing?”

“Dramatic cloaks can’t malfunction when you need them the most,” he helps her readjust the hood, and bends down to her ear, “can I kiss you goodbye?”

She lets him, clinging to his neck a second too long, only stopping after the sound of a cleared throat.

Kylo hunches down and strokes her bump with one hand.

“Bye, little one,” he presses a kiss on her stomach and gets back up, “you better get a move on, scavenger.”

 _“Supreme leader_ ,” she enjoys the way his eyes grow black when she calls him by his title a little too much. 

She gets onboard, and the Night Buzzard is zooming through hyperspace within minutes. 

✨ 

He’d chosen Naboo for her doctor’s visit, since he’d known she would like the climate, the lakes and lush greenery, and his secret motive had of course been to persuade her to let him buy her a house. She hasn’t told him no, and that has to be a good sign? Right? Oh, Force, when did he become so fucking _soft_?! The old Kylo Ren would’ve just walked into the base on Ajan Kloss, chopped up anyone who dared to confront him, grabbed Rey and dragged her out of there, but now he’s just sitting on his ass and _waiting_ for her to agree on the only sensible option there is! And the risk of her getting caught grows everyday… she must agree, she simply _must._

✨

A house by a lake. Maybe a little cottage with a small garden, and a massive garage. She could raise her child there, teaching her (Rey’s still sure it’s a girl) everything she knows and Kylo could visit in secret. Leaving the Resistance would mean she has to lay her weapons down and abandon the cause, but it would also mean her child might be able to have a relationship with both of her parents. Becoming a galaxy saving Jedi has been her only goal since learning she’s force-sensitive, but Vicrul’s words hit her hard, and the thought of giving up the possibility of love, in order to save the galaxy, is almost enough to make her cry. She’s never just lived, she’s never had a proper home, she’s never felt unconditionally loved and she could have all of it, together with her baby, if she only lets Kylo get his way. But then again, she’s the sole person in this galactic conflict with power enough to challenge the Supreme leader, and surely it must be her duty to do so? Why else would the Force awaken in her, if not to defy his darkness with her light? 

Ever since _that_ holo, the one of Kylo Ren making out in a hotel corridor, every single rebel, save for Leia, has been eating dinner at the exact same time in order to keep up on the latest gossip. The cafeteria is packed and Rey wouldn’t mind eating another time, but Rose insists, since she’s heavily invested in the mystery of the soulless woman who’s fucking Kylo Ren. Rey has watched herself give in to him countless times by now, and she’s somehow managed to forget it’s actually _her_ on the holo. It kind of feels like she’s watching two complete strangers go at it, and she’s stopped reacting with pink cheeks every time she sees shadow-Kylo jam shadow-her against that door. But this holo doesn’t show a rerun of last week's events, and Rey realizes what’s about to happen when it’s too late. She’s sitting in the middle of the over-crowded cafeteria, crammed between two of Poe’s pilot friends, opposite Finn, Rose and Poe himself. The holo shows an enthusiastic woman with heavy makeup, greeting the viewers. 

“The plot thickens surrounding the mystery lover of the Supreme leader. Our plea for information from our viewers has provided us with some candid footage, and hold onto your hats people, because this is a big one! This was shot yesterday, on Naboo, and we’ve reason to believe Kylo Ren is to have a baby Ren.”

“WHAT?!” Agmena screams at the holo.

“Sch!” Rose hushes.

“This is some of his infamous knights,” Rey watches in horror as three of the knights come over the top of a small hill, “wearing all black like their leader. And here he comes, our Supreme leader, looking rather relaxed and content, and by his side is a lady who we must presume to be the same woman as he met on Takodana.”

Rey needs to get out. She stands, only to get pushed back down by the people behind her, who wants to keep their view of the holo. She won’t be able to leave. She can’t leave! It’s like everything is going in slow motion but at the same time at the speed of light and she can’t _breathe_.

“The mystery woman is also wearing a heavy black cloak, seemingly as a display of unison with the Supreme leader and his closest men.”

The holo shows how the wind grabs hold of Rey’s hood, and it blows from her face. It’s not a close up, and Rey thinks she’s gotten lucky again when Finn howls:

“He’s got himself a copy of _you_ Rey! It’s hilarious! I’m sure he wants her to whip him, like you did on Starkiller!”

Holo-Kylo kisses holo-Rey, and hunches in front of her.

“Pay attention now viewers, because here it comes!” the news anchor exclaims.

The Resistance lets out a collective gasp when they watch Kylo kiss a baby bump, while looking awfully much like an expectant father-to-be. Rey prays to anyone that might be listening that this is the end of the clip, but it’s not.

“We’re very happy to announce,”

No, please don’t.

“that we’ve managed to get a closer look on this young lady,”

Nononononono.

“and let me tell you, she’s gorgeous, as you can see for yourselves.”

It’s dead quiet in the cafeteria when the holo shows a crystal clear close up of the Supreme leader’s baby mama. The young woman standing next to Kylo Ren is unmistakably, undeniably, without a doubt, Rey of Jakku, rebel fighter of the Resistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh snap.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reading your comments on the last chapter made my entire week, and this week had Christmas in it 😅
> 
> EDIT: Since I posted this chapter I realized it’s a chapter that some might find difficult or even offensive to read, and that my original warning might not have been enough. So to clarify: The rebels aren’t happy. Rey will get abused, both physically and emotionally. Please skip this entire chapter if you’re triggered by violence.

Kylo’s in his training hall when Hux storms in, apparently furious. Again. It can’t be good for his blood pressure.

“You’re fucking the fucking JEDI GIRL?!”

Kylo bashes the last training droid into the floor, and looks up.

“Huh?”

“The _Jedi girl_! You’re _fucking_ her?!”

“How do you know?”

“It’s all over the holo net! They haven’t ID:d her but I’ve fucking eyes!”

Kylo pushes Hux out of his way and throws himself over a pile of his clothes, desperately trying to find his comm. 

“What the fuck, Ren!”

“SHUT UP!” Kylo shouts, while shaking his garments.

His comm falls out of the fabric and onto the floor, and Kylo picks it up to comm Ap’lek with shaking fingers.

“Master.”

“Ap’lek! It’s out. You need to go in there and get her, I don’t care what she says, fucking sedate her if you have to.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And Ap’lek,” Kylo can’t believe what he’s about to say, “set your guns on ‘stun’, she wouldn’t like people to die.”

“Of course.”

“But fucking kill them if you have to.”

“I’ll report back when we have her.”

✨

Rey sits frozen in a sea of people who’s all staring at her. It’s still silent, but a murmur is stirring in the far edges of the crowd, and she’s shivering in anticipation.

“You,” Finn breathes, “ _you?_ ”

“I can explain,” she whispers back.

That’s all the conformation the crowd needs, and it’s like an eruption of complete chaos. People are screaming at her, so many at the same time that she can’t make out what they’re saying, and they only get louder and louder. Everyone is suddenly on their feet, towering over her where she sits on her chair, still unable to move. 

“Let’s see if it’s true then!” the pilot next to her shouts, and yanks her by the hair, forcing her to stand.

Several pairs of hands start to work on her belt, while others pull at her tunic, ripping the buttons straight off.

“Please don’t…” she whimpers, trying to keep her tunic in place, but nobody cares.

The pilot still holds her by her hair, she knows she deserves this, for her ultimate betrayal, and she doesn’t even think to fight them off. The rebels have freed her of her tunic, it’s hanging in shreds over her shoulders and the crowd falls quiet for a second as they glare at her midsection. When they see the slight curve of her belly, they collectively take a step away from her, like she’s contagious. 

“It’s true,” Rose gasps from the other side of the table, where she, Finn and Poe are standing, observing the scene in complete disbelief. 

“Rose,” Rey begs, “please, I—”

“You fucking whore!” the man who holds her by the hair growls.

Someone dumps their entire tray of food over her face, making her temporarily blind. When her vision returns it’s blurry, but it’s good enough to let her see what’s happening, and she lets out a broken little wail as she watches Finn, Rose and Poe do what she never thought they would, the one thing she can’t bear. They don’t shout, curse her, or spits in her face, no, they’re _leaving_. They’re leaving _her,_ like everybody else always has, and they’re not even looking back, they’re just rushing through the crowd, trying to get as far away from her as quickly as they can. Something inside of her shatters, and the only thing that keeps her standing is the hand in her hair. 

✨

Kylo hasn’t even switched clothes, he’s running through the Finalizer in his training gear. Troopers glue themselves against the corridor walls, trying to keep out of his way, and the other personnel follow their lead, scurrying into any little corner they can find, trying to escape his attention. The only ones who carry on as normal are the cleaning droids, and Kylo shoves them out of his way using the Force, not giving a single damn of the binary curses they throw at him when they crash into the walls. He’s out of breath when he reaches the bridge, forcing him to grab the back of a seat and taking a deep breath before starting to bark orders.

“Change the course!”

“Sir?” the navigation officer looks confused.

“Set the course for Coruscant!”

“But we’re almost at our destination…?”

“Am I or am I not your _Supreme leader_ , officer?” Kylo stares at the obstinate officer, who seems to finally understand the gravity of the situation he’s currently in.

“You are,” the officer stutters, “of course, sir. Coruscant, yes,” the officer turns to his computer, and back to Kylo a few moments later, “we’ll be arriving in fifteen standard hours.”

“Make it twelve.”

“But…”

“Make it _twelve_ ,” Kylo growls, inches from the Officer’s face.

“O-of course, sir, we’ll be arriving in twelve hours.”

✨

Rey’s been dragged outside. The first kick hits her in the right knee, making her fall to the ground. She’s still not fighting, she can’t even remember that she _can_ fight, she’s in a haze, the kicks and punches don't even hurt, she’s just… numb. She curls into a ball, protecting her baby with the rest of her body, but other than that she doesn’t try to resist. 

“Fucking pig!”

“You hypocrite!”

“You make me _sick_!”

“We took you in!”

“Jedi slut!”

She clings to herself. Somehow she’s been convincing herself it wouldn’t be so bad if they found out, but she now realizes it couldn’t have played out any different than this. She’s always been prepared to die for _them,_ the only family she’s ever had, while they’re prepared to kill for the cause, and right now _she’s_ the biggest threat of their rebellion. That’s why they’re all turning on her, and why she deserves it.

“We need to make sure the bastard never sees daylight!” 

A chair crashes into her head, and she’s almost unconscious when hands grab her all over, pulling her in every direction. Her limbs feel like lead, she can’t get them to do what she needs them to do even when she sees some blurry man raise the chair in the air one more time.

“Stop this madness!” 

“She’s a traitor, General!”

“I don’t care what she is, we don’t lynch people!”

Rey lies motionless on the ground, her chest heaving. The chair topples over next to her.

“You…” Rey can tell it’s Poe speaking, somewhere in the distance, “you _knew._ ”

The confusion among the rebels are palpable, noticeable even to the half-passed-out Rey.

“You swore me to secrecy,” Poe sounds furious, “you told me your ties to him meant nothing!”

“Please, Poe, let’s talk this over later, now get that girl off the ground.”

“Are you worried,” Poe growls, “huh? Are you worried about your fucking GRANDCHILD?!”

Some of the rebels roar in recognition, others demand clarification. Rey can’t see anything but a sea of legs, but she doesn’t want to see this, the fall of Leia Organa. 

“She’s,” Poe shouts, “the mother of a man named Ben Solo, and yes, Han Solo was his father. Han was murdered by his own son!”

Murmurs buzz through the crowd and Poe yells even louder:

“Yes! You’re right! It was Kylo Ren who killed Han, but Kylo Ren is a taken name. His name used to be _Ben Solo!_ ”

Fury surges through the rebels once more, a foot smash straight into Rey’s face, and she falls into oblivion.

✨

Kylo paces back and forth on the bridge of the Finalizer. How long do they _need_ to fucking get her?! It’s been ten minutes and his comm is as silent as a rock. Hux hasn’t calmed down, and it seems as if he's determined to die today.

“Supreme leader, you need to get yourself together. We can’t just abandon our plans! The people of Ruwee, the _king,_ will take this as a personal insult!”

Kylo force chokes Hux, while dragging the gasping man towards him.

“Are you an imbecile, Hux? I’m the fucking _Supreme leader,_ and the mother of my child is most likely getting maimed by a herd of terrorists right as we fucking speak! Send my _humble fucking apologizes_ to the king and get the FUCK OUT OF MY FACE!”

The General sags into a human pile in front of Kylo’s boots, and Kylo can’t resist using them to give the man a kick in his ribs. Hux grunts and scrambles to his feet. Kylo marches towards the door, unable to stay in one place, and he shouts over his shoulder:

“I leave the command to you, Hux!”

“Yes, sir,” Hux squeals, before the door slams shut behind Kylo.

✨

“I need you to wake up, child,” Leia’s voice seeps into Rey’s brain, but Rey can’t make sense of it. 

Rey can feel the weight of something, some _one_? on top of her, and the noise surrounding them is deafening, but it’s like she’s in a bubble where nobody can reach her.

“I can’t hold them off on my own for long,” Leia hisses, “wake up!”

Rey tries to, she really does, but she can’t even open her eyes. Her mouth tastes like iron and dirt, and everything hurts. The sweetest sound she’s ever heard suddenly drowns the noise of everything else, it’s the engines of the Night Buzzard, she’s sure of it.

“Thank the Force,” Leia mutters.

The modified voice of Ap’lek cuts through the battle cries of two hundred rebels:

“Give us the Jedi girl, and we’ll let the rest of you live.”

“Fuck you!” 

“She’s dead already, along with her fucking abomination!”

But the knights don’t waste any time arguing, instead the air is filled with the sounds of blasters, and the rebels start to fall all around Rey. She manages to open one eye, and all she sees is people running in every direction. Five of the knights, Kuruk’s likely piloting, stalks towards her, and Trudgen falls into a run when he sees her. 

“Jedi!” he calls out.

Rey can’t answer, but Leia does:

“You need to get her out.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

Leia gets on her feet, and the lifted weight makes Rey take a gulping breath of air. 

“Good girl,” Trudgen coos, “throw an arm around my neck.”

The other knights have spread out, creating a circle surrounding Trudgen, Rey and Leia. There’s not many rebels that actually stays to fight them, and those who do are soon incapacitated. Rey drapes an arm around Trudgen’s neck, and he picks her up from the muddy ground. 

“Okay, let’s go,” he tells the others.

“No…” Rey whispers.

“Huh?”

“You need to bring the General too,” she mumbles. 

Rey doesn’t really follow the discussion this statement unleashes, because everything she can think about is to _not let go_ of Trudgen. When they finally start to move the darkness claims her once more. 

✨

It’s been half an hour and the comm stays silent. Kylo has torn a meeting room to pieces, with his saber and with his hands. 30 minutes in a meeting is nothing, a 30 minute workout is nothing, 30 minutes next to Rey’s glorious body is _nothing_ , but 30 minutes in a battle is an eternity. He should’ve heard something by now. Fuck, why, _why_ did he listened to her?! He cries out, and starts to pace through the corridors, with his saber still burning in his hand. 

Kylo’s just reached his quarters when the comm _finally_ crackles to life.

“We got her, boss,” Ap’lek reports.

“Is she okay?”

A silence that stretches far too long tells him more than he wants to know.

“She’s… alive, sir.”

“How bad is it?”

“She'll need a bacta tank, we’ll do what we can in the meantime.”

“And the baby?”

Another long silence. 

“I’m not a midwife, sir.”

Force help those dirty rebels if they’ve killed his child. They’ll all die painfully and slowly, and he’ll fucking resurrect them just to be able to kill them once more. 

“Set course for Coruscant, I figure that’s the best place to meet up.”

“Coruscant it is, sir.”

“Anything else?”

Silence again.

“We wouldn’t have been able to get her out alive without some assistance…”

“Assistance? What are you talking about?”

“That would be me, Ben.”

“Don’t call him that, he’ll go berserk,” Trudgen’s voice calls out somewhere in the background.

“I’ll call my son whatever the fuck I want!”

Oh, great.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I had writing (mostly journalistic) as my orientation in the Swedish version of high school and I’m raised to never write anything that aren’t strictly necessary for the story... so right now I’ve one path planned for this story that’s very follow-the-dramaturgy-curve, BUT I also have these very loose thoughts of saying F.U to dramaturgy and just let our space idiots figure things out without explosions etc etc. More of a reality show than an actual story™, you know? 
> 
> This was a very long way of asking: what do you rather read? The voting poll is open!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it’s me again. To those of you who felt I took it too far last time; please forgive me. I obviously never meant for any reader to take offense.
> 
> Thank you so much for all of your comments, and please know I love them even when you don’t agree with me 😊
> 
> I’m compensating for last night’s chapter with a Ben Solo-splurge 🎁!

“Hello, General,” Kylo sighs.

“Hardly,” Leia scoffs, “I just got fired. You’ll address me as ‘Leia’ or _‘mom_ ’.”

“What happened?”

“People lost it. Completely. I never would’ve thought it would get that bad… and Rey she…”

“She what?”

“She just… shut down, Ben. It was like she wasn’t even there.”

“I should’ve picked her up sooner.”

“I’m sorry, I thought I could keep her safe.”

Kylo sinks down on his bed. 

“It is what it is. But you understand I can’t take you in? Everyone knows your face.”

Leia barks a short laugh.

“I’m assuming you’re not planning on democracy anytime soon?”

“No.”

“Then I’ve no plans on staying. Your lovely boys have promised me a lift to Kashyyyk, Chewie is there visiting, I’ll go stay with him.”

“Excellent.”

“But son,” Leia takes a deep breath, “could you please come onboard and let me see you before I go?”

Kylo nods, before realizing she can’t see him.

“As you wish.”

He’s been standing in the hangar for the last three hours, along with an entire flock of medical personnel. One of the nurses fainted after standing in attention for an hour, and had to be taken to med bay herself, but the rest of them seem to be experienced enough to shift their weight between their feet while waiting. It feels like when he waited for her on the Supremacy. That time she’d been looking like a fucking celestial being, with her hair down and eyes glimmering with hope, but Kylo’s quite certain she won’t be looking like that now. Where are they?! The Finalizer has been hovering in Coruscant’s orbit for a standard hour. The navigation officer had been able to make the journey in eleven hours and fifty seven minutes, a feat Kylo’s rather pleased with. He might even have to give the man some recognition. Kylo’s wrist comm buzzes.

“They’re coming in now, sir.”

“Thank you, Mitaka.”

Kylo turns around, facing the medical staff.

“On your fucking toes!” he barks.

“Of course, sir!” a doctor calls back. 

The hangar doors glide open, the Night Buzzard zooms through them and lands on the hangar floor. Kylo rushes towards the landing ramp, with the medical staff half running behind him. He barges in, not even seeing his knights, and comes to a sudden halt when he reaches the sleeping quarters. She’s lying in one of the bunks, and she’s hardly recognizable. 

“Fuck!” he exclaims, unable to move any closer.

The battery of medical personnel swarms the close space, all of them very carefully avoids bumping into him. He’s staring blankly at them when they start to check her vitals. A tiny young woman taps his shoulder.

“Forgive me, sir, but we need to move her to the stretcher now.”

Kylo doesn’t understand at first, but when the nurse gestures at the narrow space he nods and walks back out into the hangar. After a couple of minutes the hovering stretcher glides down the ramp, and she doesn’t look any better in the harsh lighting of the hangar. 

“Trudgen,” Kylo murmurs, “go with her. I’ll be right there, I just need a word with my…”

“Sir.”

Kylo watches as she’s taken away, surrounded by staff and followed by Trudgen. Kylo returns into the ship, and finds his mother inside the cockpit. 

“Ben!”

She’s so small, his mother. Small, but terrifying, as she always has been. She walks right up to him, and wraps herself around his chest. 

“Take care of her, will you?”

“Of course,” he mumbles, while awkwardly returning her embrace.

“Comm the Falcon if you need me, I left the frequency to Kuruk.”

“Yes, okay.”

“I’m so happy to see you, son,” Leia’s broken the hug, and is stroking his cheek instead.

Like Han did, right before he…

“I’m sorry, mom,” he breathes.

“I know you are,” Leia pats his cheek, “now, go, tend to your girlfriend.”

“She’s not my—”

“Oh hush, just go!”

“When will she wake up?”

“Impossible to say, sir,” the doctor muses, and it’s the same answer Kylo’s gotten the other ten times he’s asked, “it could be within the hour or in two days.”

“Right.”

“You don’t need to stay, sir, we can send for you when she wakes up.”

“I’m staying.”

“Of course, Supreme leader.”

Kylo’s been spending the last two days in an armchair next to her, first during her time in the bacta tank, and now by her bed. Monitors beep around them, and Kylo can’t understand them, but the staff has shown him the monitor that registers the steady beat of her heart and he’s been spending hour upon hour staring at it. The bacta has done wonders on her wounds, and she’s now looking like she’s simply sleeping, not recovering from a massive trauma. A trauma he’s responsible for. Fuck, he _knew_ they would tear her to pieces if they found out and he _still_ let her _stay_. He’s a fucking idiot. 

“Supreme leader.”

“What is it, Hux?” Kylo hisses without turning around.

“You’re needed.”

“I’m _not_ needed.”

“The Supreme council is starting to get worried about your… priorities.”

Kylo scoffs.

“You’ve been away from office for _three days._ ”

“I’m trusting you and the rest of the council to manage things until my return.”

“And when will that be?”

“I don’t fucking know, Hux, get out,” Kylo growls.

“But—”

“Get out!”

Hux mutters something unintelligible and leaves. 

“I’m sorry about him,” Kylo whispers in her ear, before pulling his chair closer. 

✨

Rey doesn’t know where she is when she wakes up. She’s in a bed. There’s something beeping. A head full of black curls is resting on the edge of said bed, and the head’s connected to a body clad in a black, padded, tunic. Her own head is aching with a dull pain, and she’s having trouble piecing everything together. Is this a… medical bay? It’s certainly not the Resistance’s med bay, considering that the equipment looks brand new. But if she’s not with the Resistance… then where is she? And why..? Blurry memories start to stir; a holo. A hand in her hair. People leaving. A chair. Leia’s body on top of her own. Trudgen. Rey startles upright. Her baby! She desperately palms her stomach, searching for the flutter she’s been able to feel the last couple of weeks. Her sudden movements make the head on her bed rise, and she finds herself staring at Kylo Ren. He’s looking like he hasn’t slept for days. He smells like it too, to be honest. 

“Rey,” his voice is hoarse.

“The baby?” she whispers, terrified of the answer. 

Kylo grabs her hand with both of his.

“She’s okay,” he murmurs.

“Really?” 

“This is her heart,” Kylo points to a monitor that’s beeping steadily.

Rey watches a tiny dot that blinks in sync with the beeps for a little while. Something hot and burning claws inside her chest, and it doesn’t matter how hard she fights it, she still starts to cry. It’s not a single tear finding its way down her cheek, or a few sniffles, no, she’s practically howling. Kylo gets on his feet, and then shuffles into her bed. She clings to him, and his arms around her is the only thing keeping her from falling apart. 

✨ 

Rey’s released from med bay later the same afternoon. The doctor’s pleased with her progress, but he’d recommended a couple of days of rest in order to completely heal Rey’s concussion. Her eyes are wide as they slowly make their way from the med bay back to his quarters. 

“That’s my quarters,” he tells her, pointing at his door, “and this is yours,” he points at the door opposite his own. 

Kylo unlocks her door and it whooshes open. The space is a mirror of his quarters, there’s a seating area, a small dinner table with two chairs, a large fresher, and an alcove containing a bed, all of it in different shades of black and grey. That she’ll hate, but there hasn’t been any time to redecorate. And besides, she’ll leave soon. 

“Thank you,” she whispers, looking like she's on the verge of tears. 

“It’s nothing.”

“You got me flowers,” her bottom lip shakes as she spots pots of flowers littered over the room. 

“I know you like green things,” he mumbles. 

Ah, great, he made her cry again. 

“Hey, I’m sorry,” he tries, not really knowing what he did wrong.

“Don’t mind me,” she sniffles, “I think I need to sleep for a bit.”

“Of course,” he falters for a second, “do you… want me to come by later?” 

“Maybe for dinner?” the thought of food seems to cheer her up. 

“In two hours?”

“Sounds good,” she tries to smile, “see you.”

Her doors shut behind her, and Kylo stands frozen in the corridor, staring at it. What’s he supposed to do now? 

✨

Rey of the Resistance is currently on an enemy spacecraft, in a room that’s probably never been lived in, and she’s walking around in it without really seeing. The bed is bigger than any bed she’s ever seen, the bedding is black, just as the armchairs and the doors. Everything else is dark grey, bordering on black, everything but the flowers, and they’re looking as out of place as she feels. She walks over to the fresher, and momentarily forgets all her troubles when she realizes the shower isn’t a sonic shower but a _real_ one. She rips the borrowed clothes off her body and turns the water on. The warm water cascades around her, and she stays under it until her fingers wrinkle. She dries off, and stumbles into bed. Sleep claims her instantly, and she doesn’t dream.

✨ 

Kylo’s been pacing outside her room for several minutes now. She’s not answering when he knocks, and it’s been more than two fucking hours. Is she sleeping still? Doesn’t she want to see him? Is she… angry? Kylo spent the two past hours washing up, and he also managed to squeeze in a short meeting with a very annoyed Hux. He can’t be accused of being the most focused statesman right now, but he’s at least tended to the most pressing matters. Kylo knocks again, or rather bangs, but still nothing. He’s the Supreme leader, isn’t he? He is. Kylo violently presses his palm against the lock, and the door whooshes open. The room is dim-lit, and he hesitantly steps inside. The door closes behind him, and he regrets his decision of barging in when he sees Rey’s sleeping form under the thick covers. But there’s no turning back now, since the sound of the door closing snaps Rey awake. 

”Who’s there?!” she cries out.

“It’s just me.”

“Force Kylo!” sounding more like herself, “are you here-here or through the Force?”

He could lie.

“I’m here-here, I got worried when you didn’t open the door.”

Rey turns her bed light on, and raises an eyebrow.

“So you decided to storm in?” 

“Well, I—” Kylo suddenly realizes she’s wearing _nothing_ to bed.

Her tanned shoulders peak up over the covers, and the hand she used to turn on the light is attached to an arm that’s just as tanned. And she’s dusted with freckles. All over.

“Hello?” 

What the fuck is wrong with him?! She’s just risen from practically _the_ _dead_ and he’s over here drooling over her _skin_?

“Excuse me,” he mumbles, forcing himself to stare at the floor, “dinner will be served in my room in ten minutes.”

Kylo is half way through the door when she answers:

“Oh. I’ll be right over.”

✨

What’s up with him? Rey gets out of bed, and finds her way to a drawer (black) and inside of it she finds clothes in her size (also black). She picks a pair of leggings and a tunic with long sleeves. The only pop of color is a blood red waistband, which makes Rey late, because she can’t figure out if the band is to be tied _under_ or _above_ her bump. She finally chooses above, and she pulls her hair into a low bun at the nape of her neck. The person looking back at her from the mirror doesn’t really look like her, and it’s not just the clothes, there’s something different in her eyes too. But never mind, her appetite hasn’t changed, and dinner is waiting. 

✨

Kylo had planned to play it cool, but he activate the door the second her knuckles touch it. She looks surprised when the door opens, and she’s also looking divine. Black suits her, and her tiny bump is accentuated by some sort of ribbon. 

“Hi,” he mumbles, like an idiot.

“Hey,” she answers.

He shows her inside, and they take their seats by his table, that’s all but caving under the weight of the amounts of food Kylo’s ordered. He might have overdone it. 

“This looks _amazing_ ,” Rey’s beaming.

They eat under silence, Rey like she’s never seen food before, and she only speaks when she wants to know _what_ she’s eating. Kylo is desperately trying to figure out what he’s supposed to say to her. All of their meetings so far have been time-limited, either by the will of the Force or by the fact that they stole one single night to bone their brains out, and those meetings have left no time for fucking small talk. But now… now all they have is time, and he doesn’t know how to… behave? They somehow know everything about each other but they still don’t know… each other. Kylo drags his palms against his pants, suddenly remembering those awful charity balls Leia used to bring him to as a child. He even thinks about picking a fight with her, but naturally, he can’t do that, she’s still recovering from her injuries…

“Hey, Solo,” Rey waves her hand in front of his face, “are you in there?” 

“Huh? Yes.”

“I’m going back to bed.”

“Yes, of course,” he stands so fast his chair topples over. 

Idiot. 

Rey snickers, and leaves.

✨

Sleep doesn’t come. The events of her last day on Ajan Kloss play over and over in her head, no matter how hard she tries to think of something, _anything_ , else. She finally gives in, gets out of bed, and out through her door. She knocks softly on his, and it opens within seconds. He’s still up, sitting in the same armchair as he did on Life Day, all those months ago, when they created this mess in the first place. 

“Rey?”

“I didn’t even try to fight them,” she whispers.

He gets up from his chair, and walks to her. 

“It’s okay.”

“It’s _not_! She could’ve been killed…”

His hands grab her by her upper arms, and his voice is firm.

“But she wasn’t. I should’ve gotten you out sooner, I’m sorry.”

“I should’ve listened to you,” Rey sobs.

“You should always listen to me,” he grins.

She shoves his hands away, easily falling into their familiar way of bantering.

“As if,” she tries to sound annoyed, but it comes out as a broken squeak.

“Scavenger,” he murmurs, catching one of her hands, “stay the night.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve fucked up so bad, Ben.”

“I’ve been fucking things up since before you were born, let’s go to sleep.”

“I just—”

“I know. I _know._ ”


	16. Chapter 16

Rey wakes up in his arms and for a moment it feels like everything will just… _work._

“Won’t you come with me to Ruwee tomorrow?,” he rumbles in her ear.

“What’s happening there?”

“Ah, it’s some event, celebrating our prosperous future together…”

“A ball?”

“Yes.”

“In your honor?”

“Well, yes, I did save the man’s life.”

So much for everything just _working_.

“Are you insane, Kylo?”

“Huh,” he frowns.

“I’m not here because I’ve switched sides, you know that.”

“I know.”

“And if I go to a ball with _you_ , as your what? Your _date?_ What kriffing signals will that send out?”

“It was only a _suggestion,”_ Kylo growls.

“Well, it was a horrible idea.”

”I got things to do,” he’s suddenly out of bed, “Trudgen will come by later and keep you company.”

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

“He’s coming anyway.”

Rey stays in bed while Kylo takes a shower and gets dressed, and the whole process only takes him a couple of minutes. He doesn’t say anything before he leaves. Insufferable human being! What was he thinking? That she’d just forget everything _she_ fought for, only because he swooped in like some kriffing saviour? 

✨

“She’s in a mood today,” Kylo tells Ap’lek as they walk together to the morning briefing.

“And you are beaming, master,” the knight deadpans. 

“Well, _thank you_ ,” Kylo murmurs in a tone that would make a lesser man piss himself, but Ap’lek is grinning underneath his mask, Kylo’s sure of it.

They reach the meeting room, and Kylo forces himself to stop thinking about her reaction on the thought of being his date. The room is already filled with people, and Kylo takes his seat. The Supreme Council is a gathering of the, supposedly, brightest members of the First Order, but Kylo has always had some difficulties staying focused during their sessions, because, Force, people enjoy the sound of their own voices. He wishes he could have his mask back, like Ap’lek. He’s pretty sure the knight’s planning on a little nap, and Kylo sure wouldn’t mind sleeping through this tedious discussion on hyper lane taxation. 

”Before we’re dismissed there’s one more issue,” Hux states, after an eternity.

The other council members squirm in their seats.

“What, Hux?” Kylo sighs.

“The Jedi, Supreme leader.”

“What about _the Jedi?_ ”

Hux falters, but another General, Jandi, speaks up:

“She’s with the Resistance, is she not?”

“She _was._ ”

“Are we certain she’s not a planted spy, sir?”

“They beat her half to death.”

“Their methods are known to be barbaric,” Jandi swallows, “I find it strange, the fact that she’s saying it’s _your_ child when you’ve hardly ever met her.”

“This meeting is over,” Kylo mutters.

But Jandi doesn’t take the hint, and carries on:

“If it were to get out to the public, that the Supreme leader is to have a bastard child with a terrorist—” 

Jandi flies backwards, and crashes into the wall. Kylo stalks after him, grabbing the man by his uniform and pulling him back up to his feet, only to plant a punch square in the General’s face, making the man topple over once more. 

“No one is to speak of the Jedi girl,” Kylo growls, “am I making myself fucking clear?”

Everyone in the room nods, even Jandi down on the floor. Kylo signs to Ap’lek, and they take their leave.

✨

Trudgen forces Rey “out” for a walk, and They walk under silence for quite some time, up and down winding corridors that all look the same.

”What did he do to the Resistance?”

“Kylo?”

“Yes.”

“Nothing.”

“ _Nothing_?”

“Not that I know. Our orders were to get you out, and try to avoid killing people in the process.”

“ _Avoid killing?_ That doesn’t sound like him.”

“He said you wouldn’t like it” 

Rey doesn’t know what to say, so she falls back into silence. 

“Did you want him to do something?” Trudgen asks.

“What? No… of course not… I just thought…” Rey bites her lip, trying to get her mind straight. She can’t really be annoyed with the fact that her friends weren't wiped out? 

“Let me tell you one thing, if he’d been there… there had been no survivors. It was messed up, and I’ve seen some shit.”

“I can’t believe they all turned on me…” Rey bites down a sob.

“Some of them tried to break it off, along with Organa.”

“They did?” Rey hates the way her voice sounds, like it’s about to break any second.

“Yes,” Trudgen nods under his mask.

But they all left. Rey rubs her eyes aggressively.

“Is there a training hall around here?”

Trudgen takes a deep breath.

“Well… there is, but I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to train.”

”Just a tiny little spar session,” Rey looks up at Trudgen’s dark goggles and blinks, “please?”

“Kylo wouldn’t like it.”

“He doesn’t need to know.” 

✨

Kylo is positively _fuming_ as he marches back through the ship, with Ap’lek trailing behind as a quiet shadow. The man knows when he should stay out of things, and Kylo appreciates Ap’lek’s sense of tact, as Leia would have described the trait. Kylo is taking the shortest route to the closest training hall, and he’s already started to rip his tunic open when he presses his hand at the monitor and steps inside. But the hall isn’t empty. Trudgen _fucking_ Ren is trying to strike his… whatever she is, down. 

“What the _fuck_ are you doing?”

“Master!” Trudgen, gasps, his unmasked face distorted in surprise.

Rey uses his momentary loss of focus to trap one of his legs with a wooden training staff, and he falls heavily to the floor. She looks almost giddy, but Kylo is anything but.

“Answer me.”

“She wanted to train,” Trudgen mumbles from the training mat.

“She was _unconscious_ yesterday!”

“ _She’s_ standing right here!” Rey cuts in. 

“Do you want me to yell at you instead?!” 

“You don’t have to yell at anyone!”

“Then please,” Kylo growls, “enlighten me, what are you doing?”

“Sparring,” she states, swinging her staff in his face for emphasis.

Trudgen has gotten up on his feet, and he slowly makes his way over to Ap’lek, who’s by the door. 

“And do you think it’s a good idea, considering your current situation?” 

“I’m not made of glass, Solo! And besides, he didn’t even dare to touch me!”

“I’m happy to hear someone at least tried to act like a fucking grown up!” he’s back to yelling now, “And that’s not my name!”

“It _is_ your kriffing name!” she shouts back.

“That baby,” Trudgen murmurs to Ap’lek, “is going to be out of control.”

“Hush,” Ap’lek wheezes, “let’s get out.” 

The two knights leave, and Kylo stands in the middle of the room, breathing heavily, trying to rein himself in. She’s not making it easy though. 

“I don’t get why you’re so upset,” Rey squints at him.

“Please,” he sighs, “don’t play stupid.”

“I’m not.”

Kylo runs his hands through his hair. This impossible, infuriating woman! He turns his back at her, unable to meet her gaze.

“I thought…” he mumbles, “I thought you’d die.”

“Oh.” 

“And that she would too.”

“Right.”

He turns back to face her again. Her cheeks are stained pink, and she’s staring at the floor.

“I just… wanted to see if I still _can_ fight…” she whispers. 

“Of course you can.”

“But I didn’t.”

Her shoulders fall forward, her staff drops, which rattles down on the floor and she hides her face in her hands. He made her cry. _Again._

“Rey… I didn’t mean to.. I mean, can’t you wait until the doctor says it’s ok?” 

✨

Rey spent the night in her own room, not really knowing why, because she sleeps much better when she’s not alone, but she doesn’t want to give him any ideas. Or herself. Nobody can have ideas. He’s going to Ruwee today, and she’s still obviously not coming. Staying on the ship without him on it will be weird though, but Trudgen has promised to show her the library so maybe time will pass quicker than she thinks. 

✨

“I just wanted to remind you that Ruwee journalists have an enthusiastic approach,” Hux muses, as they descend in their shuttle.

“Meaning?”

“They’re not likely to let the thing with…” Hux clears his throat, “with the child to pass.”

Kylo scoffs.

“All I’m asking is that you don’t lash out. The people of Ruwee _loves_ you ever since you saved their king, it would be a PR-nightmare if you choked some poor reporter.”

“Fine, I’ll behave.”

He didn’t really know what he signed up on. As soon as they leave the shuttle they’re completely swarmed by reporters. 

“Who is she?!”

“Supreme leader, when do we get to see your wife?”

“When is the baby due?!”

“Is it a boy or a girl?”

“Why didn’t you bring your lady?!”

Kylo stalks through the crowd, and he’s obviously still intimidating enough to make people fall back and give him space, even if the Ruwee journalists seem to be bolder than many others. He makes his way up to the king, who looks delighted to see him again.

“Supreme leader!” the king bows.

“King Fura,” Kylo nods.

They exchange pleasantries for a few moments, before the king exclaims:

“My wife and I were of course delighted to learn that you’re expecting. It’s an adventure, is it not?”

Oh, no, not him as well. Ignoring the press is one thing, ignoring a king could be enough to spark a diplomatic crisis. Fuck. Leia would’ve handled this in a way that would’ve made everyone love her, without actually saying anything, but Kylo’s never had her way of dancing with words so he just grunts, hoping the king will let the matter go. He doesn’t.

“I was hoping to have the honor of meeting your wife!”

“She’s…” fuck, he shouldn’t say anything, but he has to say _something_ , “indisposed.”

The flashes from the holo cameras intensify. 

“Naturally,” the king beams, and Kylo can’t help but feeling trapped, “it’s a trying time for any young woman. Let’s get you settled in.”

✨

Rey is staring at the holo in complete disbelief.

“Did he just… confirm..?”

“Looks like it,” Trudgen sits at the edge of his seat. 

Rey doesn’t read a single word all day. All she does is to watch the holo net, that’s showing the galaxy’s pink cheeked Supreme leader mumble ‘She’s indisposed’ over and over, in every thinkable angle and when they’re not showing that clip, the holo hosts are _talking_ about that clip. 

“It was the king of Ruwee, Rudrasi Fura, himself who managed to lure out this confirmation from our Supreme leader,” a hostesses chirps, “what are your thoughts on this, mr Feffon, expert on the Ruwee royals?”

“It was a bold move, on King Fura’s behalf,” Mr Feffon says, in a somber tone, “since the Supreme leader hasn’t made his relationship public one can’t help but wonder _why_. Perhaps she’s merely a mistress? King Fura more or less forced a confession out of the Supreme leader, and I’m not sure that’s a good thing for the relationship between Ruwee and the Order.”

“Mistress?” Rey huffs in disapproval.

“What are you then,” Trudgen smirks while stuffing his face with some kind of dried insects.

This man has quickly reached the position of being the most annoying person in Rey’s life. 

“I don’t know… I’m definitely not his _mistress_ anyway.”

“So… his girlfriend?”

“What?! No, are you insane?”

“Wife?”

“Force, Trudgen, just shut up! We share a Force bond and that’s it.”

“And a bed, occasionally.”

“ _Trudgen_!”

✨

The ball is as hideous as they all are. Kylo can’t grasp how his life ended up this way, he’d promised himself, back when he still was Ben Solo, that he would never _ever_ attend any horrible event where the rich congratulated each other on being rich as an autonomous adult. Yet here he is, attending a party in his fucking name, as if he’s still clinging to the skirts of Leia Organa. He’s escaped into an empty hallway, the royal palace has plenty of those, and he’s pacing it restlessly, wondering how soon he can excuse himself from the festivities. At first he thinks it’s just the drinks, but he soon realizes it’s their bond that warps his reality together with hers. 

“Scavenger,” he purrs, briefly noticing how much easier it is to interact with her when he knows she can vanish at any second.

“Supreme leader,” she huffs, while brushing her hair, her back turned towards him.

She’s dressed in one of the black silk nightgowns he got for her and the sight makes his stomach flutter. 

“Save me,” he murmurs, walking up to her.

“I’m angry with you,” she furrows her brows, while looking sternly at him through the mirror in front of her.

“You always are,” he breathes against the bare skin of her shoulder.

“You’re drunk.”

“Tipsy, at most.”

He can’t help it, his hands snake their way over the silk. She doesn’t stop him, and he presses his lips against her neck. 

“Ben,” she sighs, leaning into him ever so slightly, “what are we?”

The Force doesn’t grant him the opportunity to answer, because he's suddenly embracing nothing but thin air. 

“Fuck!” 

“Supreme leader?” Mitaka pops his head through the door, “the toast in your honor is coming up.”

“Yes. Splendid. Thank you, Mitaka.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year everyone! 2020 was scary, we’ve a child with special needs and she’s at high risk if she were to get Covid. Finding my way to Ao3 was honestly one of the things that kept me sane through 2020, both by reading everybody’s wonderful stories, and by giving me my writing mojo back. I haven’t written anything fictional in almost 15 years (whew, that makes me sound super old), and it’s been so much fun to pick it back up. It would never had happened without your support, so thank you so very much for cheering me on.


	17. Chapter 17

Rey is unable to fall asleep for an embarrassingly long time. When she manages to not think of the Resistance, she thinks of the craziness of her creating a _new person_ within herself and when she manages to not think of the person-creating-process, she thinks of his lips against her skin, and Force, those lips could keep her up every night for the rest of her life. She would never admit it, but there’s a part of her that’s hoping he’s going to knock on her door when he gets back to the Finalizer. He never does though, and she eventually drifts off. 

✨

Kylo has tried to leave the party at least four times but Mitaka and Hux forces him to stay by reminding him of his _duties_. Kylo wants to get back to the Finalizer while Rey’s still awake, so that they can finish their _talk_ but he’s in no luck. The night drags on and on, and when he’s finally back it’s in the middle of the night cycle. He stands outside her door for a minute, contemplating, but decides that they can talk it out in the morning. 

Turns out they _can’t_ talk it out, since Rey seems to have forgotten the question she’d asked. She barges in early in the morning, before he’s even awake, and starts to argue about his latest encounter with the outside world.

“I’m ‘indisposed’, huh, Ren?!”

“What…” Kylo forces his eyes open. 

“Why the Force would you claim I’m your kriffing _wife_?!”

“I said no such thing,” Kylo grunts, while propping himself up against the headboard. 

This was not the kind of meeting he’d had in mind when he gave her access to his quarters.

“I watched the news all day and all night yesterday, and let me tell you, _everyone_ is certain you’re a married man.”

“What was I supposed to say then?”

”Nothing!”

“He’s _the_ _king_. I couldn’t ignore him.”

“I thought you were the kriffing Supreme leader!”

“We’ve been over this.”

”I was on the net a billion times too, you know,” she points to herself, before shoving the same finger in his face, “and now everyone in this galaxy thinks I’m _your_ wife!”

✨

The temperature drops to below freezing within the blink of an eye. Kylo clenches his jaw, before collecting his face to the mask-less mask he usually never wears when he’s with her.

“Forgive me,” his voice is oddly calm, “I’ve failed to realize your opinions of me haven't changed since the Supremacy.”

“What?”

“Give me a few days,” he mutters while getting up from bed, “and you’ll have your house. Now if you excuse me, I’ve to get ready.”

He stalks the few steps from his bed to the fresher, without as much as looking at her.

“Hey! We’re kind of in the middle of something!” Rey exclaims to his back.

He doesn’t stop walking.

“You’ve made your point very clear, and I’ll respect your wishes. We’re not in the middle of anything.”

✨

Kylo turns his shower on and stays in there far longer than necessary. He just wants to make sure she won’t be waiting for him, because he can’t take any more of her bullshit. He’s been a fool. A fool for believing that they would ever reach some form of agreement. But the look on her face when she’d spat the words ‘your wife’... Kylo bites down so hard he swears he can hear a tooth crackle. He’s an idiot. Idiot. Idiot!

✨

Rey returns to her own quarters. She can’t get a hold of that kriffing man! 

“Force!” she howls, before slamming her fist on the table.

“He’s rubbing off,” Trudgen sounds amused.

“How did you get in?!”

“We all have access,” he waves his palm in front of him, “in case of emergencies.”

“There’s no emergency,” Rey growls.

“No, I just didn’t have it in me to knock.”

“What’s wrong with people on this ship?!”

“What did he do this time?”

“He’s just so… I can’t even… kriff!”

Rey throws herself into one of the armchairs and Trudgen waltzes over to the other one. He’s grinning from ear to ear. Bastard.

“I’m here now, aren’t I? Like he’s been asking for, for _months,_ ” Rey mutters, while picking, a bit too aggressively, on her nails, “But now he’s _rehoming_ me?”

“That can’t be right.”

“Yes, he just told me, ‘give me a few days and you’ll have your house’,” Rey imitates his deep voice, earning a snicker from the knight. 

“And what did you say to him _before_ he offered you a house?”

“I just asked why he told the entire galaxy I’m his wife.”

“And how did that go?”

“He started to ramble about the Supremacy, I don’t know… and then he said he’d give me a house and then he kriffing left to take a shower!”

“What happened on the Supremacy?” Trudgen is hanging on to every word Rey says. 

“You must know? He killed Snoke, we killed the guards—”

“Yeah, I know.”

“and he asked me to _join the dark side.”_

Trudgen squints.

“Is that his _exact_ words? Because he’s a knight of Ren and he’s not all dark.”

“Well, that was the essence of it,” Rey crosses her arms over her chest. 

“The _exact_ words?”

Rey huffs.

“Rey?”

“‘Join me’”, she mumbles, before lowering her voice to a barely audible whisper; “‘please’.”

Trudgen’s eyes are suddenly twice their normal size.

“And you told him…?”

“Well… nothing really, we fought over a lightsaber and it exploded. And I left.”

“Wow. The two of you are officially the most idiotic people I’ve ever met.”

✨

Kylo has had another day of meetings and decision making, but that certainly hasn’t cheered him up. It’s almost time for dinner, and he’s stopped by the training hall to beat the life from three training droids simultaneously. Ap’lek walks into the hall, takes off his mask and looks at the maimed technology with a disapproving face. 

“What did she do?”

“Nothing.”

Kylo swings his saber in broad, uncontrolled, strokes and somewhere in the back of his mind the voice of Luke is scolding him for his sloppy technique.

“What did _you_ do, then?”

“Fuck off, Ap’lek.”

“Does it concern the fact that the holo net is going nuts over your… connection?”

Kylo finishes the last droid in a swift z-motion, so fast he manages to cut the droid straight through two times, making it clatter to the floor in three pieces. He glares at Ap’lek.

“Well yes. She’s expressed her complete revulsion of the idea of being my…”

“Wife?” Ap’lek fills in.

“Yes. So I’m arranging a house for her and the baby, and that’s it.”

“I see.”

The knight silently waits for Kylo to grab his things, before they start walking back to their quarters. Ap’lek’s jaw looks tensed, like it always does when he’s holding something back.

“Just spit out, Ap’lek,” Kylo sighs.

“Forgive me master, but I’m just wondering…”

“Yes?”

“Have you thought about this _situation_ from her perspective?”

Kylo doesn’t answer, he just marches on.

“It hasn’t been a week since she got turned on by her own… she might not be with the Resistance anymore, but has she really _left_ the Resistance?”

“They tried to fucking end her!”

“How many times did Snoke almost end you? You still stuck around.”

“That’s totally different,” Kylo growls.

”She obviously sees something in _you_ , but you’re not just you are you?”

“Huh?”

“That holo from Naboo is the reason she’s not with the Resistance right now, correct?”

“Correct.”

“Everyone who’s seen it, and that would be everybody, can tell there’s something between you but... has her view on things changed? Not regarding _you_ , but her view on your _position_? Being your wife wouldn’t be a regular marriage, it would be a political statement.”

Kylo scoffs.

“And maybe,” Ap’lek muses on, “she would’ve liked to be asked, before being introduced as being married to the man who’s running an organization she’s spent the last years of her life undermining?”

“But I didn’t introduce her!” 

“You didn’t dismiss the rumors surrounding your relationship either.”

“No…” Kylo grunts, “I guess I didn’t.”

✨

Someone’s knocking at her door, which rules out Trudgen, who’s proven to be above such trivialities as respecting people’s boundaries. A moment later Kylo steps through the door.

“Rey,” he murmurs.

“Ben,” Rey squints at him.

“That’s not—” Kylo clenches his fist, “never mind. I didn’t expect king Fura to break protocol. Ignoring the media is one thing, but ignoring a king… that could’ve been enough to jeopardize our treaty. I had to say _something_.”

“But you're the Supreme leader…”

“Yes,” Kylo pinches the bridge of his nose, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m trying to do things differently… and according to my advisors that includes me being…”

“Liked?” Rey offers.

“Not hated by everyone. I _could’ve_ ignored the king, he might’ve started complaining, I could’ve solved that by blowing Ruwee to dust but then every other planet in this galaxy would be prone to turn on me.”

“Yeah I get that but—”

“And the Supreme leader can’t have mistresses he knocks up and leaves…”

“Why?”

“It wouldn’t be _proper_ , if you ask Hux.”

Rey can’t keep it together anymore, she starts to giggle uncontrollably. 

“You’re truly the _worst_ dark lord ever!”

✨

Watching her laugh makes him momentary forget the entire conversation. 

“You’re a politician now,” she suddenly states, “like your mother.”

Kylo sighs, and takes a seat in one of her armchairs.

“You hate it,” he can hear the realization in her voice.

“I hate most things.”

“Very funny,” she takes the seat next to him, “why do you do it?”

Kylo can’t answer straight away. It’s too complicated to explain. Or maybe it isn’t.

“I killed my father, trying to bring order to the galaxy… and if I stop trying to do that—”

“You would’ve killed him for nothing,” Rey whispers.

Her tiny hand finds his.

“Yes.” 


	18. Chapter 18

Kylo startles awake with a racing heart and a sense of dread that chills him to the bone. It takes him a moment to realize it’s not _his_ panic, it’s hers. He grabs his saber from the nightstand and flies out of bed, opening his door, and hers, with the Force as he goes. The saber flares to life without him making a conscious decision as he reaches her quarters, acting on pure instinct. But there’s no one in there, just her, tossing in her bed while mumbling “please don’t” over and over. She’s dreaming. He switches the saber off and sighs, handling an _actual_ intruder would’ve been easier. Should he wake her up? Leave her be? Barge into her brain and rearrange things? 

“Rey,” he murmurs.

No response.

“Rey,” he tries it a bit louder this time, grabbing her foot, and giving it a little shake.

That did it. Kylo flies backwards and smashes into the wall. Rey sits in her bed with her arm reached out in front of her, looking utterly confused.

“Force, Rey,” Kylo grunts from the floor, scrambling to get back up.

“Kylo?” her voice sounds brittle.

“You were dreaming. A nightmare, I believe.”

“I’ve been having a lot of those lately.”

Kylo is suddenly acutely aware of the fact that he ran into her room wearing nothing but underwear. Rey turns her bedside light on, and fuck, his undressedness feels extraordinarily out of place. They haven’t as much as kissed since she got onboard the Finalizer, and now he’s _in her room_ , wearing practically nothing, as if she ever would want him like _that_ again... He twirls the saber hilt.

“I just came over to see if I were… needed.”

Rey bites her lip, her eyes travel all over him and Kylo’s never felt so exposed. 

“I should head back,” he stutters, like the blockhead he is.

“No.”

“No?”

✨

Waking up from an awful dream to _this_ , it’s the polar opposites of nightly experiences. That massive human tree of a man that’s standing in her bedroom is dressed in nothing but a pair of shorts, while compulsively spinning his saber hilt, and Rey knows she’ll mess everything up even further _but_ in all honesty, how much messier can it get?

“I do need you,” she breathes.

”To stay?”

Rey lifts her covers. Kylo stares at the mattress like he’s never seen a bed before. He pulls his free hand through his hair, while keeping the saber hilt twirling in the other. He glances at the door, then back at her.

“I don’t think… I mean, the doctor hasn’t cleared you…”

“ _Kylo_!”

“Fine!”

He slams the hilt down on her night stand, no longer hesitant, and shuffles into bed. It’s like the bond between them sighs in relief, and Rey props herself up to meet him with a kiss. He kisses her back, ever so quickly, before shoving her back into her pillow.

“There’s terms for this. Until the doctor says you can train,” he murmurs in her ear, “you aren’t allowed to exhaust yourself. You’ll stay right there, and leave the rest to me.”

“But—”

“Leave it to me, scavenger.”

She’s never been one for surrender, but what choice does she have? He uses _that_ tone, the one that, at least partially, got her into all of this. He could use it to ask her for anything and she would give it to him, and that’s a piece of information he can never have.

“And,” he carries on, “this happens to be my ship, and I know _these_ walls aren’t paper thin,” he kisses her ear, making her squirm, “and you won’t hold back this time. Understood?”

He searches her face with eyes so intense it’s almost painful to meet them, before returning to her ear. Does he already know what his voice does to her? Bastard.

“Tell me,” he growls, “you agree on the terms.”

“Yes,” she whispers.

“‘Yes’, what?”

“I-I,” her breath hitches when his teeth scrape her skin, “agree.”

She surrenders, and if she wasn’t so desperate for _this_ , she would smack that smug smile off his face.

✨

“Morning, boss,” Trudgen beams at the feet of her bed, “fancy seeing you here!”

“What the fuck?!” Kylo exclaims.

“He does that, he doesn’t think I’m worthy of a knock,” Rey huffs, pulling the covers over her head. 

“ _Trudgen_ ,” Kylo sits up, “if you ever get in here again without permission I’ll beat the life out of you.”

“Yes, master,” the knight doesn’t seem overly concerned, “I just wanted to let you know Kuruk’s returned from his trip, and you didn’t answer your comm.”

Because it’s in _his_ room. This can’t be good.

“What time is it?”

“Almost noon, sir,” Trudgen grins.

“Fuck!”

“Don’t leave,” Rey whines underneath the covers.

“Get out!” Kylo points at Trudgen, then at the door.

Force, help him, he’s missed at least two meetings already. Kylo stumbles out of bed, and spends a couple of minutes searching for his underwear, to Rey’s great amusement. It must be a sight for sore eyes; the Supreme leader in his birthday suit, crawling on the floor, trying to reach a pair of shorts that somehow managed to end up _under_ the bed, all while cursing in every language he knows, including shyriiwook.

“I want lunch,” she states, sounding like she’s a kriffing queen.

“I’m so late,” he mutters, while jumping into his underwear.

Kylo rushes over to his own quarters, and finds his comm blinking angrily with missed calls. He picks it up and presses a short commando.

“Yes, sir?” a droid answers.

“Send lunch to lady Rey. Make it Nabooian.”

✨

Vicrul accompanies Rey to the medbay. 

“Where’s Trudgen?”

“He’s busy.”

“Did he get in trouble?”

“Yes.” 

Vicrul isn’t as talkative as Trudgen, which makes the walk a bit awkward. Rey tries to start a conversation a few times, but it falls flat every time.

“Lady Ren,” the doctor gives her a quick bow of his head.

“I’m just Rey,” Rey mutters. The doctor is apparently watching the HoloNet, like everyone else.

“I’ll wait here,” Vicrul murmurs.

He sits down in the small waiting area, that’s only separated from the examination area by a grey curtain hanging from the ceiling. 

The doctor makes Rey stand on one leg at the time, follow a light with her eyes, point at her nose, and he checks her blood pressure, oxygen levels, and draws a massive amount of blood. Then he moves on to the baby, measuring her bump, forcing her to pee in a cup for some reason, and finishes off by listening to the baby’s heartbeats, using a probe and headphones. 

“Can I listen?” Rey asks.

“No,” the doctor mutters.

“She most definitely can,” Vicrul states, still on the other side of the curtain.

The doctor looks horrified, but tries to hold his ground.

“It’s not according to protocol, sir.”

“It is now. Her word is as good as the Supreme leader’s and you’ll do as she asks.”

Rey doesn’t like the way the doctor visibly flinches when Kylo is mentioned, but she forgets all of her reservations when the doctor hands her the headphones. It’s a heart. It’s most definitely a heart. Her child’s heart. 

“Oh, Force…” she gasps.

She could listen to the sound all day, if they would’ve let her. 

“It’s beating so fast… is that normal?”

“Yes. A fetus’s heart usually beats approximately 140 beats per standard minute.”

“Right… and that whooshing-sound, what’s that?”

“That would be your circulatory system.”

“It must be so loud in there…”

“Yes, and the baby can hear now.”

“Really? She can hear me?”

“Yes.”

The doctor pulls the headphones back without a warning, and starts to flip through her chart.

“You’re a healthy young woman carrying a healthy child,” the doctor concludes.

“Can I train?”

“You can, but within reason.”

The doctor follows her back to her assigned nanny.

“The Supreme leader expects your report within the day,” Vicrul says.

“Of course,” the doctor bows his head again.

“Thank you,” Rey smiles, but the doctor is already scurrying away.

✨

The day is a complete disaster. Hux is on the verge of tears in frustration when Kylo slips into the meeting room where his intelligence team is waiting for him. Too bad he’s twice the size as a normal person, meaning there’s no use in trying to sneak in. 

“Where have you been?!” Hux spits out.

“Remember who you’re talking to, General,” Kylo grunts, “what’s on today’s agenda?”

“Your… whatever she is, Supreme leader,” Hux sounds disapproving.

“She’s not to be discussed, and you know it.”

“Forgive me, Supreme leader,” his director of the Department of Intelligence cuts in, “but I think we must. There’s rumors stirring concerning her… background, and they may not have reached our allies yet, but it’s only a matter of time.”

“Why does it matter?” Kylo sighs, even though he already suspects the answer.

“The Resistance hasn’t been just our pain in the ass,” Hux looks like he wants to throw up, “during the last couple of years they’ve tried, and in some cases succeeded, to free slaves. Of course only to force them to fight for _them_ , why else would they bother? The Hutts, and the other cartels, wouldn’t appreciate us approving on such behavior. A relationship between the Supreme leader and a rebel of the Resistance would suggest you’re sharing her beliefs, which would make our already frail alliance with the cartels even more unstable. And if we lose control over the cartels...”

“Yes, yes, I get it. But what am I supposed to do about it?”

“Give them a show, Supreme leader,” the Director suggests, “dazzle the galaxy into oblivion.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I do love the idea of Ben being all Ben about everything outside of bed, and all Kylo Ren in it 😇


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was today years old when I found the statistics-tab and realized there’s a difference between subscriptions and bookmarks, and that there’s almost 200 of you who actually asked for notifications when I update? That’s insane. Thank you for validating this poor validation junkie, it truly warms my heart!

Rey has been talked into tagging along to a dinner with Kylo and his knights. She hasn’t ever been to a _dinner_ -dinner, but she has a feeling eating with Kylo and his dark wielders might not be as formal as the ones where Kylo dines with, say kings, or even with his generals. Turns out she’s right. Kylo’s private dining room is located in the same corridor as their quarters, and his study, and the room is already incredibly noisy when Rey and Kylo walk in.

“Master,” Ap’lek and Vicrul immediately greets Kylo.

The rest of the knights bow their heads and murmur their greetings a few seconds later, but they don’t manage to do it with the same somberness as the first two. Six pairs of eyes turn to Rey, then back at Kylo, then to Rey.

“They’re wondering how to address you,” Kylo mutters.

“Oh, yes, well, I’m just Rey, aren’t I?”

“You’ll address her as Rey, for the time being,” Kylo tells his knights.

For the time being? That can’t be good. They take their seats and the discussion bursts back to life. There’s enough food to feed an army, and Rey digs in, happy to see the knights haven't got much table manners either.

“I was just telling the others,” Kuruk half-shouts over the table, “what a _woman_ your mother is, master!”

The look on Kylo’s face makes Rey snort water through her nostrils. He’s looking positively lethal, but nobody in the room seems bothered by it, and Rey wonders if teasing him is a reoccurring thing.

“Tell me,” Kylo growls, “you did _not_ make a move on my fucking _mother,_ Kuruk.”

“I most certainly did!” Kuruk smirks, and is rewarded by an eruption of laughter from the others, Rey included.

“ _Kuruk_ …”

“Sadly,” Kuruk sniffles, “she told me it wasn’t possible. She said it could never work, with us being on two different sides of this war.”

“Don’t lose hope,” Trudgen says, a bit muffled by the food still in his mouth, and with his fork waving in Rey and Kylo’s direction, “it seems to be working for these two.”

” _Trudgen_ ,” Ap’lek steps in, “didn’t spending the day cleaning the archive thought you anything?”

“Only to knock!”

Kylo sighs, and returns his attention to the meat in front of him. Rey spots one of his ears peeking through those glorious locks of his, and it’s burning red. 

”I would argue,” Rey speaks up, “you got princess-ed, Kuruk. She turned you down gracefully, but believe me, if Leia Organa wanted something to work, it would. Obviously, she didn’t.”

“Ouch!” Cardo exclaims, while shoving Kuruk’s shoulder.

The collective focus shifts to Kuruk, and the knights are soon busy dissecting his flaws, apparently there’s many, in order to figure out _why_ he wasn’t good enough for the General.

“Sorry about this,” Kylo mutters to Rey, “they’ve always been rowdy, but after Snoke’s death I completely lost control over them.”

“How come?”

“Well, I’m less prone to use torture as a learning experience, for one.”

“I found them _in bed_!” Trudgen calls out, again with the fork waving.

“But I might have to reconsider,” Kylo huffs.

✨

Kylo walks Rey back to their quarters, and they stop in the middle of the corridor, with the doors to their rooms on either side of them. They’ve not discussed, or even mentioned, or in any other way acknowledged the events of last night, and that tense awkwardness between them has returned. 

“So… how was the doctor’s?”

“You’ve read the report, I’m sure,” Rey teases.

“Well, naturally…”

“I heard her heartbeat,” Rey suddenly looks glossy eyed.

“Really?”

“Yes. And the doctor told me she can hear us now.”

Kylo swallows. Having _her_ on his ship is wild enough, but the thought of _her_ carrying his actual _child_ is completely unbelievable. He usually kind of never thinks about it, just to keep the little sanity he’s left, but that also means the reality hits so much harder, when he’s actually confronted with it. His child. With her.

“Ben..?”

“Yes, yeah, I just…”

He falls to his knees, and places his hands over Rey’s stomach. 

“Hey, little one, I…”

He doesn’t get any further than that, so he just rests his forehead against the bump, trying to pour whatever he has to offer over to their baby. Rey’s hand softly brushes through his hair. She can’t feel anything remotely close to what he’s feeling for _her,_ but for just this moment in time, he’ll pretend that she does. 

✨

Force, she never manages to hold it together when he’s like this. He’s all huge and scary with everyone else, and then he’ll kneel in front of _her_ , touching her like she’s holy, like the baby she’s carrying is the first, and last, child of the human race. She’s running her fingers through his hair, trying to not break down in a pitiful puddle of emotions, when the knights stumble out of the dining room door, further down the hall. Trudgen spots them. She can tell he’s taking a breath of air, no doubt preparing to stay something stupid, and there’s no kriffing way he’ll get to ruin whatever moment Kylo’s having. She stares him down, squints, and slides her index finger over her throat. The knight throws his hands up, before slamming his mask on. The other knights follow Trudgen’s example, and swiftly walks off. But their exit is still loud enough to break the spell over Kylo, and after a few more seconds he raises back up. Force, he’s tall… she can’t help herself, she tugs at his tunic and forces him to lean in. It’s so easy to forget he’s the boss over a massive war machine she’s dedicated herself to defeat, when his black lashes flutters shut, before his lips touches hers. Oh, it’s so very easy to forget all about it, when she loses her fingers in his hair, and he backs her up against the corridor wall. Honestly, it’s impossible to remember anything of importance when those hands of his palms every inch of her. She waves her hand, unlocking her door with the Force, and pushes him back a little bit.

“Do you know what else the doctor told me?”

“No?” His eyes are dark pools of ink.

“I’m allowed to train again.”

✨

“It was nice,” Rey tells him, _afterwards_ , “to eat with your knights.”

“Nice? They’re a bunch of idiots.”

“Yes, but you still sort of love them,” she grins.

“I do not,” Kylo scoffs. 

“But you do,” she turns somber, “it reminded me of…”

”The Resistance?”

“Well yes. Or more like… the people…”

It takes every ounce of his self discipline not to shout at her.

“They tried to kill you,” he growls. 

“Not all of them,” she objects. 

“Enough of them! I regret that I didn’t go myself and cleaned it up.”

“So that you could kill _them?_ How would that make anything better?!”

Kylo can’t believe her! How can she still have any sense of obligation to those dirty fucking idiots?! 

“Some even tried to intervene,” she mutters, “according to Trudgen.”

“Well, they didn’t intervene enough, did they? You would be dead, along with _her_ if it hadn’t been for my knights!” 

“You mean, if it hadn’t for your _mother_ and those who intervened? Your _boys_ weren't there straight away and you know it!”

He does know, he’s read the report many times, but that’s beside the point. 

“You can’t seriously have any warm feelings towards people who tried to kill your _child?_ ”

“I’m not having this discussion,” she snaps. 

“What the fuck is wrong—” he stops himself mid-sentence, but the damage is already done.

“What’s wrong? With me? I don’t know exactly, but it must be something serious, since I’m letting _you_ fuck me! Get out of my room!”

“Rey…” he mumbles.

The door whooshes open by a flicker of her hand, and she uses the Force to shove him out of bed. 

“Get. Out.”

✨

Kriffing idiot! He’s such a kriffing buffon! He’s got no idea what he’s talking about, she certainly doesn’t have any ‘warm feelings’ regarding those who beat her up, but… ever since Trudgen told her some of them had tried to intervene… she’s been wondering if it had been Finn? Or Rose? Or did they truly leave her? The look on their faces when they saw her with Kylo flashes in front of her eyes, and it feels like somebody shot her with a blaster bolt. She’s all alone, on a kriffing Star Cruiser, in the middle of nowhere, and it belongs to the _First Order_! His pretty eyes truly did lure her over to the dark side, and she hasn’t even noticed. Well, she sure is noticing now. 

✨

“How did she react to the plan?” Hux asks.

“Well… I haven’t really told her about it yet.”

A few of his council members can’t withhold their sighs and groans.

“And why not, Supreme leader?” Hux looks exhausted.

“We had an… disagreement a few days ago, and she won’t let me speak with her,” Kylo mumbles, highly aware of his burning ears.

“Then _fix it._ ”

Trudgen is always acting like a cocky show off whenever there’s witnesses, but when it’s just him and Kylo he’s a very muted version of himself.

“You wanted to see me, master?”

“Yes, have a seat,” Kylo gestures at the chair in front of his desk.

“In your report of the events on Ajan Kloss,” Kylo continues, “you mentioned there were rebels that tried to break it off?”

“Yes, master. The General used the Force to keep people off Rey, but there were a couple of others, and a lot of bystanders.”

Kylo doesn’t care for any of those dirty rebels, in his eyes they’re all equally responsible, and he would happily cut them all down, but Rey hasn’t opened her door for anyone in days, apart from the droids that bring her food.

“Do you happen to remember what they looked like? The ones that tried to help my mother?”

✨

”I’m done knocking, it doesn’t work anyway,” Trudgen declares as he marches into her quarters. 

“Kylo will kill you for this,” Rey states.

“No, he won’t. I’ll just tell him I’m your favorite and he’ll spare me.”

“Get out.”

“Seriously Rey, you can’t just sit here and sulk.”

Rey most certainly can. There’s nothing Trudgen can say that will change her mind.

“Kylo asked me about your friends.”

Well, except for _that_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I could draw I would’ve drawn that moment in the corridor, I’ve such a vivid image of it. You just got to take my word for it; it’s a stunning scene 😉


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I’m back. Sorry for the delay, we’re at my parents for a couple of days, squeezing out the last of winter break. Also, I might have fallen into the depths of Pinterest while trying to find inspiration (there’s references in the end notes). On Monday I’ll go back to work, so I probably won’t be able to keep my previous pace up, but who knows - I might procrastinate something else in order to write 😁
> 
> So this chapter may feel like a filler, but I need it to set the scene for future chapters. Cheers!

“You’ve had someone to put weights in the hem?”

Rey adjusts the hood over her head, waiting for the Night Buzzard to land back on Naboo. Kylo nods. He’s promised her to show her the house he’s arranged for her, but he’s also, without her knowing, asked his mother to try to reach out to those who Trudgen had described as some-what-loyal to Rey. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to arrange some kind of _reunion_ with them without bashing their faces into pieces, but that’s a problem he’ll save for later, they have to be found first. The atmosphere between him and Rey is strained, but at least she’d opened her door for him this morning, so perhaps she’s starting to come around. It’s ridiculous, the lengths he's willing to go for her… when the fuck did the master of the fucking knights of Ren turn this _soft_? Rey seems to have, at least momentarily, lost focus on her anger, thanks to the cloak. She buckles it at the front, just below her collarbones, and investigates how far down her face she can pull the hood, without losing too much of her vision. 

”I could arrange a mask for you,” Kylo teases.

“Oh, shut your face.”

“Landing in two minutes, buckle up,” Kuruk’s voice booms through the speakers. 

✨

”Ready?” Kylo asks her, before getting up on his feet.

Rey nods, and follows him. Trudgen and Cardo walk down the landing ramp first, and after them there’s Rey and Kylo, walking side by side, with Kuruk, Ap’lek, Vicrul and Ushar as their rearguard. Just like the last time she was at Naboo, Rey’s overwhelmed by shame - because she kind of _loves_ how powerful she feels in this company. She feels like she, together with Kylo and his knights, could take on an entire army, and make it out alive. It’s intoxicating, just to walk with them, and Kylo feels it too, she’s sure of it. His appearance is regal today, with his hair in a perfectly imperfect mess, and with a heavy cape that billows in the wind behind him. It’s unbearably frustrating that she still finds him kriffing _striking._ He places a gloved hand at the small of her back, just like he did that night on the Supremacy, and she hates how it feels like it’s supposed to be there. She peeks at his face, from under her hood, and he looks… proud? 

✨

Kylo notices the drone that’s hovering over their heads, but pretends that he doesn’t. They walk down to the water, and board the awaiting hovercraft. Kuruk volunteers to steer, not a huge surprise, and they travel over a small lake. She doesn’t say anything, but he can tell she’s dazed by the scenery. There’s few other places that can compare to the beauty of Naboo, and, since the planet has managed to stay out of any major conflicts since the fall of the Galactic Republic, it’s a relatively safe place to raise a family. Her family. He’s had an entire team of people house hunting, and they’ve spent the last two days preparing for her arrival. Fuck, is he _nervous_? Maybe he should’ve gone with that massive lake house instead? But no, she used to live in an AT-AT, too much space would probably freak her out, this will be fine… right? 

✨

The lake is surrounded by hills that rise out of the water as walls of cliffs and massive trees. The hovercraft seems to be heading for an area of white rocks, wrapped up in greenery. They come to a stop by a small wooden jetty, just beneath the cliffs. Kylo offers his hand to steady Rey when she’s about to get off the hovercraft, and she accepts it, even if she’s still a bit crossed with him, since she still hasn’t learned how to swim. 

“It’s shallow,” Kylo tells her, and points to the right, “over there there’s a trail to a small beach. There’s so many trees you can’t see it, but…”

Is he… nervous? Rey doesn’t really know what to expect, her experience of _houses_ is rather limited. She’s spent the last years on a rebel base, or on a ship. Well, there were a couple of days at Luke’s too, but other than that, she hasn’t seen all too many houses where people actually live. Kylo walks half a step ahead of her, guiding her to the left off the jetty, up a stairway that’s been chopped out of the cliff itself. When they reach the top of it, and turn ever so slightly to the right, Rey drops her jaw. 

“This isn’t _a_ house!” 

It’s not. It’s a cluster of buildings, half embedded in the white stone, covered in some kind of vine packed with heavy, bright pink, flowers. Behind the buildings the white cliff raises again, but only a foot or two higher than the stone houses. 

“Well, I want you to have protection, if you choose to stay, and I can’t have them,” Kylo gestures vaguely in the direction of the jetty, where the knights linger, “sleeping on the ground for more than a couple of nights.”

Rey walks slowly over the small courtyard, and her heart is about to burst. She’s never seen anything like this place, it’s immensely beautiful, but not in an intimidating way, no, it’s like she’s been here before… The courtyard is a maze of stairs, leading up to different doors, ledges and plateaus, one with an overgrown kitchen garden. 

“You can’t be serious?”

“I am. For now, at least, I didn’t have much time…”

“And you wouldn’t mind me staying at your place?”

“My place?” Kylo looks perplexed, “no, Rey, if you want it, it’s _your_ place.”

“But I—”

“Look inside, before you make up your mind.”

He opens the first door to the left, it’s arched and as blue as the sky, and Rey follows him inside. There’s not a straight line to be seen, everything is softly rounded, with sloped walls that seamlessly merges with the ceiling. Kylo can’t stand at his full height, he’s forced to hunch down a little bit in order to walk around, a sight that makes her heart act annoyingly weird. It’s not a large house, there’s a small kitchen, a living area with a sofa, a dinner table, and a couple of steps leading up to a nook, that’s just big enough for a bed. While the sleeping area and the fresher is located at the far back, the living room stretches towards the lake, and another door leads them out of the living room onto a porch, overlooking the water and the surrounding forest.

“I can’t,” Rey mumbles.

“You don’t like it?” Kylo shoves his hair out of his face.

“It’s beautiful,” Rey breathes, “but I could never afford it.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Kylo mutters, “it’s already yours.” 

“I can’t let you _give_ me a kriffing house!”

“Yes, you _can_.”

“ _No_.”

She doesn’t need his charity. She’s more than capable of fending for herself, she’s been doing that since she was five years old. Kylo’s jaw clenches, and Rey knows him well enough to know that an outburst will follow that teeth grinding, but his bad temper won’t change her mind. Suddenly Ap’lek steps out on the porch, and he walks up to them without a sound, dropping a few credits at their feet.

“You dropped something, lady Rey,” he states.

“No, I did—”

“You dropped something,” the knight repeats firmly, and turns on his heel. 

Rey bends over, with a bit of a struggle, and rises back up with the credits in her hand. It takes her a moment, before she understands the point of Ap’lek’s charade.

“I would like to buy this house,” she grins, and counts the credits, “I offer you five credits for it.”

“Are you sure?” Kylo murmurs.

If she’s sure she would like to own the prettiest house she’s ever seen? 

“Yes.”

“Then I’ll accept your offer.”

Kylo turns his palm up, and Rey pours her newfound credits into it. 

“Thank the Force,” Ap’lek scoffs, somewhere in the distance.

✨

“These are the staff lodgings,” Kylo points to the many doors littered over the buildings that are not part of Rey’s house, “it’s just bedrooms with a fresher, and down there,” he points at another door, “is the kitchen they share.” 

”Staff?”

”I’m getting you a droid instead, so that I, the boys and any of your guests have somewhere to sleep.”

Watching Rey walk around the houses with awe written all over her face is enough to make Kylo feel… fuzzy, in a way he hasn’t felt since he was a boy named Ben Solo, who unexpectedly heard the Falcon break through the atmosphere. 

After a simple dinner out on the courtyard, the knights scatter off to pick their rooms. 

“Do you want to come in for a bit? We could watch HoloNet?”

They take their seats on Rey's sofa. Thank the Force, the house is so small that the coach has to be tiny as well, meaning they must sit close to each other. Kylo hasn’t touched her in _days_ and it’s about to kill him any second now. The news holo flickers to life.

“Good evening,” a female news anchor greets them, “it’s been a long gossip drought for the galaxy, we haven’t seen or heard anything from the Supreme leader since his visit to Ruwee, when he, as we all know, confirmed he’s married and quite possibly expecting a child.”

Rey scoffs, but doesn’t say anything.

“But, today a surveillance drone on Naboo caught our Supreme leader escorting a woman to a hovercraft. Take a look.”

“How can they be _everywhere_?!” Rey exclaims.

“I don’t know,” Kylo answers, even though he, in this case, actually does know.

✨ 

Rey watches as the landing ramp of Night Buzzard folds down, and the knights start to descend. She and Kylo follow with the rest of the knights, and Force, it’s an impressive shot. The drone circles them, capturing the group of dark clad people, along with the magnificent scenery of Naboo. The weighted hem of Rey’s cloak seems to have done the trick, because you can’t tell it’s her.

“They make a powerful impression, the Supreme leader and his mysterious wife, and tonight we dare to confirm that she _is_ indeed with child. Her cloak may conceal her face, but that’s a baby bump, if I ever saw one. It’s still small, but not for very long. And ladies, look at this!”

The holo shows Kylo placing his hand at Rey’s lower back, and keeping it there. 

“We look good,” Rey mumbles, not really aware of what she’s saying. 

“Who wouldn’t want their man to show such protective devotion? Whoever she is, she’s one lucky lady! The couple boarded the hovercraft, with their knights, and took off. It isn’t known where they were heading, but hopefully we’ll see more of these two sooner rather than later.”

The news shifts focus to an accident at a spaceport on Coruscant, and Rey turns to Kylo.

“Do you think they’ll find the house?” 

“No.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“They won’t.”

Rey squints at him, but she decides to let it go.

“I really like the house,” she says, trying to keep her voice steady.

✨

“Good,” Kylo nods.

He glances at her, and she’s still watching the news holo, but with unseeing eyes.

“Are you ok?” he murmurs.

“Yes, I’m fine,” she whispers, “It’s just… I never had a proper home… but she’ll grow up _here…_ with me.”

Kylo has never been a man of many words, so he doesn’t say anything, he just pulls her into her arms, and sighs in relief when she lets him.

“I need to get back to the Finalizer tomorrow,” he mumbles into her hair, “but you can stay awhile, if you want.”

“Will you stay with me? Tonight?”

Yes, yes, yes, he most definitely will.

“Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While the scenes of Naboo obviously were shot in Italy, I looked to Greece for inspiration for Rey’s new house. I feel like she would prefer something small, natural and cozy, rather than grand, artificial and lavish. The cave homes of Santorini have an otherworldly feel to them that I love, while also giving a nod to the architecture of Tatooine (aka Morocco/Tunisia). 
> 
> Here’s some pictures I used as references:  
> [Exterior.](https://pin.it/b2r3TNi)
> 
> [Exterior.](https://pin.it/4D4yNSM)
> 
> [Exterior.](https://pin.it/2S2dgV5)
> 
> [Interior.](https://pin.it/7cqtZ3s)
> 
> [Interior.](https://pin.it/1kX7vJy)


	21. Chapter 21

”Tell me again,” Rey demands, when he’s moments from falling apart, “who gets to see you like this?”

Kylo scoffs, but obliges, with his mouth next to her ear;

“Just you.”

“That’s,” she gasps, “right.”

Force, she shouldn’t encourage him, but, kriff, she wants to be the only one that’s allowed to witness the Supreme leader unravel, the only one who can make him _plead_. Kylo gives as good as he gets, and stops moving, in a mirror of their first nightly encounter. 

“And scavenger,” he rumbles, still in her ear, he’s undoubtedly figured out what _that_ does to her, “who gets to see _you_ like this?”

“Just move…”

“No, no, tell me.”

“No,” she whines.

“I’ve a guess… I,” he shifts, but only an inch, to her great frustration, “think,” another inch, “it’s just,” he’ll make her lose her mind, “me.”

“Yes,” she breathes.

”It’s a privilege,” the vibrations of his voice travel through every nerve in her body.

“Kriff!”

✨

”I have to go now,” he mutters.

“Aren’t you the Supreme leader?” she objects, burrowing her face in the crook of his neck.

“You can’t use that argument in every conversation we have.”

“Watch me.”

“Anyways,” he sighs, “are you staying here, or do you want to travel back to the Finalizer?”

“I’ll stay, if that’s ok?”

“It’s your house. I’ll leave the boys.”

“You can’t leave all of them. Who’s going to look after you?”

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

Ah, fuck, he knew it was the wrong thing to say when he said it.

“But _I_ do?!”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’ve a ship full of troopers, you can’t expect me to leave you unprotected?”

“And you think every trooper is loyal to you?”

“Of course.”

“I’m sure Snoke trusted you as well,” Rey huffs, and untangles herself from his embrace, “if I’m to have babysitters, you are too.”

“ _Fine_ , I’ll bring Ap’lek back with me.”

“Three of them will stay with me, and three follow you back.”

“I’ll take Ap’lek and Ushar, and leave the rest here. That’s final.”

“ _Fine_.”

✨ 

“Welcome back, sir,” Hux tells him, as he enters the meeting room.

The contrast of the soft warmth of Naboo, and the harshness of being onboard a First Order Star Cruiser is disorienting. Kylo nods stiffly to Hux, and the other members of his council, and takes his seat. Ap’lek sits next to him, no doubt a bit crossed about not being ordered to stay on Naboo, or ‘the resort’, as Trudgen calls it. 

“The last outing with your… _girl_ , seems to have resonated well. Our sources confirm that a majority of the data shared among the public, concerning her or your relationship with her, is on an either neutral or positive note.”

“Good.”

“So, she agreed to the plan in the end?”

Ap’lek, who never says anything during any of Kylo’s meetings, coughs under his mask.

“You do realize it’s of the utmost importance that the public connects her to you, so that they’ll buy into the whole enemies-to-lovers story, if the rumors continue to flourish, or worse, gets confirmed?” 

“I know, I know.”

“I’d still prefer the idea of you cutting your ties to her,” Hux declares, and earns quite a few nodding heads among the other council members.

“And I still don’t care,” Kylo hisses, “what’s next?”

  
  


✨

The first couple of days pass in a haze. It turns out Cardo is a half decent cook, and Rey eats dinner with the knights every night. She spends the days exploring every little corner of her new house, and it’s surroundings, finding new little details wherever she goes. Rey trains with the knights, but there’s no sparring, the boys claim they would rather throw themselves off the cliff than risk hurting her. Rey strongly suspects Kylo has threatened to throw them off the cliff himself, if they participate in any hand-to-hand combat with her, so she accepts their refusals, and sticks to practicing the saber forms, meditation and endurance training. The Force doesn’t connect her and Kylo, and on the fifth day it’s really starting to unnerve her, not knowing where he is or what he’s doing.

“You could comm him,” Trudgen says, and sits down on her porch, uninvited of course.

“I’m not some pining idiot.”

Trudgen laughs out loud, and Rey can’t help but to think he’s a decent looking young man, especially when he laughs. He has short buzzed hair, hazel eyes and, since he stopped shaving since their arrival to Naboo, a stubble beard. He actually looks like a rather kind person. Rey once again wonders why anyone would spend their life under a mask.

“How long have you been a knight?” she asks.

“Five standard years, I think.”

“And why do you do it?”

“Is this some kind of interrogation?”

“Come on!”

“Well, there’s not a whole lot of options for a force-sensitive these days, is it? The Jedi temple burned long before I found my connection to the Force, not that I knew it had ever been a temple. I didn’t even know what the Force was, I just got into _so_ much trouble in my squadron—”

“Squadron? You were a…?”

“Trooper, yes. Or I was supposed to be, but Hux complained about my recurring unintentional Force usage, so Kylo took me in instead.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He was different then, and he just kept growing darker, like crazy dark sometimes, but he gave me things I never had, so I stuck around.”

“What things?”

“Freedom. Power. Knowledge. A place where I wasn’t the freak.”

Rey watches Trudgen, as he stares into nothing. 

“Wow, Trudgen, that’s some deep shit,” she teases, while nudging his foot with hers.

Trudgen shrugs, and chuckles.

“Since he met you, and ended Snoke, it’s been a whole different job,” he grins, “before I had to follow him to the most obscure places to find ancient Jedi crap, and look at me now,” he gestures at the view, “babysitting in paradise.”

“I’m glad I could help,” Rey smiles back, “I just don’t get…”

“Get what?”

“How he can be so… _sweet_ to me, but still think it’s okay to steal children and brainwash them into soldiers…”

“Well, he doesn’t,” Trudgen opens a bag of his beloved dried insects and starts to munch away, “he cancelled that recruiting program ages ago.”

“What? He hasn’t told me.”

“Honestly, when would he? All you do is fight and fuck.”

“It’s not!”

“Sometimes both at the same time.”

“Shut up!”

“You know it’s true.”

✨

One standard week without any contact with her makes Kylo an even more unpleasant person than he usually is, and he’s never been a joy to be around. He cuts his meetings short, destroys every training droid beyond salvaging, barks at troopers for existing and gets into verbal fights whenever he’s forced to be in the same room as Hux. The man is unbearably stubborn, and won’t stop nagging Kylo about breaking up with Rey. Not that they are together, even though the galaxy sure thinks so, and that’s another source of frustration, the HoloNet’s constant prattle about him, his relationship and his unborn child. He’s in the middle of dinner when his comm buzzes:

“Yes?”

“Hi, son,” Leia greets him.

“Any news?” Kylo sounds grumpy, even to himself.

“You’re in a _mood_ ,” his mother mutters, “but yes. I’ve manage to contact a few of her friends, and they are terribly upset—”

“They left her to _die_.”

“I know, but they did try to help me, when they came to their senses.”

“Fucking idiots, I should track them down and break every bone in their bodies, one at the time—”

“Really? Get a grip, Ben. Are we doing this or not?”

“I guess we are.”

✨

“Comm for you,” Vicrul hands his comm over, “I don’t get why you have to use mine…”

“Hello?”

“Hi, it’s me,” Kylo’s voice travels through thousands of lightyears, but it still manages to make her feel… whatever this feeling is.

“Hi.”

“Well,” Kylo sighs, “do you want to meet… some of your old friends,” Kylo’s voice sounds strangled, “the ones that tried to help Leia?”

“Yes.”

“Yes? You don’t want to think about it?”

“Trudgen told me you were looking for them before we came to Naboo, so I’ve already done my thinking.”

“That fucking idiot…”

“Don’t be mad at him. Will you be here?”

“If you want them dead, then I most certainly will be. If you don’t want them dead, I think I better stay away for a while longer.”

“I don’t want them dead. I think.”

“Well then, I’ll have Leia comm Kuruk in order to arrange transports and what not. Could I speak to Vicrul again?”

Rey hands the comm over, but lingers in order to hear the rest of the conversation.

“If they as much as touch a hair on her, they’re dead,” Kylo states, with steel in his voice, “am I making myself clear?”

“Of course, sir.”

And with that, the conversation is over. Rey’s vague fantasies of meeting her friends again will soon become a reality. Dread takes over her entire being, what is she supposed to _say_ to them? ‘Hi, long time, no see’?

Oh, kriff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this, thinking I would finish it within 20 chapters. Then I pushed it to 30, and now I just keep on making up new things I want to squeeze in so I would say we’ll probably land around 35 chapters. The thought of pulling that off gives me extreme performance anxiety, but I’ll try to keep on writing anyways, and hopefully you’ll keep on reading 😅


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all of your support, you’re the best ❤️

”The Hutts’ reached out,” Hux tells the Intelligence team, “the Resistance has made another hit, stealing at least a hundred assets.”

Stealing assets, or freeing slaves, it’s a matter of perspective. Kylo sighs, he hates to be reminded of the fact that he’s not in control of _everything_. He absolutely loathes the crime families, and would happily declare them as enemies to the galaxy, but his Supreme Council has begged him not to. It would dislodge the economic balance, or whatever. 

“They want us to provide them with the location of the Rebel base.”

“Why should we,” Kylo grunts.

“ _Because_ we don’t want to rub them the wrong way. May I remind you, that the Hutts' have a considerable amount of star cruisers, unlike the Resistance, and their pitiful fleet of x-wings.”

“Tell them their last known location is Ajan Kloss.”

“But we know they aren’t there anymore,” Jandi objects.

“Yes, but the Hutts’ don’t know that we know that.”

“Supreme leader, I beg you to see reason,” Hux groans, “it would be most unwise to turn on the Hutts’, especially now, with your current… association.”

“I hate to repeat myself,” Kylo murmurs.

“I must agree with General Hux,” the director of the Department of Intelligence, Jan Salleo, raises his voice, “giving the Hutts’ anything but what they want is a dangerous move, considering the rumors surrounding your… the mother of your child.”

“Do it.”

“If they find out, they’ll see it as yet another testimony of you supporting the rebels,” Hux snarls.

“For fuck’s sake, Hux, make sure they _don’t_ find out then! I want as little to do with them as possible, and you know that.”

“Very well, sir, but I _strongly_ advise you to hurry up with introducing your so-called _wife_ to the galaxy, and make sure she’s prepared to disown her terrorist past. On air. If she doesn’t, and her connections are made public… it won’t sit well with the—”

“Cartels, yes, thank you, I _know_.”

“It’s not just the cartels, it wouldn’t be appreciated by any of our allies.” 

“Yes, I know that too.”

”I’m still stressing the strategic advantages of ending things with her,” Hux declares, even though he must be well aware of what kind of response he’ll receive.

“This is the last time I’ll repeat myself,” Kylo states, “the Jedi girl is **mine** , and I’ll have each and everyone of you demoted to sanitary if you keep on running your _fucking_ mouths about her.”

Kylo can’t stand this bullshit anymore, and jumps out of his chair. He stalks out of the room without another word, with Ushar trailing behind like a short but massive shadow. Fuck all of them! What’s the fucking point of being the Supreme leader if he still has to play by the rules of criminals? And did he just tell them Rey was _his_? Force, she would be furious if she knew. She would tell him she’s nobody’s, and while that’s true, he still wishes that he _could_ claim her, in every way possible. 

✨

“Supreme leader,” she snickers, as he’s suddenly in her living room.

He looks up from whatever-dark-lord-activity he’s currently occupying himself with. Ah, he’s still kriffing gorgeous! It’s been ten days since they last saw each other, and she hates how much she’s missed him. 

“Scavenger,” he quickly gets up.

Rey rounds the table, and he grabs her hand, pulling her closer. She’s mesmerized by all that is him, the voice, the hair, the hands, every birthmark on his face, the sheer _size_ of him, but above else it’s the way he makes her feel. He makes her feel like she’s… she never manages to finish the thought because he slips a hand behind her neck, and a second later his lips meet hers. It’s soft and hesitant at first, as if he’s asking for permission, but it intensifies when she wraps her arms around his neck, and he soon has her gasping for air. He pulls back, as out of breath as she is.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

He takes a step back, and looks at her.

“You’ve gotten bigger,” he grins.

“It’s all your fault.”

He runs a hand over her bump.

“It sure is,” he mumbles, more to himself than to her.

“How are you?” Rey asks, like a normal person probably would.

“I’m fine. I’m just trying to sort something out…”

“Do you need help?”

“Actually, I do.”

✨

Here it goes. She’ll not like this.

“Our… connection is stirring up rumors.”

“Yeah, we’re the galaxy’s favorite pastime.”

“Exactly. And I wouldn’t mind the gossip surrounding my beautiful “wife” if it wasn’t for the _other_ rumor that's also floating around.”

“And that is..?”

“That you’re a Resistance fighter.”

“But I _am_.”

This is going south even faster than he expected. She already looks pissed off.

“I know you are. And that’s the problem, the rumors are true, and since I’m the leader of the Order it would send out mixed signals, if I’m married to a rebel, I mean.”

“But we’re not married. And even if we were, I don’t get why that would matter to _you._ ”

“We have… business partners that strongly disagree with the ways of the Resistance, meaning they might try to break away if they figure out the truth.”

Rey contemplates this for a few seconds.

“You told me I could help. With what?”

“If the story breaks, it would be preferable if you’re strongly associated with me, that you have, at least seemingly, switched sides. Ideally you would go on air, and disown your old beliefs.”

“Force, Ben, you know there’s no way that’ll happen,” Rey glares at him.

“I know. Could you consider being seen with me, cloaked of course, just to feed the media a bit?”

Rey chews her pretty little lip, and _why_ is he talking _politics_ instead of kissing her? 

“I guess that happens whenever I’m going anywhere with you… but I’m not going on air!”

“Are you serious? Force, that’s—”

“Will you shut up and kiss me now?”

And he does, eagerly. She’s melts into him, and fuck, he wants her so bad. He lifts her up on the table top, without breaking the kiss. It’s a kriffing miracle that she lets him do this, he knows that, she’ll see reason soon enough, he’s to make the most of it while he can. She lifts her arms up as he yanks her tunic over her head, and then she’s gone. He stands alone in his study, leaning over the desk where she just sat, with the garment still in hand, and a _frustration_ larger than ever. 

✨

“Force, help me, was he just here?” Trudgen waltzes into her house before she’s had the time to find a new top.

“FUCK OFF TRUDGEN!”

“Easy! I’m just here to tell you Kuruk left to go and pick up his imaginary girlfriend and the others. They should be here within two hours.”

“Great, now get out!”

What does one wear when they’re meeting their former friends who the one betrayed, and when meeting the friends who left the one to be beaten up by a mob of furious people? Kylo’s had someone to fill up a dresser full of clothes, in Nabooian style, with sheer fabrics, embroidery and a worrisome amount of velvet. There’s also a healthy amount of black pieces, and Rey freezes in front of her many options. She’s never had enough clothes to even _have_ options before. Kriff! She needs help. 

“Trudgen!” she sticks her head out of the front door, “get in here!”

“You just told me to get out,” he smirks, while skipping down the steps from his room. 

“I don’t know what to wear.”

“What are you channeling?”

“I don’t know…”

“I would go for pregnant warrior princess.”

“Well, the floor is yours.”

Rey ends up in a black tunic, with a thin belt in brown leather to ‘accentuate her bump’ (according to Trudgen). Tiny golden threads are woven into the tunic’s fabric, giving the garment a ‘royal touch while still emphasizing her deadliness’. She wears standard black leggings, and her saber is attached to her thigh holster, as it always is. Trudgen insisted on her wearing leather arm guards instead of her usual wraps since the brown leather ones ‘bind the look together’. The arm guards cover her arms from her hands to her elbows, and they are decorated with intricate carvings. Rey thinks they might be the prettiest pieces of clothing she’s ever seen, but Trudgen argues that they aren’t even clothes. He also tries to force her into wearing a cape but there’s limits to her dramatics, she’s _not_ a Skywalker, after all, so she stubbornly refuses. 

“I can’t help you with the hair though,” Trudgen sighs, “Kylo should’ve been here.”

“Kylo?”

“He can braid hair.”

“WHAT?!”

“His mother _is_ alderaani, you know.”

“I know! But how do you know he can braid?”

“He used to have braided hair all the time, underneath his mask, to keep it from falling into his face during battles.”

“Are you telling me _Kylo Ren_ had braids in his hair while slaughtering people?”

“Yes.”

Rey bursts into laughter, picturing Kylo preparing for battle by braiding his hair meticulously, just as finicky as he’s with everything else. When she’s gotten a hold of herself again, she fixes her hair into her standard three buns and she’s ready. They should be here any minute now. 

She’s walking out to the courtyard when Vicrul’s comm crackles.

“We’re coming up now,” Kuruk tells him, “gear up.”

“What does he mean, ‘gear up’?” Rey asks.

She gets her answer when the knights slam their masks over their heads, and grabs every weapon they can find. Kylo is such a kriffing overprotective jackass. But she doesn’t object, these people are sort of _her_ people now, and she doesn’t know how this reunion is going to play out. There’s footsteps coming up the beach stairway now, and Rey glances nervously at Trudgen, who gives her a nod and stands up straighter. Rey nods, takes a deep breath and straightens her back as well. She places one hand over her bump, and pretends she’s Leia, fearless and confident, no matter the circumstances. 

And then she sees them. Finn and Rose turn the corner of the stairway, followed by Kuruk and Leia. Oh, Force, help her.

“Rey…” Rose gasps.

She can’t move. She stays put, surrounded by _the boys_ , and holds her breath. 

“Just give us the word, miss,” Vicrul whispers, as much as you can whisper through a voice modulator, “and we’ll finish them for you.”

Rey whispers back:

“Thank you.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hux is trying to pull a "furthermore, I am of the opinion that Carthage should be destroyed"-sort of thing.
> 
> Kylo Ren in braids is obviously inspired by Adam Driver in braids during shooting TFA, because that was some adorable shit. Trudgen had a mini makeover of Rey in my last fic too, and I love to think of him as a fashion forward lad who ended up in bad company.


	23. Chapter 23

Finn and Rey come to a halt a few feet from Rey, and they seem to be unable to speak as well. Rey's chest feels like it’s on the verge of exploding, and she’s struggling to breathe. Rose looks like she always does, albeit solemn, but Finn looks nothing short of _haunted_. Rey pushes down an instinct to hug him, she refuses to be the one that makes the first move. The seconds drag on and Leia joins the group of frozen people.

“Well, here we are,” she says, and marches all the way up to Rey, “come here, child.”

Leia folds Rey into her arms, and Rey _swore_ she wouldn’t cry but she sure is crying. Finn tries to reach out too, a bit awkwardly, but almost gets his hands chopped up by Vicrul’s scythe.

“Force, Vicrul, take it easy,” Rey scolds him, while drying her eyes.

“Yes, miss,” he retreats.

“You can all stand down.” 

“Sorry, miss, the boss’s orders,” Cardo objects.

“Well, your _boss_ isn’t here, is he?” Rey hisses, “but I can kick all of your asses, so back off, will you?” 

They fall back, and lean themselves against the closest wall. Leia lets her go, and gestures at the other two rebels.

“Kriff, Rey,” Finn mumbles, “I don’t know what to say.”

“I’m so sorry!” Rose exclaims, taking half a step closer to Rey. 

Rey tries to stop crying, but it’s no use. She hides her face in her hands, every sob tears through her, and it feels like she’s breaking. Finn and Rose step even closer, and suddenly she’s emerged in armes, and bodies, and hands that stroke her hair and they’re crying too, aren’t they?

“I’m so, so, so sorry, peanut,” Finn whispers.

“I missed you,” Rose sobs into her hair, “we messed up.”

“You,” Rey cries so hard she can barely speak, “you _left_ me.”

✨

The ceasefire Kylo and Hux silently agreed on after Snoke’s death seems to be wavering. Hux might have stopped talking about Rey during every meeting, but he’s instead switched to shower Kylo with suggestions on where to take his ‘young bride’ on their next outing. 

“It must be soon,” Hux states, “and when are you having her on air?”

“It’s ridiculous, Hux, who _cares_ who I’m sleeping with? Can’t we just blow the Hutts’ into smithereens?”

“No, we can’t. We need them to secure our hold over the Outer Rim, you know this.”

“Fuck the Outer Rim…” Kylo mutters. 

Hux jaw flexes, and his cheeks turn bright pink.

“Supreme leader, I must, once again, urge you to focus on your duty as the leader of this galaxy.”

“That would be all, Hux.”

Kylo waves the door open, and glares at Hux until he leaves the office. He knows he’s a terrible leader at the moment, but he hasn’t seen Rey in _so_ long, and her visit through the Force didn’t help him focus. He’s a bit worried about her so-called friends’ visit, what if they try to finish what they started? But she has the Force, a saber and four knights equipped with every thinkable weapon there is, so she _should_ be fine. Physically, at least. Fuck, they should bleed for what they did to her.

✨

The initial relief of being submerged in warm bodies gradually wears off, and Rey grows stiff. 

“Let go of me,” her voice breaks, but she’s no longer crying.

They instantly do and backs away from her. 

“You should’ve told us,” Finn sniffles. 

Maybe she should have, but the implication that she somehow was responsible for them leaving her feels like lacing barbed wire around her heart.

“Are you kidding me?” Rey scoffs, “told you what? ‘I fucked _Kylo Ren_ through a weird Force-thing and got pregnant’?!”

Leia coughs in the background. Rose furrows her brows.

“It would’ve been a start,” Finn mutters.

“You didn’t just fuck him,” Rose argues, unbothered by Leia, who clears her throat, “he’s your boyfriend. Maybe we thought you wouldn’t pick the _Supreme leader_ over _us_!”

“He’s _not_ my boyfriend! And I didn’t pick him over you!”

“It sure looks like it!” Rose shoots back, and gestures at the knights. 

“I can’t believe you! I didn’t choose to move, I was forced!” Rey shouts, losing it completely, “At least _they_ wouldn’t leave me!”

“Hey, hey, easy now,” Leia steps in, “I think we all need to calm down a bit. Kuruk, dear, do we have any liquor around here?”

“Certainly, ma’am.”

✨

Kylo spins around, and there she is, standing in his study.

“Scavenger.”

“ _Supreme leader_ ,” she mutters.

“How’s it going?”

“Not great,” Rey wiggles a bottle in front of her, “Leia ordered a time-out.”

That would be his mother, solving domestic issues by having a drink. She and Han used to do it all the time, and it either ended with them embarrassing Kylo by getting all touchy-feely, or with Han storming out, not returning for days. 

“Is that wise?” 

“I’m pregnant, laserbrain. I’m drinking kriffing juice.”

“Right.” 

“But the others are helping Kuruk with his whiskey.”

“The boys aren’t drinking?” a nerve under his eye starts to twitch.

“Of course they’re drinking, why wouldn’t they?”

“Because they’re fucking _working!_ ” Kylo growls.

“Please, I told them they could stand down.”

”I’m trying to keep you safe, but you’re not helping. At all.”

“I’m capable of keeping myself safe!”

“Really? Then how the fuck did you end up in a bacta tank?” 

That was undoubtedly the _worst_ thing to say to her. She doesn’t argue back, she just stares daggers at him, and then the connection breaks, as if she cut it herself.

✨

“Fuck!” Rey exclaims to her empty living room.

How is it possible for a human being to be so utterly idiotic?!? Rey storms back out to the courtyard, where there’s some heavy drinking going on, under complete silence. The knights have shed their masks, on her order, and they are definitely looking more relaxed than Finn and Rose, who seems to be regretting their decision to come and visit. Before she’s had the time to say anything, not that she knows what she was going to say, Kylo’s voice barks through Vicrul’s wrist comm:

“Vicrul! Are you _drinking_?!”

“No…”

“You fucking are! I knew I should’ve left Ap’lek in charge!”

“She told us to stand down, master.”

“ _I_ told you not to!”

“You told us her word is as good as yours,” Vicrul objects, no doubt more confident with Kylo on the other end of the galaxy.

Kylo falls silent for a moment.

“I did. But did she order you to _drink_?”

“No.”

“I’m coming over, you and Ap’lek are—” Kylo never finishes the sentence, because Rey throws herself at Vicrul’s arm.

“You’re not going anywhere, _Ben_ ,” she growls into the comm.

“I sure am, _Rey_.”

”Remember your little speech on this being _my_ house? Well, you’re not invited!”

“Stop arguing.”

“Is this or is it not my house?!” Rey will burst an artery any second now.

“It is,” Kylo sighs.

“Then you’re not coming.”

She can practically hear him grind his teeth. 

“ _Fine_. But the boys aren’t allowed to drink.”

“ _Fine_.”

Rey releases Vicrul’s arm, and turns around. Finn, Rose and Leia are staring at her in complete disbelief. 

“He _is_ your boyfriend,” Rose gasps.

“Are you calling him _Ben_?” Leia whispers.

“ _Kylo Ren_ is worried about _you_?” Finn exclaims.

“Well, yes, and yes, and no, he’s _not_ my boyfriend,” Rey huffs.

“You just told the _Supreme leader_ off, and you’re still alive,” Rose snickers, no doubt starting to feel the whiskey, ”he’s _definitely_ your boyfriend.” 

“Let me tell you,” Trudgen enthusiastically breaks in, “they’re telling each other off _all the time_ , and when they’re not doing that they’re—”

“Trudgen!” Rey barks. 

Trudgen pretends to zip his mouth, while wiggling his eyebrows, luring another laugh out of Rose. 

“Should we eat?” Cardo jumps into the mix, trying to salvage the situation.

✨

”The Hutts’ found the base abandoned,” Hux sighs, “they’re still asking us to provide the location of the rebels.”

“We don’t know either,” Kylo shrugs.

“Maybe because I’m only allowed a search team of ten?” 

“They’re a handful of people, without a fleet, _why_ should we look for them?” 

“Does this have anything to do with the fact that _your mother_ is the chief of those dirty idiots?”

General Hux is the only one who knows Kylo’s ties to General Organa, a secret he’s been keeping since the days of Snoke. Kylo might have, due to his messed up personal life, failed to inform Hux that Leia is no longer part of the Resistance, but he can’t see why he has to know.

“No,” Kylo states, “she means nothing to me. We’re not going to waste resources on finding a dying terrorist organization, and that’s final.”

“The slaves they stole probably joined them.”

“And that makes them…what, 300 men strong? _I_ could manage that on my own, if I had to. But since our fleet carries _millions_ of troopers, I doubt the need for me to step in.”

Hux snorts, but doesn’t argue. He leaves Kylo alone in his study, and Kylo sighs. He would actually prefer taking on 300 men himself, than sitting on this kriffing Cruiser day after day, staring at tablets and papers until his eyes dry out. 

✨

Dinner had been… weird. Leia had managed to keep a resemblance of a conversation going, with the support of Kuruk and Trudgen, and Rose had been tipsy enough to giggle her way through the whole thing. Vicrul and Cardo kept silent, as they usually do, but Finn had looked just as out of place as Rey had felt. She’d excused herself early, and is now sitting on her porch, trying to figure out how she’s supposed to act around her friends. If they even are her friends anymore? It used to feel effortless to be around them, even if she’d always felt like the odd one, but now it’s like they’re complete strangers. Finn hesitantly turns around the corner of Rey’s house, and steps up on the porch.

“Can I sit with you?” he gestures at the empty deck chair.

“Of course.”

They sit next to each other for a couple of minutes, staring out over the lake and the surrounding forests, all of it bathing in a pink haze as the sun sets behind them.

“I really am sorry, Rey,” he mumbles, “it’s no excuse, I know, but I never would’ve thought you wouldn’t fight back.”

“You left, and that’s the whole thing, no matter if I fought or not,” Rey answers stiffly.

“I know… but it was a complete chock, we didn’t know how to react. I mean, it’s _Kylo Ren_ we’re talking about.”

“Yes.”

“Who could ever foresee you falling in love with our worst enemy?”

“I’m _not_ in love with him.”

“Yeah, right. Leia told me you’ve been in contact since Ahch-To? That’s over one and a half standard years ago, Rey! You never said anything, maybe we could have helped you, and fixed that Force-thing?”

“I didn’t see him until Life Day… after Crait I mean.”

“How did it even happen, the Force-thing?”

“I think it was when he interrogated me… he pushed into my mind and I pushed into his, and somehow we just got stuck with each other.”

Rey’s silent for a little while, before adding:

“But honestly, as soon as I saw him, I knew he was… important, in some way.”

“Is he good to you?”

“When he’s not an ass, I guess he is, in his own way. He gave me the house, and had the boys stationed on Ajon Kloss for weeks before they lifted me out. _He_ saw it coming, and tried to convince me to leave… but I refused.”

“I didn’t think he was capable of being kind to anyone,” Finn muses, “to me, he’s a baby stealing monster…”

“He shut that program down, before we even started to see each other again.”

“Really? That’s… uncharacteristic”

“You of all people should know the power of brainwashing. He had a complete freak show in his head for his entire life, telling him what to do.”

“I still didn’t shoot those people on Jakku.”

“Maybe ‘cause you managed to resist your training? What about the other troopers, did they shoot?”

“They followed orders, given by _Kylo Ren_.”

“Who followed orders, given by the _Supreme_ _leader_.”

“I can’t believe you're defending him,” Finn shakes his head.

“I’m not, I’m just telling you why he’s the way he is, and why the galaxy isn’t being completely ripped apart at the moment. _He_ doesn’t rule the way Snoke did. He actually _wants_ order, and peace.”

“Are you even listening to yourself?” Finn scoffs, “you sound like you agree with him.”

“Well, it’s better than war.”

“It’s oppression.”

“It wasn’t his political beliefs who got me into this mess,” Rey sighs. 

“What was it then?” Finn asks, sounding genuinely interested.

“I don’t know…”

Rey thinks back at their first meetings, how torn Kylo had been, shattered after the death of Han, not at all ghastly and cruel as she’d expected. He’d looked at her like she was the first other person he’d ever seen, and like he actually _saw_ her. All of her. _‘You’re not alone’_ flies through her mind. She believed him then, and she realizes she still does.

“He makes me feel like I... belong.”

Finn raises his brows.

“And you're telling me you’re _not_ in love with him?” he chuckles.

“I’m not.”

“Whatever you say, Rey, whatever you say.”

✨

Kylo wakes up in the middle of the night cycle, but he’s not alone in his bed. Rey lies draped over his back, with her nose buried in his neck. Her breathing tells him she’s not sleeping.

“I take it as you’ve forgiven me?”

“Shut up, Ren,” she mumbles, her lips brushing his skin, “I’m having a moment.”

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had such a hard time writing this, with all the people and all the talking and all the feelings and everything 😬 I hope you liked it, anyway!


	24. Chapter 24

They eat breakfast by a large wooden table in the middle of the courtyard. Cardo is still responsible for anything food-related, since they haven’t picked up the droid Kylo promised. Cardo doesn’t seem to mind though, he’s actually looking quite proud when he serves boiled eggs, homemade bread, a ridiculous amount of different cheeses, some kind of dried meat and, Rey’s favorite, a selection of different fruits. 

“We should have our own hens’,” Cardo declares, “we’re running out of eggs.”

“I’ve never seen a hen,” Rey furrows her brows, “are they big?”

“Like this,” Cardo gestures the size in the air.

“Are they dangerous?”

“Not at all.”

“Then I suppose we could have one or two.”

” _Really?!”_ Cardo grins.

“Sure.”

Rose and Finn exchange a look on the other side of the table, but don't say anything. 

✨

Kylo had stayed perfectly still while Rey _inhaled_ him last night, and now it’s impossible to think of anything else. Does she… _like_ him? Oh, fuck, he needs to keep it together, of course she feels _something_ for him, but he can’t delude himself into thinking she _likes_ him the same way he likes her, that would be emotional suicide on his part. 

“Supreme leader..?” a female voice calls out.

Right, right, he’s in a meeting. He can’t really remember what it’s about, to be honest.

“Could you repeat that last part?” he murmurs.

“Of course, sir, I was just wondering if you’re ready to leave for Faubuth? To sign the treaty?”

The annoying request of having the Supreme leader sign treaties in person has spread through the galaxy, since the king of Ruwee first insisted on it. Hux claims it’s excellent PR, an opportunity to show his dedication to restore peace and order. 

“Yes, I’m ready. When am I leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning, sir.”

“Thank you, Umma.”

✨

Rey shows Finn and Rose the small beach.

“I’ve to clear some trees…” she says sheepishly, waving vaguely at the greenery.

The sun hardly reaches the beach, due to the surrounding forest, but it’s still a beautiful place. They sit down on the sand, and that awkward silence falls over them once again.

“So… how’s the Resistance?” Rey asks after awhile.

“We wouldn’t know,” Rose answers, “we left a couple of days after you.”

“You did? Why?”

“It got weird, after they… did what they did. Some of them didn’t even feel like…”

“Like?”

“Like they’d done something wrong.”

“They didn’t think beating a pregnant woman to death was wrong?” Rey grows cold.

“They see you as a traitor, and a threat to the cause,” Finn fills in, “not that _we_ do.”

“Right,” Rey sighs, “the cause… what about Poe?”

Finn doesn’t answer, instead he’s using his feet to dig a hole in the sand. Rey’s always suspected there’s something more than just friendship between Finn and Poe, and maybe she’s right.

“He’s still there,” Rose says, “he obviously didn’t agree with what happened to you, but you know him, the rebellion is more important than everything else.”

“He sold Leia out,” Rey huffs.

“He felt betrayed,” Finn mutters, “he would’ve done _anything_ for that woman, she had his complete trust…”

“And she trusted him,” Rey objects.

“Not enough apparently,” Finn growls.

“Let me ask you something, Rey,” Rose raises her voice to drown Finn and Rey’s budding quarrel, “if we hadn’t found out the way we did… do you think you would’ve stayed with the Resistance?”

“Of course,” Rey answers.

“Really? You would’ve stopped seeing him?”

Rey trickles a fistful of sand through her fingers. Stop seeing Kylo? If Rose only knew how many times she tried to do just that, but every attempt had fallen flat, hadn’t they? 

“We would still have the bond, we can’t control that.”

“But if you _could_ , would you?”

Rey doesn’t answer, because she honestly doesn't know. She knows she _should_ say ‘yes’, but she just… can’t.

“It isn’t safe for you here,” Finn says abruptly, “come with us.”

“It is safe.”

“You seem to have swayed towards _them_ easily enough, just look at your clothes,” Rose remarks.

Rey’s wearing a sleeveless dark grey tunic, black arm guards, and black leggings. Not very Nabooian of course, but it’s close to what she’s always worn. Rey tries to keep her temper under control. 

“Maybe I like clothes that _aren’t_ white or kriffing beige?”

“You’re like one of them,” Rose stresses, “nothing like a Jedi.”

“I’ve no intention of ever being a Jedi,” Rey hisses, already losing the control over her temper.

“I thought becoming a Jedi was your goal?” Finn lifts his gaze from his hole.

“To be a real Jedi means you can’t ever love, and that’s a price I’m not willing to pay.”

“So you _are_ in love with him?” Finn squints at her.

What does being _in love_ even mean? She’s not going there.

“I love this child, and I loved you,” Rey’s voice falters at the end.

The weight of her words crashes down on all three of them, Finn returns to his hole-digging and Rose brushes stray hairs out of her face. Rey stares straight ahead, swallowing hard. 

“Loved,” Rose repeats slowly, “as in past tense?”

“I don’t know… it’s hard to see a way forward, don’t you think?”

“If you’re planning on staying _here_ and keep on having joint custody over _his_ minions and wearing _his_ clothes and being _his_ girlfriend,” Rose rambles, “then yes, I think it will be hard. Finn?”

Finn gets up on his feet, and brushes the sand off his pants.

“Very hard,” he states, “with time maybe, but not now.”

“Not now,” Rey echoes, and gets up too, “I’ll ask Kuruk to give you a ride back. Thank you for trying to save me, back then, and now.”

“You really are staying?” 

“Yes.”

✨

“Sir,” Vicrul’s voice pours out of Kylo’s wrist comm.

“Report.”

“Her guests left.”

“Organa too?”

“Yes, but she promised Kuruk that she’ll come back soon.”

Kylo snorts. His mother has always enjoyed toying with men, but he’s sure she’s not planning on replacing Han with a man half her age. Almost sure. At least 50 % sure. 

“And your… Rey, she wanted me to tell you you’re un-uninvited.”

“Really?”

“Really. And may I be so bold to suggest you give her a comm of her own?”

Kylo changes the frequency without answering Vicrul.

“Ready my ship,” he requests, and heads towards the hangar. 

✨

Rey doesn’t really know what she’d expected of meeting Finn and Rose again, but she’d hoped they would understand her situation. But they still consider her _child_ as a betrayal to the cause, a cause they’re not even a part of anymore. Rey sits on the porch, in her favorite chair, staring at the scenery, when Trudgen joins her. 

“So, it didn’t end well?” he asks.

“It didn’t end badly either. I couldn’t truly forgive them, and they couldn’t forgive me.”

“It’s a pity, I was planning on making a move on that Tico-girl.”

“You would never have a chance with her,” Rey snickers.

“And now we’ll never know…”

“She didn’t approve of any of you. Or me. She thinks I’m one of you now.”

“Aren’t you?” Trudgen smiles smugly.

“Am I?”

“A rogue force-user hanging out with Kylo? I say you are.”

“I’m not with the First Order.”

“Neither of us are.”

“Kylo is.”

“Is he really? Or is he staying just because the alternative is worse?”

“What alternative? Staying with his child? Would that be so bad?”

“Does he know that’s an option?”

“Fuck off, Trudgen,” Rey mutters. 

✨

He almost made it to the hangar, when Hux’s shrill voice cuts through the air.

“Supreme leader! What are you doing?!”

“I’m taking a trip to Naboo,” Kylo answers, without slowing down.

“But you’re to sign the treaty with Faubuth tomorrow!” 

“Reschedule it.”

“I already have! Twice!”

“Do it.”

“Forgive me, sir, but she’s twisting your priorities. Couldn’t your visit to _her_ wait instead?”

“It can’t. I’ll go straight to Faubuth after Naboo, tell them I’ll come in… two days.”

Kylo stalks through the hangar, straight to his Silencer. 

“Supreme leader! Think of how this will be perceived by—”

The ship’s hatch slams shut, and then there’s just the blissful silence of space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hux aren’t all wrong about Kylo’s priorities 🤷
> 
> Next time: heavy on the Reylo, easy on the plot.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get your toothbrushes out, people!

She hasn’t seen him in flesh in more than two weeks, and she can hardly contain herself. It’s embarrassing, really, to be this needy. She talked Kuruk into letting her come with him to the pick up, and now she’s sitting in the hovercraft, waiting to hear his Silencer cut through the atmosphere. It’s going to be hot today, and she’s kind of regretting her choice of clothing, but she can’t go out in the open without a cloak, in case the paparazzi drones are lurking nearby. 

“Do you think I've got a shot?” Kuruk asks her.

“A shot at what?” Rey’s so distracted that she’s forgotten the only thing Kuruk’s been talking about for the last couple of days.

“At _Organa?_ ”

“Force, Kuruk, she’s twice your age _and_ your master’s _mother_.”

“That wasn’t an answer to my question,” Kuruk pouts. 

“I think it kind of was,” Rey mutters under her breath, but she’s saved by the bell, or rather by the characteristic whine of a TIE Silencer, “he’s here.”

Rey jumps ashore, and climbs up the steep hill, up onto the small clearing where the Night Buzzard is parked. Kylo shoots past her, out over the lake, before making a _very_ sharp u-turn and going in for landing. He’s out on the ground in no time, and the way he walks towards her, with absolute determination, makes her heart bolt. She starts to move towards him as well, and soon she’s standing in front of him once again, but somehow it’s different this time.

✨

Kylo is dumbfounded by meeting her straight away. She’s been _waiting_. She seems to have lost her ability of making witty remarks, she’s just staring at him, and he can’t get anything out either. He strips one of his hands free of its glove, and touches her face. Her eyes flutter shut, and kriff, he wants to kiss her.

“There’s a drone over there,” he nods to the side.

“I know,” she opens her eyes, “I don’t care.”

His hand trails into her hair, and she pushes herself up on her tippy toes. Her lips are so soft against his, her arm clings around his neck and when they break for air she whispers:

“Ben,” like it’s a prayer, and that’s fucking _him._

✨

”Welcome back, boss,” Vicrul greets when they’ve climbed the stairs up to the house.

“Thanks,” Kylo nods, while pulling Rey along, aiming for her house.

“Where’s Ap’lek?” Vicrul asks.

“Ap’lek?” Kylo sounds confused.

“You said you would switch our places…”

“Yes, right, I…”

“Did you _forget_ to bring Ap’lek?”

Rey grins when she sees Kylo’s cheeks turn pink. 

“I had other concerns,” Kylo grunts, while shoving Rey’s door open.

“Ap’lek will be so pissed when he hears about this,” Trudgen shouts, before the door closes behind her and Kylo. 

He kisses her again, and starts to chuckle against her lips.

“What?” she hisses.

“I can’t really get as close as before,” Kylo snickers, and nods down at her bump. 

That’s true, he can’t. 

“You’ve gotten bigger since I saw you last time,” his hands gently follow the outline of her body, “does she kick?”

“All the time,” Rey answers, “I’ll show you.”

She takes his hand and leads him to her bed, grinning when he hits his head against the ceiling on the way over. They lay down, and she nudges her bump to the side with one hand.

“Are you sure you’re supposed to do that?” Kylo sounds horrified.

“I’m just waking her, stop being overprotective.”

She grabs his hand, and places it to the left, below her rib cage.

“She’s constantly trying to crack my ribs,” Rey snorts.

At first there’s just those fluttering movements, that can only be felt from the inside, kind of like she’s swallowed a fish alive, but then there’s a proper kick, straight into Kylo’s hand. 

✨

Kylo’s brain short circuits. It’s his _kid_ that’s moving around in there. His jaw clamps shut, and he can’t really keep his eyes open either. Force, help him, he _cannot_ fuck this up. A lump burns a hole in his throat, and he hides his face in the crook of her neck, while keeping his hand over the baby.

“Are you ok?” Rey asks.

“Shut up,” he mumbles, “I’m having a moment.”

Rey laughs quietly, but she doesn’t say anything else.

✨

Rey tries to wait patiently for Kylo to re-emerge from his moment, but he seems content to just lie there, and she soon grows restless. She’s waited for over two _weeks,_ and he’s still wearing clothes! That can’t stand. 

“Supreme leader,” she whispers into his hair, “do you think you’ll manage to work around… the _distance_ between us?”

Kylo faces her again, at first looking amusingly dazed, like he’s just woken up, before catching on. His eyes grow even darker, in a way she… enjoys. 

“I’ll find a way,” he grins, and kisses her until she can’t remember her own name.

✨

“When do you have to leave?”

“I’ll have to get to Faubuth before noon tomorrow, and from here it’s almost a twelve hour trip through hyperspace. So I leave tonight, and sleep on the ship.”

“So soon?”

“You could come with me,” he teases, well aware of what her answer will be.

“You would like that, huh? Parading your tamed Jedi around?” she shoots back.

“I would never show you off like a kriffing _Jedi._ ”

“Like a what then?”

“Like a queen,” he chuckles, and she slaps his shoulder.

✨

What would it be like? Coming with him to every forgotten corner of the galaxy? Would he bring her along to his meetings, or would she just step off his ship next to him, smile and wave to the audience, and then wait for him while he did… whatever it is he’s actually doing? Of course coming with him could never be an option, with him still being the head of the Order, but there’s no harm in wondering... right?

✨

They don't leave her bed for anything besides restroom breaks and to stuff their faces full of whatever they can find in her cabinets. An excellent day, if you ask the Supreme leader, who gladly would stay another week. Or a year. But the time is already running out, and the evening news flickers on. Unsurprisingly, they’re the headline. 

“The Supreme leader was scheduled to arrive on Faubuth today, but his arrival was rescheduled for tomorrow in the very last minute. According to his press secretary the reason behind his delay were some unforeseen events, but we’ve discovered the _real_ reason, and, you might have guessed it, it had nothing to do with politics.”

“You were supposed to arrive _today_?” Rey exclaims.

“Well, yes…”

The holo cuts to a panoramic view over the clearing, and Kylo’s Silencer lands gracefully next to the Night Buzzard. He’s actually a decent pilot, he’ll give himself that.

“Aren’t they going to be mad?”

“I’m the Supreme leader, they can feel whatever they want, it doesn’t matter.”

“You’re kind of a prick,” Rey snickers.

The shot circles Rey where she’s standing, and then he steps out of his ship.

“The Supreme leader wore black, no surprises there, but his mysterious lady opted for a slightly different color palette. She wore black pants, a grey tunic and a short moss green hooded cloak. Her ever growing bump peaked out through the a-lined cape, but unfortunately for us, she kept the hood up the whole time. The affection between these two couldn’t be hidden however, as they seemed to be reunited after some time apart.”

They holo show them staring at each other, before closing the distance in a kiss that just never seems to _end_. 

✨

Rey’s cheeks are heating up. Watching him stalk towards her, from this perspective, makes her feel… things. He’s a mountain of a man, and she likes that to a degree that’s ridiculous, which is painfully obvious to anyone who watches her more or less attack his lips when they meet upon the hill. Rey’s mind wanders to Finn and Rose. Are they watching? She guesses this might not sit too well with them, that she had their worst enemy to fly in not even 24 hours after their departure… and her greeting of _him_ had no doubt been a bit more enthusiastic than the one she’d given them. 

“The Supreme leader and the mother-to-be took off in a hovercraft, and the location of their hideout remains unknown.”

“Thank the Force,” Rey huffs.

“They’ll never find you here,” he promises, “but we should clear some trees on the cliff behind the house, so I can fly in directly.”

“So you’re planning on returning?” 

“If you’ll have me.”

Oh crap, not _that_ voice.

“I’ll have you,” her voice sounds way huskier than she intended.

“ _Again?_ ” he smirks, “I’m not as young and vital as you, scavenger, but I’ll give it a shot.”

✨

“Fuck, I won’t be able to _walk_ ,” Kylo mutters.

“Old men should be careful,” she grins.

Force, he’ll miss her. Leaving her behind to go back to all of his responsibilities and obligations feels like torture. 

“Sir,” Vicrul comms him, “Kuruk says you’ll be leaving in fifteen standard minutes.”

“Confirmed,” Kylo sighs back. 

He takes the quickest shower of his life, and gets dressed. Rey grabs a robe and puts it on. 

“What’s the deal with Faubuth, anyway,” she asks.

“Well, they actually reached out to us, otherwise it’s usually the other way around. They never managed to find stability after the fall of the empire, and the planet has been at war more or less ever since… unemployment is sky high, along with the numbers of addicts. We’ve agreed to step in and help build a functional government…”

“And what’s in it for you…?” she squints at him.

Kriff. Almost an entire day without any arguments and now he’ll upset her minutes before he departs? 

“Well, since I dropped the child recruiting program I’ve to fill up the lines somehow…”

“You’re,” Rey glares at him, “planning on making Stormtroopers of an entire planet?”

“Not all of them.”

“Just the young ones,” she scoffs. 

“Rey,” he murmurs, “what would you have me do instead?”

She falls silent, biting her lip, clearly thinking it over.

“I don’t know,” she sighs eventually, “I’ll walk you to the hover.”

✨

They’re met by an applause as they step out on the courtyard. Rey sighs internally, but there’s nothing to be done about these idiots. 

“Well done, sir,” Trudgen shouts, “impressive for a man of your age.”

“Shut up,” Kylo growls, “Kuruk, let’s go.”

Kuruk takes the lead, and Kylo offers his arm to her as they walk down the dimly lit staircase. Force, she’ll miss him. It’s so easy, when it’s just them. But he’s never just him, is he? There’s that constant third wheel to consider, also known as the kriffing _galaxy,_ and that wheel is, frankly, a pain in the ass. They walk out onto the jetty, he leans down, and kisses her gently. 

“Until next time, little Jedi.”

“Supreme leader.”

They kiss each other again, as if their lives depend on it, and they don’t stop, not until Kuruk demonstratively turns the hovercraft’s engines on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to plot next time 😅
> 
> [Rey’s cape](https://pin.it/5uUJDuC)


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn’t think I would get all fluffy did you?

Sleep, the most basic of human needs, has gotten increasingly difficult. Rey’s legs are crawling on the inside, her back aches and she has to pee at least four times every night. The night after Kylo left isn’t any different, and she spends a good portion of it contemplating her latest meeting with the Supreme leader. The lines are blurring. How involved can you get with a person, while still claiming that you don’t agree with their way of life? 

✨

Kylo sighs as he sees the waiting crowd. He can’t for his life understand why the press is allowed to surround the landing pad on every fucking planet he visits? He lands the Silencer next to a familiar shuttle, noting that Hux, Mitaka and Ap’lek are standing next to it, accompanied by a small group of elite troopers. Kylo takes a deep breath, and gets off his ship. The crowd goes wild, but he can’t make out any words, nor does he want to. 

“Supreme leader,” Hux mutters.

“Hux.”

”So good of you to join us.”

Kylo doesn’t answer, and Hux gestures to the group to follow him. Ap’lek starts to walk next to Kylo.

“I wanted to go to the resort.”

“Ap’lek, _please_.”

“I’m just saying.”

✨

Kylo ordered the boys to start clearing some trees behind her house, and they’re going at it wholeheartedly, perhaps a bit restless from staying in one place for weeks. Rey is only allowed to help by levitating the logs into a neat pile, but it’s quite nice anyway, watching them work while she’s soaking up the sun. It’s hard to believe the galaxy is in disarray, when living on Naboo, where everything is soft, warm and _simple_. She wonders what the Resistance is up to? They made another raid, and freed slaves from the Hutts, but other than that she hasn’t heard anything. Is Poe in charge? Or has someone else picked up after Leia? Are they following her footsteps, or are they planning on saving the galaxy in some other way? Does it even need to be saved? It had been easy to feel the necessity of a change back on Ajan Kloss, when she was constantly hanging out with the other rebels, and everything felt like it was burning, but Rey’s conviction is starting to waver. The First Order’s autocratic hold of every little moon doesn't matter to those who are still wasting away back on Jakku, just as a senate and democracy hadn’t mattered. She used to fight for scraps, day in and day out, no matter who currently ran the galaxy, and there’s plenty of people who still do whatever they have to, just to survive. Who’s thinking about them? Nobody.

  
  


✨

Signing the treaty should be a formality, but here he is, listening to Hux bicker with whatever her name is, she’s Faubuth’s prime minister anyway. She’s about Leia’s age, and she’s _not_ happy with the numbers of recruits Faubuth is supposed to deliver annually in the next five standard years. 

“There’s no possible way for us to dispatch 300 000 men and women every year! We’ll lose every able-bodied person we have.” 

“You agreed on the terms,” Hux growls.

”We’ve reevaluated, forgive me.”

“Then the deal is off,” Hux declares.

”But Faubuth _needs_ this! I just can’t sign off this amount of youngsters!”

“The deal is—”

“100 000 annually is enough,” Kylo cuts in.

Hux glares at Kylo, no doubt cursing internally.

“Oh, thank you Supreme leader!” the prime minister exclaims.

“Supreme leader,” Hux hisses, “may I remind you that we have a massive shortage of troopers since you, against the recommendations from your _council_ , shut down the old recruiting program. We simply cannot accept anything less than 300 000.”

“Mitaka, would you update the treaty?”

“Of course, sir.”

A few minutes later, Mitaka returns to the room with two new printed copies of the agreement.

“Where do I sign?” Kylo mumbles.

“Sir, I have to insist, you must see reason!” Hux presses on.

Kylo signs the papers.

✨

“Kuruk, you really need to stop obsessing over her,” Rey sighs.

The lumberjacking is done for the day, and Rey and the boys are having dinner out on the courtyard. Kuruk just doesn’t shut up, he’s going on and on about Leia, and the other boys don't do anything to help. 

“I saw her checking your ass,” Trudgen grins.

“Yeah, me too,” Cardo fills in.

“Really?” Kuruk beams.

“Of course she didn’t!” Rey hisses, but no one is listening to her.

“I heard she’s really into pilots,” Vicrul pitches in.

Well, that’s undeniably true.

“I _am_ a pilot…”

“Sure you are!” Trudgen slaps Kuruk on his back, “And a damn good one!”

“Please, shut up,” Rey begs, even though she knows all hope is already lost.

  
  


✨

The day is finally over. Kylo will fly his Silencer back to the Finalizer, which is hovering in Faubuth’s orbit, while the rest of his team rides the shuttle back. Force, stepping out to these fucking reporters is the _worst._ They start screaming as soon as they see him, and it’s mostly just about Rey. Maybe he should give an interview? _Well yes, she is pregnant, and also a rebel, and a half baked Jedi, and no we’re not married, I don’t even know if we’re together, it’s complicated_. He snorts. Instead of answering any questions, he gives the reporters a wave, and heads straight for his ship. Fuck, he’ll spend an hour in the shower later… but there’s something tugging him at him, demanding attention, but he’s too distracted to realize what it is, until it’s right upon him. A tiny red light flashes underneath his ship.

Oh, fuck.

✨

”We’ve got it under control, but don’t let her watch the news,” Ap’lek’s voice crackles through Vicrul’s comm.

“Copy that,” Vicrul answers.

Rey drops her fork and stares at Vicrul.

“Why can’t _she_ watch the news?”

“I don’t know. But you shouldn’t.”

“I’m watching the news.”

Rey leaves the table, and stalks inside her house. She turns the HoloNet on, but immediately wishes she hadn’t.

”This is most upsetting, I’m lost for words,” the news anchor rambles over the footage of a wrecked Silencer, “our Supreme leader was targeted in an terrorist attack during his visit to Faubuth. His ship had been rigged with bombs, causing a massive explosion as the Supreme leader approached the craft. The Supreme leader is, as you all know, a so-called Force-user, and he used this mysterious power to shove several reporters out of harm's way, before sprinting towards safety. Unfortunately there were reporters standing on the other side of the ship as well, and we’ve gotten reports that at least five people were killed instantly, and many others were seriously injured. The Supreme leader himself is supposedly still alive, but as these holo’s show, he was knocked unconscious. He was taken to his flagship for immediate care, and his current state is unknown.”

Watching _Kylo Ren_ fly through the air, as if he weighs nothing, makes Rey gasp, and she closes her eyes before he hits the ground. The room is crowded, and the boys stare at the holo without speaking. 

“Intensive investigations are underway, and we’ll return to bring you the latest updates,” Rey turns the holo off. 

The boys throw hesitant glances at her, as if they fear that _she’ll_ explode.

“You’re flying me to the Finalizer,” she states, “right _fucking_ now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you spot the Rey Nobody-reference?! I congratulated myself on my seamless geekery when I wrote that one 😂
> 
> Have you seen Adam Driver on the red carpet? He seems to hate it passionately, which is exactly how Kylo Ren feels about the press.


	27. Chapter 27

Kuruk pushes the Night Buzzard to the max, but the flight to the Finalizer is still estimated to 10,5 standard hours. Neither Ap’lek, Ushar or Kylo answer their comms, and Rey spends the journey in front of the HoloNet. She has watched the moment when Kylo realizes he’s in trouble so many times she now knows there had been four seconds between that moment and the explosion. In those four seconds Kylo turned on his heel, force-blasted the closest reporters out of the way while starting to run for safety, but obviously only made it a couple of leaps before being thrown into the air. She still hasn’t been able to watch him crash into the ground, but she _has_ seen his unmoving body, and his head in a halo of blood. She can’t unsee it, no matter how hard she tries.

“Do you think he’s alive?” she asks Trudgen.

“We would know if he wasn’t. _You_ would know.” 

“But what if he doesn’t make it?” her voice breaks. 

“He’ll make it.”

“But what if he doesn’t?” 

“Trust the Force, Jedi.”

“Early reports from the investigation suggests that it was a terror organization, calling themselves “the Resistance”, behind the attack on Faubuth earlier today,” the news anchor muses, “apparently the guards on duty were jumped early this morning, stripped of their uniforms and locked up in a storage unit. They were found after the attack, and have left their statements. This surveillance holo shows a terrorist, dressed as a technician, tempering with the Supreme leader’s ship, in front of the reporters, but no one seems to notice this bold move, and the terrorist manages to rig his death trap uninterrupted. The current death toll is eleven, ten reporters and one member of staff, from the First Order. We still haven't heard anything regarding the condition of our Supreme leader.”

Rey stares blankly at the holo. The Resistance? Kylo has of course been one of their main targets for years, but sacrificing civilians in the process? That would’ve _never_ happened if Leia still held the reins, never. There had always been rebels who argued that the end justifies the means, and that civilian casualties were inevitable, but Leia always held her ground, and has never, as far as Rey knows, fallen for the temptation of risking innocent lives to weaken the Order. But because of Rey, Leia isn’t a General anymore, and just kriffing look at the outcome, _eleven_ dead. Or will it be twelve? Force, help her, what if he _dies_? 

The Night Buzzard taxes into the hangar without any difficulties, but as soon as Rey shows her nose outside the ship there're plenty of problems. The security officer in charge of hangar A-23 is a man who looks more like a mouse, with big eyes and a thin little grey mustasch, and he seems to have been waiting his entire career for someone to overstep his precious hangar rules. 

“I’ve no Rey of Jakku on my list, I must ask you to leave at once,” he states, while scrolling on his tablet. 

“She’s the Supreme leader’s… she’s the mother of his child,” Vicrul growls, “you’ve seen her on the Net.”

“She’s not on my _list_ ,” the officer snarls back, without taking his eyes from the screen.

”Then put her on the list,” Trudgen spins the vibrocleaver in his hands. 

“Absolutely not. We’ve just had a major security breach, if you haven’t noticed? Leave or I’ll make you.”

Should she just mind trick him? But no, she can’t walk around the ship and mess with every single person she meets. Time to pull the _wife card_ , she can ponder on whether having one is a good or bad thing later.

“Officer,” Rey leans in and reads his badge, “Roki. Is it possible to check who’s permitted into the Supreme leader’s quarters, on that tablet of yours?”

“Of course it’s _possible,_ but there’s no need. Only the Supreme leader has access into _his_ chambers.”

“Could you please check?” Rey _might_ be using just the tiniest bit of extra persuasion.

“Fine.”

Officer Roki’s fingers dance over the tablet for several minutes.

“Ah, here we are… Access is granted to the Supreme leader,” Roki starts to sound hesitant, “and… Rey of Jakku…”

“That would be me,” Rey smiles, in hope to win the mouse man over.

Roki’s fingers start to dance again, and after a few seconds he holds it towards Rey. The screen is blue all over, and he looks at her with open distaste.

“Put your hand on the screen, miss.”

Rey does as she’s told, and no more than two seconds later the screen turns green, with capital letters appearing at the top, saying “identity confirmed”. Roki chews his bottom lip.

“You still don’t have approval to leave the hangar.”

“But _come on_ ,” Trudgen’s losing his patience, “she’s the mother of his unborn child! We commend your dedication to our safety, but don’t you think about _your_ safety? When my master wakes up, and he finds out she was here but was refused, by _you,_ how do you think he’ll react?”

“I’m just following proto—”

“You know he’s got a bit of a temper?”

More lip chewing from officer Mouse.

“Well, then,” he finally grunts, “welcome onboard, miss.”

They treat her as if she _is_ his wife, as soon as the word of her being onboard starts spreading through the ship. People stop in their tracks, and bend their necks, as she and the knights passes them on their way to medbay. She kind of doesn’t hate it, but she tries to convince herself that she does. 

“Mrs. Ren,” the doctor greets her, and she doesn’t object, “the Supreme leader just left the bacta tank. He’s still asleep, but he should wake up soon enough. Come with me.”

He lies still as a statue. He doesn’t have as many monitors or as much equipment as she’d had, back when the roles were reversed, but seeing him like this still unsettles her to the bone. When did she stop wanting him dead? Kriff, when did the idea of him dying become unthinkable? A stray tear trickles down her cheek. She wipes it off, and takes a seat next to him.

“Hi,” she whispers, feeling foolish, “it’s me.” 

She sits there, silent, for a little while, before the door whooshes open. A red haired man steps inside, looking like he’s smelt something unpleasant. This must be Hux.

“Jedi,” he snorts.

“General.”

“Bold of you to show your face around here, considering it’s your band of terrorists who’s responsible for this.”

“I had nothing to do with this,” Rey frowns.

“So you’re disowning them?”

“I’m disowning the death of civilians!”

“But you’re agreeing with the attempt to take out your _baby daddy_?”

“I… of course I don’t _agree_ , but I _understand._ ”

“I told him, over and over, you’d always be nothing but rebel scum,” Hux sounds disgusted, “if you cared, even the slightest, for him, you would leave, not to come back. Ever.”

Who does this man think he is? She’s the… whatever she is, but she sure outrank this dickhead by merely existing! Rey gets up on her feet, and slides the bottom of her tunic to the side, flashing the saber strapped to her thigh.

“You’re the one who should leave,” she murmurs, “right now.”

Hux squints at her leg, and then at her face. 

“The galaxy will burn, because of his ridiculous obsession with _you_. I pray you’ll be able to live with yourself, knowing you had the opportunity to walk away, but instead stayed and brought nothing but death and chaos to the people he _will_ fail to lead.”

“Careful, Hux, you’re starting to sound like a traitor.”

“It takes one to know one,” Hux scoffs, and walks out the door.

“Sorry about him,” she huffs to Kylo, and sits back down.

✨

Kylo is in the throne room. Rey is on her knees in front of him, tears gleaming in her eyes and Supreme leader Snoke orders her death. He can scarcely breathe, but he does ignite his saber, and he does cut her down, only to immediately regret his decision. He falls down next to her, howling, with Snoke chuckling in the background. The ghost of her voice echoes through his mind:

“Ben. Ben Ben Ben. BEN!”

It’s like he's underwater, hearing her call from the other side, but he can’t see anything but her broken body. It’s too much, it’s unbearable, how could he ever—

“KYLO!” someone shouts, “snap the FUCK out off it!”

He sits up, and hurls himself to the side, trying to reach his lightsaber. But he’s not in his own bed, and there’s no nightstand beside him, and if someone hadn’t been standing in his way, catching him, he would’ve crashed down on the floor. 

“Where are you going?” the person who did the catching huffs.

Kylo leans back, and finds he’s staring at Rey. 

“You’re alive,” he breathes, in disbelief.

“Well, obviously. It was _you_ who almost died this time.”

It takes a moment to piece things together. He’d been with her… and then he’d traveled to Faubuth… 

“There was an explosion..?”

“Yes. A bomb underneath your ship. I can’t _believe_ you left the locals with the security! The locals got locked up and _the Resistance_ replaced them! You’re so reckless and idiotic and you’ve no _idea how_ …” her voice is hard and angry at first, before starting to waver at the end.

“How what?” he asks, maybe feeling a little bit smug.

“How…” she glares at him, like he’s somehow offended her, “how kriffing worried I’ve been.”

“Mhm,” Kylo can’t help it, he _likes_ it when she’s worried, “sorry about that. How long was I out?”

“It’s been… 14 hours since the attack. You spent the first twelve in the tank.”

“You got here quick enough.”

She blushes, and her eyes fall on everything but him.

“The boys flew me in, as soon as we heard about it.”

She came. Just for him. Fuck, he’s slipping, falling, fucking crashing into this, and he _knows_ it can’t end well, but Force help him, it’s already to late. 

“Thank you,” he murmurs, and grabs her hand.

She suddenly looks ten years younger, wide eyed, and her bottom lip quivers ever so slightly.

“Please, don’t die,” she whispers, “I… I don’t know how to be alone anymore.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember there’s still a war going on, and while Rey might have realized Kylo is kind of decent, he’s still worse than Hitler in the eyes of the Resistance.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning something completely different for this chapter, but I’ve no control over them anymore.

Kylo is released from medbay a little while later, and while he wishes to head back to bed, preferably with Rey, he realizes he must talk to his people first. Rey trails half a step behind him, clearly a bit uncertain on what to do with herself.

“You must be exhausted,” he states.

“It’s not too bad,” she stresses, but the circles under her eyes tell him otherwise.

“Trudgen, escort Rey to her quarters. Or mine. I just have to brief my generals, I’ll be right back.”

“Of course, master.”

“What will you do,” Rey asks tentatively, “about the Resistance?”

“What would you see fit?” he retorts.

“Maybe _not_ hunt them down? You should make a point of not retaliating senseless killing with more senseless killing.”

“I’ll think about it.”

✨

Rey _is_ exhausted, but she’s also weirdly wired, and, even though she’s crawled into his bed, she can’t fall asleep. She finds a remote at the bedside table, and manages to turn on the HoloNet. A male news anchor, with bushy eyebrows and a stern gaze, is repeating the same information concerning the attack that they’ve been giving all day, when he suddenly pauses mid-sentence and touches his earpiece. The man knits his brows together, while listening attentively, then gives his head a little shake and adjusts his shirt. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, of all species, I’m honored to be the one that introduces you to the Supreme leader for the very first time. Supreme leader Kylo Ren is joining us live, to give you an update on the horrific events on Faubuth. Over to the Finalizer, and to you, sir.”

The holo cuts to nothing but blur for a few moments, and then the head and upper body of Kylo floats in front of Rey. 

“I am Supreme leader Kylo Ren, and I survived the terrorist attack on Faubuth earlier today. Unfortunately, not everyone was as lucky as I was, and we lost eleven lives today.”

Kylo sounds somber, as he reads the titles, names and birth planets of the deceased.

“And finally, my own personal press secretary, miss Yona Umma of Scarrif. Her services to me, and her dedication to the Order, will be remembered,” he looks genuinely heartbroken for half a second, before those eyes of his turn to the hardest of steel, “everything points towards the terror organization calling themselves _the Resistance._ You cannot hold my position without being at risk, but targeting civilians, in order to get to _me,_ is a disgrace. When we find these terrorists, they’ll face trial, and, if found guilty, suffer the consequences.”

✨

”Well done, sir,” Mitaka squeals. 

“Thank you, Mitaka.”

“I must insist we pursue them with everything we got, _sir,_ ” Hux whines. 

“More senseless killing won’t help,” Kylo mutters, “I’m off to bed, we’ll discuss this when I’m up again.”

“That’s _her_ talking,” Hux grits out between his teeth.

“It’s _me_ talking, Hux. I will not rip the galaxy apart again, not when it’s finally starting to stabilize. You should watch that tongue of yours, if you wish to keep it.”

Kylo stumbles into his room, weary to the bone. He hasn’t had a close death experience since Snoke, and clearly he’s a bit out of shape in that department. 

“Supreme leader,” Rey greets him, “did you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“You’ll give them a trial?”

“Yes.”

Her face lights up, and having her waiting in his bed is a sharp contrast from the other times he’s dragged his half dead ass back to his room. She’s in one of his undershirts, and he raises an amused eyebrow when he notices this.

“I can’t fit in my nightgowns anymore,” she scoffs, with blushing cheeks.

The burning sensation of _possession_ fills him whenever he sees her in anything that’s his, but she’s made it clear _she’s_ not his, so he holds back on making any fierce declarations, like ‘all that I have is yours’ or something equally corny.

“It suits you,” he finally gets out.

“Well, thank you,” she mumbles, “are you tired?”

“Very.”

“Get in,” she lifts the covers.

He swiftly strips out of his clothes, and slides in next to her. She turns her back at him, and he carefully drapes himself around her, still a bit worried she’ll suddenly reject him, but today isn’t the day, or is it night? She shuffles closer to him, he presses his lips against the soft skin of her neck, and she sighs. 

“Scavenger,” he murmurs, talking to the back of her head is definitely easier than facing her, “you won’t ever be alone, unless you want to be.”

“I know,” she replies softly, and it kind of sounds like she’s drawing breath to say something else, but she doesn’t.

✨

It’s bizarre, really, that she’s feeling so safe in his arms, on his ship, surrounded by his people. The First Order shouldn’t feel _safe_ , and sleeping next to a possibly insane person definitely shouldn’t feel like… no, no, _that’s_ definitely not what she’s feeling. Less thinking, more sleeping, and things will work themselves out. Hopefully.

Kylo gets up before she does, and returns when she’s just gotten out of the shower. His jaw is clenched in a way she hasn’t seen in a long time. 

“What’s wrong?” she asks, wrapping her robe a little tighter around her body.

“Hux told me,” Kylo begins, “you _understand_ the terrorists.”

Oh, kriff. This won’t be pretty.

“Well, of course I _understand_. Taking you out has been our goal for a very long time.”

“ _Our_ goal? I thought you left, when those maniacs tried to take _you_ out.”

“You _know_ I haven’t switched sides!”

“But _why_ haven’t you?! What am I doing that’s so _fucking_ horrible?”

Where should she even start? Why is he picking a fight? Force, he’s such a kriffing buffoon!

“You blew the Hosnian system into space dust!”

“ _I_ didn’t blow anything up! I had no part in that!”

“Oh, I'm sure you tried your hardest to stop it, right before you killed your own father!” 

Kylo winches, and stares at her in complete disbelief. Dragging his father into this might have been a step too far. 

“I didn’t try to stop it,” he says darkly, “I thought it was necessary, at the time, just as I thought killing Han was part of my destiny. I… I would’ve been dead, if I’d tried to stop it. And then Snoke would’ve ruled, but maybe you preferred his way of doing things?”

“Of course I didn’t.”

“But you still _understand_ the Resistance.”

“The Resistance doesn’t know you.”

“And you think you do?”

“I do!

“And what do you know? Enlighten me,” Kylo hisses.

“I know you’re the most stubborn, impulsive, _insufferable_ , bad tempered man ever to exist!”

“Then why are you even _here_?”

“Because,” Rey shouts, and stumbles over her words, “because no matter how messed up all of this is, you’re _mine,_ you fucking idiot!”

✨

Kylo falters, and stares at her. Her chest is heaving, her face is distorted in the meanest scowl he’s ever seen, and she glares back at him as if she wishes him a swift death. 

“Say that again,” he demands.

“You. Are. Mine,” she bites out, without breaking eye contact.

“I am,” he growls, and stalks over to her, “and you,” he grabs her jaw and stares her down, “you are _mine_.”

She continues to glare back at him, defiant as always. The seconds stretch on, and her eyes grow dark with something else than fury. She slides a hand up his chest, and into his hair. She grabs a fistful of it, almost firm enough to hurt, and snarls:

“I _fucking_ am.”

✨

The way his eyes devours her makes her knees ready to give out. He lets go of her face, to rip his gloves off, and a moment later both of his hands search their way into her hair. 

“Fuck, Rey,” he groans, inches from her mouth, “say it again, _please._ ”

“I am yours,” she breathes, and realizes that she is.

How long has she been? How could she ever allow _this_ to happen? But there’s no point in pretending it isn’t true, because she’s never been more sure of anything in her entire life.

“I’ve been yours,” Kylo murmurs, in _that_ voice, “since the second I saw you.”

“Kriff, Ben,” she gasps, losing the last shred of her sanity, “will you just kiss me?”

He does, and the galaxy could burn to the ground, without her giving a single fuck about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it a healthy relationship? Probably not, but they’re two messed up people without communicating skills, so I think them arguing their way into declaring their devotion to each other is more plausible than them admitting it in any other way 😅


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I’d something completely different planned, but then naughty Rey, and Ben Solo, master of braids, wanted to come and play. 
> 
> I’m obviously improvising on Alderaanii customs, sorry, not sorry.

Rey had realized, early on, that Kylo Ren is a man who likes to feel like he’s got every situation under control. He always makes her _happy_ at least once before allowing himself to let go, and while that’s admirable, and she’s certainly not complaining, Rey finds making _him_ lose his beloved control _intoxicating._ She’s on top of him, that still works, and he’s half sitting up against his headboard. She leans in to kiss him, his jaw, and the spot beneath his ear that makes him groan _every_ time. She increases the pace, just a notch, her lips wander to his ear, and her lips brush against the shell of it.

“ _Force,_ Ben,” she might be exaggerating her hitched breathing just a little, “ _I’m..._ _yours.”_

She knows she managed to lure him to the abyss, when his fingers digs deep into her hips, and he growls;

“ _Fuck!”_

Few things can compare to the rush she gets from watching him desperately try to hold it together, and she feels one hundred percent victorious when he, inevitably, falls over the edge. He throws his head back as he comes down, and sighs.

“You did that on purpose,” he mutters, without opening his eyes.

“I did, yes,” Rey grins, and places a swift kiss on his very kissable lips, “I enjoy making you fall apart, Supreme leader.”

Kylo huffs, his male ego no doubt wounded. 

“But you didn’t—”

“You can pay me back later,” she snickers, and waltzes off to the fresher.

✨

Oh, he’ll pay her back alright. Not right now though, they’ve to survive dinner with the boys first. Rey re-emerges from the fresher, still dripping wet, Force knows she can’t use a towel properly. She looks mischievous.

“Hey,” she begins, “Trudgen told me you can _braid_?”

“You shouldn’t listen to Trudgen.”

“But can you?”

“Of course I can.”

“Will you braid my hair?”

The nothingness in his head is all consuming. She didn’t just say that. No, there’s no way.

“Hello?”

“Are you… sure?”

“Yeah, why not?”

Because having someone else braid your hair is a sign of absolute trust, a manifestation of a sacred bond between two people? Does she realize that? 

“You don’t have to, if you don’t feel like it,” she mumbles, and hurries back into the fresher. 

“I want to,” he calls back, “just dry it and get over here!”

She comes back out a few minutes later, wrapped up in her robe. He rarely sees her with her hair down, it’s gotten long, and seems thicker than usual. If he’d been ten years younger the sight of her, and that glorious hair, would’ve made him ask for a rerun, but alas, he’s not twenty anymore. She sits down in one of his armchairs, and he stalks over to her, grabbing a robe of his own on his way. 

“What kind of braid?”

“It’s your call.”

Kylo brushes his fingers through her hair, thinking of what kind of braid he’ll give her. Could he… no… or maybe? She won’t know anyway, right?

“I might be a bit out of practice… I used to help Leia, but it’s been awhile.”

”Yeah, yeah, just get on with it.”

“Okay…”

“Is braiding someone’s hair a whole thing?” Rey asks.

“Well, sort of, it’s just family and friends who’s allowed to braid…”

“Oh.”

Kylo weaves strand after strand of her hair together, and she doesn’t say anything else during the whole process. The end result is messier than he would’ve liked, but it can’t be helped, he hasn’t braided _this_ particular braid in over fifteen years, when Han and Leia still managed to get along, at least most days. Even if the braid is messy, Leia wouldn’t have cleared it, seeing it on _her_ still makes his heart beat unnaturally fast.

✨

Rey walks back to the fresher to take a look at herself. Kylo has collected her hair in an asymmetrical updo, tighter in the front and softer at her neck, with a braided crown of sorts holding the whole thing together. She looks like a kriffing grownup! Kylo follows her, and watches her face through the mirror. She glances back at him, only to find him looking like he’s done something terribly wrong. 

“What is it?” she asks.

“Nothing,” he responds, but she knows it’s _something,_ because those burning ears never lie. 

”Thanks, anyway,” she decides to let him off the hook.

He just nods, and they head out to meet the knights. Like last time, they’re all seated when they get there, and Vicrul and Ap’lek is yet again the only ones who follows protocol.

“Master,” they rumble in unison, “and Rey.”

The rest of the knights mumbles something similar, without even looking up from their plates. Ap’lek, on the other hand, is _staring_ at Rey.

✨

Fuck. He hadn’t thought this through. He forgot about Ap’lek. Ap’lek, born and raised on Alderaan, needs exactly 0,5 seconds to realize what kind of braid she’s wearing, and he’s staring at her with a very unintelligent look on his face. Rey frowns, but continues to the table. Kylo guides her to a chair on his right, seating himself between her and Ap’lek, praying the knight will show his usual sense of tact and keep his mouth shut. He does, thank the Force, but you can always trust Trudgen to fuck everything up.

“Hey, Jedi,” he calls out, from the other side of the table, “I see you talked him into braiding!”

Rey nods, with a coy smile on her lips.

“So what do they mean?” Trudgen asks.

“Mean..?” Rey knits her brows together.

“All Alderaanii braids _means_ something. Kuruk’s lady friend, for example, wears mourning braids, according to Ap’lek. One _could_ take that as a hint…”

“It’s been almost two _years_ since he died,” Kuruk objects. 

“What do they mean?” Rey cuts in, turning to Kylo.

Fuck. 

“I… I don’t remember,” Kylo mumbles, hoping his hair covers his ears.

Ap’lek squints at him, but says nothing. But the nerf is out of the bag, and Rey catches the disapproving look on Ap’lek’s face. 

“Ap’lek, what does my braids mean?”

✨

Ap’lek scoffs, and returns his attention to his plate of food. 

“ _Ap’lek_ ,” Rey demands, “tell me what the braids mean, it’s an order.”

“Force, help me,” Ap’lek grunts.

Ap’lek searches the face of his master, but Kylo seems to be dissociating, quite possibly trying to become one with the Force, and Ap’lek sighs deeply.

“It’s kind of the braid version of the mandalorian word _cyar’ika_.”

All of the boys gasp, leaving their food completely forgotten. They all stare at her, or at Kylo, but Rey still doesn’t understand what the fuss is about. 

“And what does _cyar’ika_ mean?” 

Ap’lek huffs, he was probably hoping she already knew the word. He once again tries to engage his master, but Kylo’s just as distant as before, and does nothing to save his knight.

“Well,” Ap’lek begins, clearly _extremely_ uncomfortable, “it can’t really be translated, but it means something like _beloved_. That braid is worn by women who are spoken for… usually it’s their _intended_ who braids it for them.”

Is she wearing a… _proposal…_ on her head? Is this why he looked so weird before? Does he kriffing _love_ her? Rey feels overwhelmingly flustered, and answers Ap’lek with a curt nod, before asking Cardo to pass her the sauce. 

✨

The silence around the table is deafening. Kylo has to be the galaxy’s most idiotic man. Just this morning everything had been going _great,_ and then he had to go and scare her off with fucking _braids_. He follows Rey’s lead, and starts to eat. The boys soon return to their plates as well, but everyone remains silent. Just when Kylo thought the dinner couldn’t get more awkward, Leia comms him.

“Hi, son.”

“Hey,” he mumbles to his wrist.

“I just wanted to check in on you, to make sure you’re alright.”

“I’m alright.”

“Tell her ‘hi’ from me!” Kuruk whispers theatrically.

“She can hear you,” Ushar hisses.

“Do it anyway!”

“Kuruk says ‘hi’,” Kylo sighs.

“Oh, tell him I said ‘hi’ back,” Leia fucking _giggles._

Kuruk lights up like a shooting star. 

“Hi, General,” Rey calls out.

“Rey? Aren’t you at the Resort?”

“I had to come and make sure he was alright,” Rey grows bright pink, no doubt regretting _that_ decision.

“I understand,” Leia answers in a knowing voice, “well, since you’re on the line, I just wanted you to know Poe left the Resistance too. He doesn’t agree with their new policy on civilian casualties,” Leia sounds proud, she’s always had an annoying soft spot for Dameron.

“Really?” Rey responds.

“Yes.”

Kylo clears his throat, and Leia, ever the diplomat, takes it as her cue.

“Anyway, I’m sure I’ll see you all soon. Take care, everyone.”

They all mumbles their goodbyes, except from Kuruk, who half shouts:

“Farewell, ma’am!”

“ _Farewell_?” Trudgen sounds repulsed, “what’s wrong with you, Kuruk?”

The boys seem to have forgotten the awkwardness, and the sport of taunting Kuruk fills the room with chatter once more. 

✨

They walk back to his room, and he still hasn’t uttered a single word since he claimed he didn’t remember the meaning behind this _very_ meaningful braid. Rey has come to the conclusion that it probably _isn’t_ a proposal on her head, since he clearly hadn’t planned on her finding out what it meant. This means he chose this braid because a) he’s done it many times before, and knows how to do it, or b) he actually _feels_ things for her. Like big things. And considering his bashfulness after he’d finished the braid, and the mortified look on his face right now… he walks through the doors of his quarters, into the living area, just to randomly stop in the middle of it, and Rey almost crashes into his back. She _should_ put him out of his misery. She will. In a little bit. 

“Sooo, am I your _cyar’ika_?” she asks, pretending to be annoyed.

He spins around, frantically running his hands through his hair.

“I’m sorry,” he blurts, “I didn’t… I shouldn’t have— I just wanted to see you in…”

“It’s fine, really,” she can’t toy with him, not when he’s _genuinely_ petrified, “it’s just hair, Kylo.”

“Not if you ask my mother.”

Or him, based on his erratic behavior.

“I’m not asking her. Anyway,” she yawns, “will you help me get them out before bed?”

He stares at her, looking like she asked him to jump out the airlock. 

“Kylo..?”

“No, no,” he stutters, “I can’t.”

“Of course you _can_ , you just made them. I’m sure you unmade Leia’s braids all the time.”

“I did not!” he exclaims, as if she just accused him of something horrible, “I’ve _never_ unmade a single braid, and certainly not my _mother’s_!”

There’s got to be some other Alderaanii custom behind _this_ reaction. 

“I don’t speak braid, Ben, what’s the deal?”

✨

This night grows more embarrassing by the second. She wants him to explain the significance of unbraiding? How is he supposed to put _that_ into words?

“It’s… only the woman herself that’s allowed to unbraid her hair… or…”

“Or..?”

“It’s… an intimate… I guess you can call it a ritual…”

“Okay… we’ve been plenty of _intimate_ all ready,” Rey points at her bump.

“That’s not the same,” he snaps, “at all.”

Rey raises her hands in front of her, seemingly deciding she’s done with this conversation.

“ _Fine_. If you don’t want to, you could’ve just told me.” 

“I _want_ to, I just _can’t.”_

“Because..?”

“If I put it like this,” Kylo begins to ramble, “the one who gets to undo a braid is the only one that woman trusts completely, the only one she gives herself to, the only one she wants, and the only one who’s earned her… devotion.”

You could probably light a fire using nothing but his ears by now. Her eyes grow wide, and her lips parts. Force, she’s gorgeous.

“But,” she whispers, “to me—”

Her voice falters, and she takes a deep breath, starting over.

“I want _you_ ,” she states, “to unbraid it.”

✨

Kylo looks like he’s been hit by a Star Cruiser. He opens his mouth, closes it, and swallows hard.

“Didn’t you hear what I just said?”

“I heard you,” Rey walks over to bed, and sits down on the edge of it, her back turned towards him, “get over here.”

He approaches slowly, like a scared animal, and sits down behind her. At first she finds the way his massive fingers tremble in her hair amusingly endearing, but that changes when she picks up on his Force signature. It makes her kriffing _drunk_. It’s dark, and heady, burning but at the same time flowing, drowning her in its intensity. His fingers grow steadier as he works his way through her coils, but he seems to be working deliberately slow. She has to hold back from gasping every time he accidentally brushes his hands against her skin, every touch sends sparks from her neck down to her toes. She’s flustered again, but for a whole different reason than she’d been at dinner. Oh, Force.

✨

He lets go of the last strand of hair, and brushes all of it over one of her shoulders, leaving her neck exposed on the other side. He’s lost his mind, this isn’t happening, it can’t be. Her bare skin demands to be kissed, and she positively _moans_ when his lips touch her. That sound will drive him beyond salvation, and he’s determined to make the most of whatever illusion this is, being sane is vastly overrated anyway.

“Little Jedi,” he murmurs in her ear, using the tone he’s realized she… enjoys, “I’m going to pay you back now.” 

“Yes,” she breathes, “ _please_.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I’m incapable of writing Reylo without ‘cyar’ika’ and some braid porn 🙃
> 
> I hope your not dying out of boredom, when I just let these two go at it, while ignoring the actual plot 😬😬😬
> 
> Also! This fic is closing in on 15000 hits! About half of them is probably my own, because I have to reread the whole thing all the time, in order to keep track on everything (👋 adhd), but STILL, that’s insane!!! Thank you so much for reading, I love you 💕
> 
> [Rey’s braid.](https://pin.it/1RjRcgY)


	30. Chapter 30

  
She wakes up on one of his arms, with his hands entwined in her hair. Rey hasn’t realized Kylo has a deep fascination with her hair (or is it just hair in general?), so she usually sleeps with it tied up in a messy top knot. Rey smiles to herself, when she thinks about the suffering she must have caused him. She turns her head, as much as she can without pulling her hair out with its roots, to look at his face. It’s a rare exception, that he sleeps longer than she does, and she finds it strangely soothing to watch him sleep. This way, she can allow herself to memorize every one of his odd angles, without him knowing about it. She still finds all of this terribly messed up, he _is_ the leader of an oppressive government, and she used to spend all of her time trying to stop him, but now, all she can think about is how his beauty marks look like a constellation of stars. She can’t even think back on how he’d held her jaw in one hand, and growled that she’s his, without feeling an embarrassing warmth spreading throughout her body. There’s got to be something _seriously_ wrong with her because there’s been no other man, woman or kriffing alien who’s been able to crawl straight in under her skin like he does, and he’s doing it by simply existing. She accepted a long time ago she’s physically drawn to him, because, really, who wouldn't be? He’s got the hair, those hands, that side profile, eyes that speak for themselves, and he’s tall as a freaking tree while also being ridiculously fit - it’s seriously a wonder she didn’t sleep with him earlier, but accepting _this_ , this gooey, slippery sensation of wanting, no, _needing_ every little piece of him, while offering all of _her_ in return, is a lot harder, because all of him comes with a an entire galaxy. But kriff the galaxy, the crook of his neck happens to be the perfect place to hide from all of her troubles. She is his, and the rest will have to figure itself out, on its own. 

✨

Kylo wakes up, and she’s still sleeping. She’s burrowed her face into his neck, and he wouldn’t mind her staying there, but the arm she’s sleeping on is starting to grow uncomfortably numb. He carefully untangles his fingers from her hair, and tries to wiggle his arm free. It’s not really working, but he suddenly remembers that he does have the Force. He congratulates himself on his brilliance, and levitates her, just a few inches, off the mattress. 

”Kylo,” she sighs, without opening her eyes, “what are you doing?”

“Oh,” he releases her and she falls down, just to almost bounce back up.

She opens her eyes, looking a bit crossed.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ve to work.”

“No,” she whines.

“Yes. You have a doctor’s appointment too.”

“You and your doctor…”

“Don’t start.”

“Will you come with me?”

“No, I’ve a meeting. But I could walk you there.”

“ _Fine,”_ she pouts for a second, before turning smug, “will you braid my hair?”

Kylo freezes. He doesn’t really have the time, but… _braids_. On _her_.

“Okay, but we’ve to hurry.”

They take a quick shower, hardly managing to squeeze both of them into the shower. He dresses with the same efficiency as alway, and Rey jumps into a pair of olive pants, a black layered tunic, brown leather boots, with matching leather arm guards, and finishes it off with strapping her saber to her thigh.

“And what kind of braid?” Kylo is starting to feel stressed out.

“Do the one you did yesterday,” Rey grins.

She _will_ be the death of him. Is she planning on strolling around on _his_ ship, openly wearing _his_ braid? There might not be a ton of staff with Alderaanii roots on the Finalizer, but if she meets just one of them, the gossip will reach an all new high, if that’s even possible. _He_ doesn’t care what anyone thinks of their… connection, but Rey’s usually kind of prickly about it, but if she wants _that_ braid, she’ll get it. 

”Right,” Kylo tries to keep his voice steady, and gets to it.

He doesn’t have any time to second guess himself, and the braid ends up being just as messy as last night. Leia would’ve scolded him over it, but Rey seems happy enough.

“Come on, Supreme leader, we’re late,” she grabs his hand, and pulls him along. 

As soon as they leave his room, she lets go of his hand, squares her shoulders, and arranges her face into a motionless mask that kind of reminds him of… him? Kylo tentatively offers his arm, and she slides her tiny hand into the crook of his arm. They start walking, and he needs every person on this kriffing ship to see _this._ She’s a fucking goddess, capable of creating life, but also of ending them, and she definitely looks the part. For the first time ever, Kylo doesn’t mind people staring at him, because this time it isn’t because of his famous parents, or his bloody reputation, or his big nose and wonky ears, no, this time they stare because he walking with this stunning woman by his side, and all of them must realize that he is _hers_.

✨

Trudgen awaits her outside the medbay.

“Boss,” he greets, “and Rey.”

Kylo nods, and walks off.

“Are you late because he braided your hair?” Trudgen smirks.

“Well, I—”

The doctor opens the door, and he sounds a bit annoyed when greeting her:

“Lady Ren, come on in.”

“It’s just _Rey,_ ” Rey objects, but the doctor has already turned his back on her.

“ _Rey Ren_ ,” Trudgen wheezes, “that’s ridiculous.”

“Shut it, Trudgen.”

“It’s just as stupid as Ben Ren…”

“You can’t call him that!”

“Which is almost as bad as Kylo Solo.”

“Hush!”

“You need a new name too! Don’t worry, ma’am, I’ll think of something.”

Rey sighs, this man is like no one else, that’s for sure. The doctor examines her just like last time, and after he’s listened to the baby’s heartbeat, he hands her the headphones without saying a word. The sound blows her mind, that’s her _baby_ , being all _alive_ in there.

“I’d say you got about seven standard weeks left,” the doctor muses, when they’re finishing up.

“Huh?” 

Did he just say _weeks_?

“Since it’s your first time, it’s quite possible the pregnancy will last longer than that.”

Is she to have a child within _weeks_? Of course she already knew that, on a hypothetical level, but having a doctor spell it out for you makes it… real.

✨

Kylo sits down, a bit late, but not late enough to make Hux explode. An assistant walks through the doors, carrying a pot of caf, and he pours the steaming hot life supporting substance into Kylo’s cup. 

“Thank you,” he grunts, and judging by the astonished look on the assistant’s face, Kylo might not always act civil towards him. 

The meeting is pretty standard, there’s no significant progress, but there’s no reports of major setbacks either, which leaves plenty of time for Hux and Jandi to whine about the Resistance. 

“We must _act_ , Supreme leader,” Hux argues.

“I agree with General Hux, we need to show our superior strength,” Jandi fills in. 

”Everyone knows we’re stronger than a handful of rebels,” Kylo mutters, “the news is doing an excellent job of depreciating their so-called cause. And didn’t the intelligence department show that we’re doing even _better_ in the latest opinion poll, thanks to the attack?”

“The numbers are yet to be confirmed,” Hux states dryly. 

“We won’t do anything until we have those numbers. If the public's trust in us is sinking, I’ll finish those terrorists, agreed?”

Neither Hux or Jandi agrees, that much is obvious.

“Supreme leader, I can’t help notice a shift in your… demeanor, ever since you got involved with _her,_ ” Jandi grits through his teeth

“I hope you're not talking about the mother of my child, Jandi,” Kylo squints at the General, “because I told you not to.”

“Of course not, sir,” Jandi mumbles.

“ _Excellent_ ,” Kylo smirks, “you all have your orders, you’re dismissed.”

✨

Trudgen’s complete lack of ability to think things through is he’s worst, but also his best, quality, and it comes handy today, because Rey feels like exploring. She managed to talk him into showing her where some of the troopers live, and they’re taking an elevator a few floors down

”Do they walk around in armor all the time?” she asks.

“When they’re on duty,” Trudgen answers, as the elevator door opens.

It’s not a happy place, that’s for sure. It feels a bit like a jail, with a long corridor with small rooms on either side. All of the doors are wide open, revealing a bunk bed in each room, and a tiny booth that’s probably a fresher. At the far end there seems to be some kind of common area, and that’s sort of it. Trudgen gestures to her to tag along, and they walk through the corridor in silence. 

“There’s no one here,” Rey mutters.

“No,” Trudgen agrees, “everyone on this block is working, I don’t know if the boss would agree on me bringing you down to 200 bored soldiers.”

He probably wouldn’t. Rey continues down to the common area, and it’s just as depressing as the bedrooms. Everything is made of durasteel, even the lounging chairs, and there’s no color, just different shades of grey.

“This isn’t human,” Rey mumbles to herself. 

“It was fine,” Trudgen insists.

“I forgot you— I’m sorry. How long did you live like this?”

“Well, I came when I was twelve, to the Fulminatrix actually, I’m happy I wasn’t there when you blew it up—”

“ _I_ didn’t blow anything up!”

“Whatever. Anyway, I stayed until Kylo took me in, when I was seventeen.”

“You were just a child…”

“I was older than a lot of the others. I was old enough to understand it was an upgrade from my spiced up parents. A lot of the kids were sold by their parents too, but they were much younger and didn’t understand why…”

Trudgen seems to lose himself in memories of children much like herself. Would it have been better to grow up in the program? She would’ve missed her parents of course, but at least there would’ve been other people around. Maybe she could’ve had friends? 

“There're so many children out there… who’s growing up”, Rey’s voice breaks a little, “just like we did.”

She’s never told Trudgen of her past, but perhaps Kylo has, because he doesn’t seem at all surprised. 

“Yeah,” Trudgen confirms, “but yours won’t.”

Rey is just about to answer, when another voice echoes through the empty quarters.

“What are _you_ doing here?”

✨

Rey isn’t in his room when Kylo returns at the end of the day. He should’ve known better than to let Trudgen accompany her, he’s probably lost her somewhere, and she’s going to be forced to birth that child behind a TIE-fighter in some random hangar. He raises his wrist comm to try and reach his youngest knight, when the door opens and Rey stomps in.

“I don’t like Hux,” she hisses.

“Me neither,” Kylo grins.

“You don’t like _anyone_ , so that’s not the same.”

“True.”

“He accused me of being a spy! As if information about your sad bunk beds would make any difference to the cause!”

“Bunk beds..?”

“That’s what you’re reacting to?!”

“We’ll get to the spy-part shortly, what bunk beds are you talking about?”

“Trudgen showed me a residential block, and Hux popped up like—”

“Trudgen brought you down to _the troopers_?”

“Force Kylo, yes, I wanted to see how they live, it’s not great by the way, but Trudgen kept me all safe and didn’t let me meet a single trooper.” 

“Well _that’s_ unusually sensible of him, but I don’t get why you—”

“Let’s get back to Hux!” Rey cuts in.

“Fine.”

“He thinks I’m a spy.”

“He _knows_ you're not, he’s just mad because you won’t go on air, declaring your loyalty to the Order.”

”He’s a… _nerf-herder!”_

Someone has clearly spent a bit too much time with his mother. Kylo chuckles and pulls her towards him.

“Never mind him,” he murmurs, trying to steal a kiss.

But she’s not feeling it, she just ducks away and hisses:

“We haven’t talked about the troopers yet.”

“What about the troopers,” Kylo sighs, letting go of her.

“They are _slaves_!”

“They are not!”

Kylo _hates_ the slave trade, hates the thought of children being bought and sold, hate the fact that Rey used to be one, working for nothing but food, and most of all, he hates that he can’t make it go away.

“They live in shitty little _cells_ , they don’t get paid, they’re never allowed any proper free time when they actually get to leave this kriffing jar of a ship and they don’t have a say in anything, they’re just ordered around.”

“Well, they’re _soldiers_. I don’t know how Organa ran things, but around here, soldiers are _expected_ to follow orders!”

“Kriff the order-part then, what about the rest?!”

“They’re very well taken care of,” Kylo mutters, “they have plenty of food, a roof over their heads, and they get to travel the galaxy…” 

“But they don’t get paid, and they’re never free to do what they want,” her voice is softer now, as if she already knows she hit her mark.

Kylo sighs deeply, and pinches his nose, probably hard enough to bruise. He inherited so much shit from Snoke, he hasn’t even begun to think about half of it. The troopers have never really been _people_ to him, they’ve just been… collaterals. He once oversaw a freighter unloading a batch of new child recruits, and he’d seen that ridiculous boy he once was in all of them. They’d stepped out in the hangar wide eyed and shivering, most of them sent away by their own, when their parents had to choose from letting all of their children starve, or sell one of them, and the sight had shook the Master of the Knights of Ren to the degree that he made sure he _never_ had anything to do with the recruiting again. He of course _knew_ that children and teenagers were systematically bought, or taken, by the Order, but he never saw them, not until they were old enough to wear armor, and the armor makes it real easy to think of them as nothing more than advanced droids. 

“I can’t fix it by tomorrow,” he states, after a long silence.

“Of course not,” she beams, Force, she’s unbelievably gorgeous when she smiles, “but you will fix it?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I ask,” Rey grins, “well that, and some help to undo my hair.”

✨

She can easily get used to _this_. The way his eyes grow pitch black, before he nods, and gestures her to sit down on the bed again, just like last night. His fingers hardly tremble at all this time, instead they’re working their way through her hair slowly and methodically, but with an undercurrent of something else. Something that’s the opposite of everything Luke and Leia has taught her about living as a Jedi. It might seem _serene_ , the way he softly takes her braid apart, and it might seem _peaceful_ the way they both stay silent, and maybe it might seem as they reached a _harmonious_ state, with the way they sit, almost motionless, on that bed, but it isn’t. Rey has never felt as emotional, in any direction, as she does when she’s with him, and that harmonious balance that the twins loved to go on about, which has never been a part of her life, is absolutely nowhere to be found when he unbraids her hair. There’s nothing but turmoil inside of her, she wants all of it, anything he can give her; his chaos, passion and his power, she _craves_ it, desperately, so much she can’t think a coherent thought. When those lips _finally_ kisses her shoulder, she knows one thing for sure. She _isn’t_ a Jedi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey’s wearing the maternity version of something like [this](https://pin.it/3vUtDnd) with the confidence of [Angelina Jolie](https://pin.it/1u4zhGn) at Cannes 2008.
> 
> The last Rey-part is a, quite obvious, nod to the Jedi and Sith codes, because I love them.
> 
> Aaaargh, I’d so much trouble getting anywhere with this! Part of me sort of just wants to write one more chapter where they have their baby and everyone’s happy and call it a day, because then I don’t have to stress out over the potential massive failure this fic might turn out to be 😂 buuuut I’ll try to soldier on.
> 
> Anyway, on a happier note, we’re gonna have a baby soon (soon and soon... 🙃)!!! Rey’s got a good feeling about the gender, so do you have any pretty names for me?


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your support! This fic would’ve been two chapters long if it wasn’t for you ❤️

“Kylo…”

“Yeah?”

“What do you think we should call her?”

Kylo’s still in some kind of form of denial, when it comes to the baby. He can’t put his head around the fact that he’s going to be a _father_. 

”I don’t know…”

They’re lying in his bed, and Rey starts to ramble name after name, but Kylo has a hard time paying attention. He snakes a hand over her bump, wondering who’s in there. Hopefully she’s like her mother, sunny yet strong, without his brooding or bad temper. He remembers the boy he used to be, lanky and awkward, never quite fitting in anywhere, and his parents’ attempts to _make_ him fit. He never did, and of course the influence from Snoke hadn’t helped his relationship with either Leia or Han. He had been a quiet, but explosive child, and he’d connected with the Force early, making him ‘dangerous’. He vividly remembers the fights his mother and father used to have about what to _do_ with him. He’d been ten when they left him at the academy, after a Force-incident involving another child, and he hardly ever met them after that. He does know they _wanted_ to love him, but he isn’t sure if they ever really did.

“Hey,” Rey interrupts his moping, “are you okay?”

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sort of spaced out…”

“It’s nothing.”

✨

It’s something. He’s Force signature is all over the place, but she can’t understand what made him so… upset? Is it about her? It must be. Rey swallows hard. She _knew_ this would happen, that he, as soon as he got her, would realize she’s not much to actually _have_. Her chest feels like it’s about to burst, or implode, like she can’t get enough air, and she has no control over her racing heart.

“I should head back to the resort,” she hears herself say.

Kylo raises his head to look at her.

“So soon?” Kylo frowns.

“Yes.”

She can’t have him around, because he’ll see all of her, every flaw and bad habit, and then he’ll leave, just like everyone else. People always find out, in the end.

“It’ll make the boys happy, I guess,” Kylo mumbles.

His face is impossible to read, and she can’t stay in bed with him. She gets up as quickly as her unwieldy body lets her, and heads for the shower.

✨

Kylo is suddenly standing in the hangar, about to send her off with the Night Buzzard. She hasn’t asked him to do her hair, she’d come out of the fresher with her hair already pulled up in three buns. There’s something off, isn’t it? Maybe she’s having second thoughts, regarding their… relationship? He knows he’s a difficult man, but he’d hoped… never mind, he’ll give her the space she needs.

“Do you want me to come visit?” he murmurs.

“You don’t have to,” she whispers, with a look on her face he’s never seen before.

“Okay, then,” Kylo pushes his hair back, and tries to stop _that_ nerve under his eye from twitching, “I guess I see you when the Force wills it.”

“Yeah,” she responds and starts to climb the landing ramp, “may the Force be with you.”

“And you,” he breathes, and then she’s… gone.

✨

Rey spends the trip in Kylo’s private cabin, at the far back of the ship. She’s in no mood to join in on the boys enthusiastic chatter, they’re no doubt happy to leave the Finalizer. Especially Ap’lek, who switched positions with Vicrul, to Vicrul’s great displeasure. They’d all been surprised by the sudden departure, but they hadn't questioned it, thank the Force. What would be the answer to that question? _Your master doesn’t want me around anymore, and I can’t stand it?_ She’s pathetic. How could she let this happen? She should’ve listened to him, back on Life Day, when he told her to leave. But she’s never been able to stay away from him, has she? She kriffing posted _herself_ to his ship, officially to get him to help save the galaxy, but she knows deep down that isn’t the whole truth. She’s been drawn to him, like a moth to a flame, since the second she saw him, and she’s always been fully aware she’ll get burned, eventually.

✨

What just happened? Everything has been going sort of okay the last couple of days, more than okay if you ask him, and then she just decided to pull the plug? Supreme leader Kylo Ren trashes a training hall in a manner the staff of the Finalizer hasn’t seen since the days of Snoke. Ushar walks in when Kylo’s ripped exactly _everything_ to shreds, there’s nothing in the room, including the walls, that aren’t sizzling after he’s whacked away with his saber. The knight says nothing about the scene, he’s seen worse, instead he asks if Kylo is ready for his next meeting. All of these _fucking_ meetings will drive him fucking insane! 

“Fuck the meeting,” he sounds pissed, even to himself, “tell them to reschedule it.”

“Sir,” Ushar nods, and leaves again.

Kylo doesn’t return to his chambers, he’s too restless, even after his demolishing session. He slams his hand against an elevator monitor, and descends into parts of the ship he rarely visits. As soon as he steps out into one of the troopers’ blocks, he regrets coming. He should’ve at least changed first. Two hundred heads turns towards him, peeking out from their rooms, and he wishes he could just leave, but that would make him look like a coward. He can’t talk to all of them at once, so he says, in normal speaking tone, because he knows they’re listening harder then ever before;

“I need someone to spar with me.” 

The troopers, all of them off-duty, fuck, he should’ve thought about that too, stare at him without saying anything. Kylo glares back, trying to keep his face from revealing his sudden change of heart.

“I don’t have all day,” he growls. 

A massive man, that somehow reminds Kylo of that traitor Rey befriended, steps out in the hallway.

“I’ll spar with you, sir.”

“Excellent, let’s go.”

After the second most awkward elevator ride of his life, Kylo guides the trooper into a training hall (not the one he just wrecked) and asks what kind of weapon the man prefers.

“I usually use a blaster, sir, but I’m decent with a staff too.”

“Pick one,” Kylo gestures at the wall full of different kinds of tools, all of them intended to maim other people with.

Kylo picks a training sword, and the trooper goes for a staff made of durasteel. If he gets a hit in, it’ll fucking hurt. 

“Don’t hold back,” Kylo grunts.

“No, sir.”

They fall in some version of an opening stance, but the trooper is quick to attack, and soon Kylo loses himself in the only language he’s fluent in; violence. 

✨

Getting back to the resort is such a relief. Rey excuses herself and heads straight to bed, but it’s no use, she can’t sleep. Force, what’s wrong with her? She steps out on her porch, only to find Trudgen in one of the chairs.

“What are you doing on my porch?”

“Watching the stars and eating Bugz,” Trudgen shrugs, and waves his bag of dried insects in her direction, “besides it’s my night to guard the place, and your porch has better chairs than those on the courtyard.”

“It’s the same kind of chairs.”

“Take a seat, young one,” Trudgen grins, “I sensed I was needed.” 

“Young one? We’re the same age.”

“I have it on good authority that I might be a year older than you. Anyway, what’s up?”

Rey sits down in the chair that’s become hers, and sighs. What’s not up? Or down? 

“Nothing,” she mutters.

Trudgen doesn’t answer, he just munches away on a fistful of insects. Rey absentmindedly strokes her bump, trying to center herself. 

“I’m just asking because you’re seriously messing up my game,” Trudgen muses after a little while, “first with Tico, and now with this radar technician-girl back on the Finalizer.”

“You’re blaming me for your poor flirting skills?”

“You know nothing about my flirting skills, because I hardly perceive you as female,” Trudgen smirks.

“Hey!”

“It has nothing to do with _you,_ I just have _some_ sense of self preservation. So, spill it, why am I here and not on the Finalizer, sharing a bed with… whatever her name was.”

“Cute, Trudgen, really,” Rey snorts, “I guess we’re here because… well, first of all I’m not with the Order.”

“Not _this_ again,” Trudgen rubs his temples, “and second of all?”

“He didn’t want me there anymore,” she’s barely audible.

“Are you kidding me?” Trudgen scoffs, “Did he tell you that?”

Rey doesn’t know what to say, so she says nothing. 

“I can’t believe you, he literally braided ‘ _pretty please be mine’_ on your head! Twice!”

“But… he did, but then he realized I’m not… he just stopped talking to me, and his Force-signature was… I mean, if I’m not there, he can’t grow tired with me.” 

“Rey, this might come as a surprise, but that man is seriously fucked up, in ways that have nothing to do with you.”

“I know...” Rey suddenly feels awfully stupid.

“If your going to have us fly you out here every time he acts like his normal messed up self, I’ll never get to fuck anyone ever again. And I can’t have that.”

Rey tries to keep from laughing, but it’s impossible. 

“For the sake of your love life, I’ll comm him tomorrow.”

“That would be most appreciated,” Trudgen graciously bends his neck, “now go back to bed.”

✨

“Why am I here?” Hux sounds annoyed, maybe because Kylo ditched Hux’s meeting, just to force the General to attend a private meeting in the middle of the night.

“I've been thinking,” Kylo begins, “about boosting morale. I want the troopers to have wages.”

“Wages?!” Hux’s half shouts, “why would they need _wages_?!”

“And also, they should be allowed to keep their names.”

Hux looks like he’s being Force choked, but Kylo is innocent, Hux is turning purple all on his own.

“This is _her_ doing!” Hux explodes.

“It’s _not,_ ” Kylo murmurs, “she’s not even here anymore.”

“She’s not?” 

“No.”

“She’s on Naboo?”

“Yes. I had a most constructive meeting with one of your troopers today,” if beating the living hell out of each other, and then drinking beer, counts as a meeting, “I do understand we can’t start paying everyone right away, we’ll try it out on the troopers stationed on the Finalizer first.”

“We don’t have the credits to pay wages for 10 000 troopers,” Hux grits.

“Use the credits intended to keep Starkiller up and running.”

“But sir!” Hux objects, and he sounds desperate, “I thought we were going to use those to build another base?”

“No,” Kylo sighs, “it’s been tried, _three_ times, to bring order to the galaxy by using ridiculously expensive super weapons and it hasn’t worked. It’s just wasting credits, and people.”

“But...” Hux stumbles on his words, “the galaxy… I really must insists that you think this through—”

“Hux, this is a direct order. Make sure the troopers are paid, and ask them to choose names for themselves.”

“Yes, Supreme leader,” Hux's face turns sickly green.

“You’re dismissed.”

✨

Rey doesn’t need to comm him, because she wakes up next to him in the middle of the night. He doesn’t seem to have slept at all.

“Scavenger,” he rumbles.

“Supreme leader.”

They silently stare at each other long enough to make it awkward. Rey figures it’s her turn to try and make things right.

“Soooo, about this morning…” she mumbles.

“Yeah?”

“Did you not…” thank the Force for the darkness, because she’s definitely blushing _hard_ , “want me around?”

“What? I always want you around, you know that.”

“Obviously, I don’t...”

“Rey,” he brushes his thumb along her jawline, “you know the unbraiding thing?”

“Yes?”

“Well, it’s not just the woman who chooses _one_ person to undo her hair…” Kylo’s voice sounds strained, almost as if it’s about to break, “it’s the other way around too, I wouldn’t unbraid _anyone’s_ hair, but yours.”

Rey’s heart clenches to half its size, and those kriffing hormones make her tear up.

“Really..?” she whispers. 

“Really.”

He leans in and kisses her, softer than ever before, and she can’t take it, she doesn’t know what to _do_ with all of these bloody _feelings_. 

“So, you’ll come visit?”

“If you want me to.”

“I want you to,” she squeaks.

“I’ll head over, in a week.”

“A _week?!_ ”

“Hux will have me assassinated if I’ll leave any sooner.”

“I should’ve stayed,” Rey sighs.

“Yes,” he agrees, and kisses her again.

Then he’s gone.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, if you feel like Rey is overreacting and jumping to conclusions, please remember I’m writing her as a person with some serious attachment issues. Her deepest fear is to be rejected, so she rather leaves before he has the time to leave her. And Kylo isn’t much better. 
> 
> Thank the Force for couples counselor Trudgen Ren 🙌


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the hold up, life’s been giving me plenty of lemon’s lately, so I’ve been busy making lemonade. I hope this chapter was worth the wait 💕

“The attack on Faubuth seems to have swayed the public opinion in your favor, sir,” Jan Salleo, director of the Department of Intelligence, reports, “the comm trafic has been heavier than usual, but most spot-checks indicates that the Resistance failed two times over, with both the assassination of you, and with reaching new sympathizers.” 

“Excellent,” Kylo feels smug, and Hux looks like he wants to die instantly, “we’ll leave them be, we’re not wasting anymore resources on those dirty idiots. Your team, Hux, will of course continue as usual.”

“My _ten_ men will continue to comb the galaxy, sir,” Hux doesn’t manage to keep his frustration out of his voice. 

“Perfect. Anything else, Salleo?”

“Well, yes. The traffic surrounding…” watching his subjects try to find a fitting word for Rey, without actually talking about her, is Kylo’s favorite kind of entertainment, “your…”

“The mother of my child?” Kylo takes pity on the man.

“Yes!” Salleo exclaims, “ _Everyone_ is talking about her. Or about you, but with her. We should somehow use the interest she's creating.”

“She’s not overly interested in doing PR-work for the Order,” Kylo sighs, “but I’ll think about it.” 

“You told me she would go _on air_ ,” Hux frowns. 

“Yeah, no, she won’t.”

“But if her background gets out--”

“Frankly, I don’t give a fuck about the Hutt’s.”

“I told you, it’s not just the Hutt’s! There’s plenty of entire systems who will turn on us, and if they form alliances…”

“We’re still the Order, aren’t we?”

“An Order without as much as a promise of a new Starkiller,” Hux snarls, “what will keep them from breaking free?!”

“Maybe they’re just sick of chaos? I won’t be able to look my child in the eye, with the knowledge that I’m keeping the peace by sacrificing other children to the likes of the Hutt’s.” 

Hux stares silently at Kylo for a while, processing his words.

“Are you suggesting we should criminalize the slave trade?” Hux sounds revolted. 

“I am,” Kylo responds, a bit impulsively, to be honest, “I want it looked into. As soon as possible.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to just call your _mother,_ and have her take over?” Hux exclaims, before turning grey, when he realizes what he just said out loud. 

The room is dead silent. Every general, every officer, and every assistant watches in horror, as Supreme leader Kylo Ren rises from his chair, just to fling his hand to the side. General Hux slams into the wall, and slides down onto the floor.

“General Hux, this is your final warning,” Kylo growls, “I’ve been most patient with you, but that patience is wearing thin. Don’t ever question my authority again, or I will end you. Understood?”

“Yes, Supreme leader,” Hux squeals from the floor, “thank you, Supreme leader.”

✨

The days pass in a lazy haze. Rey tries to keep up with her training, but she’s starting to get annoyingly restricted by her own body. To Rey, whose survival has been completely dependent on her physical abilities, it’s almost enough to drive her insane, when she realizes she’s having trouble keeping her balance, or when she feels a bit breathless after nothing but a brisk _walk_. 

“Relax, Jedi,” Ap’lek scolds her, when she’s trying to perfect her forms, but failing quite miserably. 

“Easy for you to say!” Rey grunts back.

“It’s only for a couple of weeks now,” Ap’lek muses, “besides, the only person you can really fight with that fancy glowstick of yours, is the one who caused your slightly declined shape.” 

Rey arches a brow.

“I mean your _fighting_ shape, your _actual_ shape is a wonder of nature.”

“Nice save,” Rey snickers. 

”My point was that you won’t have any use for those moves anyways, considering you’re apparently on a _braiding basis_ with your main opponent.” 

Rey scoffs, but her kriffing burning cheeks betrays her as they always do. 

“My wife didn’t let me anywhere near her hair until we were married,” Ap’lek mutters.

“Is she Alderaanii too?”

“Yes, yes, of course.”

“Where is she now?”

“Coruscant, we’ve a place there.”

“Don’t you miss her? Being away all the time?”

“Yeah, well, we’re used to it. And I _do_ see her.”

“Do you have any children?” Rey asks, not really thinking things through, per usual.

“No,” Ap’lek sighs, “no, we… couldn’t.”

“Oh,” she should really learn to keep her mouth shut, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—” 

“It’s alright, it just _is_ the way it is. Nothing more, and nothing less.”

“Like the Ren?”

“Just like the Ren.”

✨

Kylo paces back and forth in his study. Did anyone realize Hux’s words weren't just a standard ‘your mother’-insult? They can’t have? Or could they? How many of his officers and generals would stand behind him if _that_ bomb were to drop? _Yes, hello, this is my mother, the legendary Leia Organa, yes, one of the Skywalker’s, mhm, that’s correct, she did bring the empire to its knees, no, I’m certainly not influenced by her politics, I would never._ Fuck! Kylo drags his hands along his face, and groans loudly.

“What’s the matter?”

Rey’s suddenly there, standing just a few feet away from him. 

“Nothing.”

“The last time you told me ‘nothing’ I ended up here,” Rey squints at him.

“It has nothing to do with _you_.”

“Does it have anything to do with _you_?”

“I guess…” Kylo sighs.

“Then it _does_ have something to do with me,” Rey grins, “spill it.”

“But you’re a spy,” Kylo mutters.

“I am. I’m going to sell the information on the black market of worries.”

“It’s just Hux,” Kylo gives in.

”Isn’t always Hux?” Rey snorts, “What did he do?”

“He disapproved on my latest… idea.”

”What’s your latest idea?”

That familiar sensation, the one of his ears being on fire, makes Kylo shrug, return to his table, and sit down, trying to look busy. But Rey’s persistent, as always. 

“ _Come on_!”

“Fine,” Kylo mutters, “I want the slave trade to… stop.”

✨

Rey can barely contain all of the emotions that’s crashing down over her. He’s… doing good? On his own? Kylo tries to act indifferent, and flips through some papers, but Rey spots those ears, and the fact that his papers are upside down must count as another telltale. Rey really shouldn’t reward his efforts by teasing him, but she just can’t resist.

“Is this dark lord turning all soft?” 

Kylo scoffs at her, but the corner of his mouth is twitching.

“And you’re proud of yourself too?” Rey grins, “I must be hallucinating.”

“Shut up, Jedi,” Kylo mumbles.

“But Hux doesn’t approve of people being free?”

“He says it’ll stir up shit with the crime families, and quite a few systems.”

“Why are you even keeping him around?”

“Well, I was never involved in actually _running_ the Order, under Snoke. I was Snoke’s hitman, and apprentice, but he never planned for me to take his place, so I knew nothing when I took over. Hux has been in the game since forever, and he’s in charge of the troopers, so I kind of… need him.”

”But he’s _vile_.”

“Yes, and annoying as fuck. Perhaps if I had someone else to lean on…” Kylo grabs her hand, and pulls her closer.

“You’re an idiot,” Rey grins.

“Can we stop talking about Hux now? How are you?”

“It’s okay. I just…” now it’s Rey’s turn to avoid eye contact, “wish you were here.”

“I would give an arm to be there,” Kylo sighs, leaning his forehead against her bump.

“Can’t you just… leave?” she whispers, combing her hands through his hair.

“I could… but who would take over? Hux? I did so much crap to make way for the Order, and if I leave, it’ll be Snoke all over again.”

“Are you trying to... condone?” Rey can’t _believe_ she’s having this conversation.

Kylo shrugs again, and gets back on his feet, towering over her. Force, he’s gorgeous. Rey gets up on her tippy toes and kisses him, because she kriffing _can._

“I get why you’re staying,” she tries to keep her voice steady, without great success, “I’m proud of you.”

✨

It’s ridiculous how pleased his latest encounter with Rey made him. He’s borderline _giddy,_ and Force knows that’s not part of Kylo Ren’s emotional repertoire. But she’d looked at him with fucking _stars_ in her eyes, just as she had done when she came to him on the Supremacy. Kylo runs the scene over and over in his head. _I’m proud of you._ Proud? When was the last time anyone was proud of him? He’s never been enough for anyone. He’s always been either too much, too intense, too unstable, too powerful, too _dark,_ or too little, too soft, too weak, too scared, too _light,_ for anyone to take pride in him. Then there’s Rey, with her hands in his hair, and those starry eyes, telling him he did good. Yeah, he _is_ ridiculous, there’s been _dogs_ who’s been less pleased with praise than Supreme leader Kylo Ren.

✨

“Isn’t weird?” Rey’s just filled Trudgen in on Kylo’s latest move.

“Not really,” Trudgen shoves a fistful of his Bugz in his mouth, Force knows how massive his stash must be, “he became soft as soon as that old weirdo died. And since you and him started to… braid each other’s hair, or whatever it is you do, he’s been _painfully_ soft.”

“Really?”

“I haven’t killed anyone in months,” Trudgen sighs, ”since he’s trying to keep things ‘civil’ and ‘diplomatic’.”

“You make _not_ killing people sound like a bad thing.”

“Well, I’m not in it for the _killing_ exactly, but I do love a good fight, and they usually results in at least one person being dead.”

“You’re horrible!”

“I’m not! We’ll all die sooner or later, it just is what it is, and sometimes _it_ means getting killed by me,” Trudgen grins.

“You really are horrible,” Rey huffs.

“As if you never killed anyone, Jedi? What about those guards, or the troopers on Starkiller? Do you even know how many they were?”

“That’s not the same, we had no choice. The galaxy was under attack, so it was necessary to the cause.”

“Interesting point… it’s the exact same one Snoke used to convince his subjects to blow Hosnian to pieces.”

“That’s _not_ the same!”

“It kind of is, the dead are just as dead wether they were killed by the good guys or the bad guys. It just is what it is, Jedi. If you want to pretend you don’t get fucking _high_ after a good fight, go ahead, but that would make you a liar.” 

“Go fuck yourself, Trudgen,” Rey hisses.

She gets up, and stomps back into her house, leaving Trudgen out on the porch with his disgusting snacks. 

“Good night to you too!” Trudgen shouts, unbothered as always.

Kriffing idiot. What does he know about her? Nothing, absolutely _nothing._ Rey stays mad even after she’s gone to bed, and when she gets up to use the bathroom, after a few hours of sleep, she’s still fuming, the audacity of that kriffing man! Rey marches back out into the main area of her little house, heading back to her sleeping nock, when she abruptly stops dead in her tracks. She’s no longer alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please know that Trudgen’s opinions is his own, and does not reflect the moral compass of the author 😅


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the cliffhanger! This is a chapter I’ve been dying to write, I hope it’ll make up for the ending of the last one 😅 and heads up, this is a bit violent.

Rey summons her saber to her hand, before the five armored persons who're searching her house have even registered that she's there. She ignites it the very same second it touches her skin, and she falls into a defensive stance. The unmistakable sound of a saber makes the five men spin around, and the closest one growls:

“There she is, the _Jedi_. Get her.”

Rey doesn’t wait for them to _get her,_ she jumps at the man who spoke, slashing down with her saber from over her head. The man blocks her, with his own fucking underarm, and her saber doesn’t slice straight through it, as she’d expected it to. Rey Force-pushes the whole lot of them, sending them flying backwards, and bolts for the door. She stumbles out onto the courtyard, and shouts:

“Cardo! Wake the fuck up, we’ve got company!”

Cardo startles awake in his chair, and gets on his feet quicker than Rey thought was possible. The five men stalk out through the door, firing their blasters straight at her. Rey parries with her saber, and Cardo returns the fire with his massive arm cannon. 

“Get the fuck out of here, Jedi!” Cardo shouts. 

Rey doesn’t get out of there. It’s like she’s been possessed, she hasn’t fought for her life since she and Kylo took those guards out, and fighting like _this_ is all consuming. Everything is moving so fast, yet somehow still so slowly, and Rey just follows the currents of the Force. She tries to hold on to the light, but the fury burns black within her. Who the fuck do these people think they are?! They’re trashing her things, threatening her, and, above else, threatening her child. She’ll end every single one of them, and that’s a fucking _vow._ The other boys join the fight, but she’s just vaguely aware of them, and it sounds like Ap’lek is far away, when he shouts his orders.

“They got beskar on! Aim for their necks!”

Rey jams her saber through her opponent’s throat at her first opportunity, and he sags to the ground. She doesn’t stop, she turns towards the chaos that is her boys fighting four armored men in nothing but their underwear. One of the men realizes she’s killed his friend, and comes after her, with a long bladed knife in each hand. 

“You wanna go?!” Rey cries out, baring her teeth at him.

But she never gets the chance to take him on, because Trudgen’s vibrocleaver separates the man’s head from his body.

“I had it covered!” Rey shouts.

“Great, Jedi,” Trudgen mutters, while jumping over the body, just to grab her arm, “lets go!”

”But we need to help!”

“No, no, the boys got it! Kylo will have my head if I let you fight,” Trudgen drags her along.

Rey realizes he won’t change his mind, and that he also might have a point. They hurry down the stairway, down to the water, and climb aboard the hovercraft. 

“We’ll wait here, or leave, if we have to,” Trudgen states solemnly, sounding nothing like his usual careless self.

Rey sits down, her body still in full battle mode, and tries to will herself to calm down. The baby is kicking like crazy inside of her, and Rey supposes she’s a fighter, just like her parents. Trudgen stays standing up, with his cleaver in a firm grasp, as he watches the stairway with a remarkable focus. The two of them stay silent, until the noise of the fight starts to fade away. Rey sends a quiet prayer to the Force, asking for the survival of her boys. Kuruk pops his head over the edge of the cliff, and shouts:

“We got them!”

Trudgen immediately relaxes, twirling his cleaver around in one hand, before turning to Rey.

“Let’s head back up, Jedi,” he grins, “and try to stop staring at this impressive physique.”

“You’re an ass,” Rey snickers, but she accepts his hand, to steady herself, as she jumps back to the jetty.

The courtyard is littered with dead men, but none of them is a knight of Ren. Cardo is the only one dressed, since he was the one on guard (but clearly not doing a very good job in that department), the rest of them are wearing underwear, save for Ap’lek who’s wearing a kriffing _nightgown_. The absurdity of it all, the half naked boys with their gigantic weapons, Ap’lek in a long sleeved gown-shirt-thing, drenched in blood, paired with the heap of dead bodies, causes Rey to lose it, and she starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other boys join in, to Ap’lek’s great annoyance.

“What’s so fucking funny?! Huh?!”

✨

“Sir,” Ap’lek comms him, when he’s in the middle of yet another insufferable meeting.

“Yes?” Kylo responds.

“First of all,” Ap’lek sounds strained, “I want to stress that both Rey and the baby is okay—”

”Why wouldn’t they be?” Kylo snaps.

“We… had some visitors. Bounty hunters—”

It’s like someone poured a bucket of ice water over Kylo’s head.

“What about the alarm systems?” Kylo demands.

“They didn’t go off, I don’t know why.”

“Was she in danger?”

“I can handle myself, you know,” Rey’s voice trails through his wrist comm.

“Ap’lek, was she in any danger?” Kylo chooses to ignore Rey’s objection.

“Well… she fought all five of them on her own for a very brief period of time…”

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TELLING ME?!” Kylo explodes, and violently gestures to the attendants of the meeting to get the fuck out.

“As I said she’s fine,” Ap’lek mumbles.

“Why was she fighting on her own?! Who the fuck was on guard?”

“It was—”

“It doesn’t matter, Kylo,” Rey breaks in, and it sounds like she’s closer to the comm this time, “you can’t Force-choke him through light years anyways.”

“I can fucking _try_ ,” Kylo growls, “who were they?”

“They wore bits and pieces of beskar armor,” Ap’lek tells him, “but I doubt they’re actual Mandolorians. They were too sloppy, and they have that whole family-is-sacred-thing…”

“Yeah, they wouldn’t accept a mission with a pregnant target,” Kylo agrees, “we’ll send people over to investigate, just get her to the Finalizer.”

“But I just got back here!” Rey’s being just as fucking difficult as she always is.

“Don’t test me on this, _Rey_ ,” Kylo murmurs, “you’ll come here, and stay until I know who’s behind this, _and_ until I’ve torn that bastard to _pieces_.”

“Always so dramatic,” Rey scoffs.

“Ap’lek, get her here, that’s an order. And bring the security holos.”

“Yes, sir.”

Rey tries to shout something, but Ap’lek cuts the connection after her first curse. Kylo finds himself standing, he can’t remember he ever rose up, with his chair toppled over behind him, and with his chest heaving, as if he’d been fighting himself.

“Fuck,” he grits out, and slams his hand against the tabletop. 

“Forgive me, sir,” Hux has apparently not left his seat, “but this has _the Resistance_ written all over it.”

✨

“He’s such a controlling fucking idiot!” Rey exclaims, letting go of Ap’lek’s wrist.

“He’s just trying to keep you safe, Jedi,” Ap’lek muses, “and the baby.”

“Whatever you say, _ma’am_ ,” Rey huffs.

“It’s a night _shirt_ ,” Ap’lek shots back, “now, stop acting like a spoiled brat, and go get your things. We’re leaving in twenty standard minutes.”

“What the fuc—” Rey snarls, but Trudgen once again grabs her, and pulls her along.

“Let him be,” Trudgen drags her towards her house, “the gown is a sensitive topic. Let’s just pack up, there’s no way Kylo will let you stay here, not until he knows it's safe.”

“Force, help me,” Rey whines.

“But, tell _me_ ,” Trudgen winks at her, “did you or did you not enjoy fighting?”

“I most definitely did not enjoy it,” Rey states, but they both know she isn’t telling the truth.

“Sure thing, Jedi, sure thing.”

Rey smacks the back of his head, in a fruitless attempt to wipe the smugness off his face.

✨

She seems to be a tiny bit crossed with him, but she still sighs, in something that could be relief, when he wraps her up in his arms, as soon as she steps out of the Night Buzzard. 

”Why are you so desperate to get yourself killed?” he murmurs in her hair.

“I’m not,” she tells his padded tunic, as she burrows her face into his chest.

”I want to watch the security footage right now,” Kylo tells the knights over her head, “let’s go to a meeting room.”

They all follow him, and Rey accepts his arm. Kuruk hooks everything up, and they’re soon watching a familiar courtyard. Five men sneak down over the cliff ledge, down onto her ceiling, and they’re soon reaching the ground. They stop and listen, but apparently nobody’s noticing them.

“Why isn’t there anyone guarding the place?” Kylo asks, trying to keep his temper under control.

“I…” Cardo says tentatively, “I was there… behind that bush,” he points it out, “but I…”

“You were sleeping,” Kylo squints at him, “idiot.”

“Hey!” Rey shoves his shoulder, “Be nice!”

The five men in armor and helmets make their way to Rey’s door, and the seams of Kylo’s gloves threatens to burst, as he clenches his fists. The men spend no more than a minute inside Rey’s house, before the light of her saber flares up in the darkness, the light leaking out through the windows. A handful of seconds passes, and then Rey runs out onto the courtyard. Cardo springs to life, and starts showering the intruders with blaster bolts.

“I tried to tell her to leave, boss,” Cardo mumbles.

“But she didn’t,” Kylo sighs, as he watches Rey, barefoot and dressed in a pair of shorts and a loose top, parry bolt after bolt, before locking blades with a massive man swinging a vibrostaff.

The other boys flood the scene, and Rey ends her duel with a _very_ satisfying blow to the creep’s neck. He’s furious about the fact that she was forced to fight, but he must admit she looks outstandingly good doing it. Another man tries to corner her, waving a couple of pathetic knives in her face, but the man never reaches her, before Trudgen ends him, and drags Rey out of harm’s way.

“Good call, Trudgen,” Kylo muses.

“Thank you, sir.”

“I had it under control!” Rey hisses.

“I have eyes, scavenger,” Kylo grunts, “I can see you had it under control, the point is, it wasn’t your _job_ to have it.”

Rey huffs, but doesn’t argue. Kylo watches as Kuruk, Cardo and Ap’lek work their way through the three men still standing, killing them efficiently, without showing off or fooling around. Kylo nods to himself, the boys might have dropped the ball at first, but they got it together, eventually, and followed his orders to the letter. The holo ends after Rey and Trudgen have returned to the courtyard, and the last seconds show Rey, seemingly laughing her ass off.

“Ap’lek’s gown?” Kylo asks.

“It’s a _shirt_ ,” Ap’lek growls.

“Any ideas on who ordered it, sir?” Vicrul breaks in, probably trying to save Ap’lek’s face.

“Yes,” Kylo nods, “it was the fucking _Resistance_.”

And he was the one who fucking found two of those filthy rebels, and sent them straight to her fucking _house._ He had been a fool, risking her life just to make her happy, and even more foolish for trusting her judgment on her so-called _friends_.

✨

Rey groans. This man never ceases to amaze her with his incredible range between brilliance and utter _idiocy_.

“The Resistance would never have the credits to pay off _five_ bounty hunters.”

“Clearly, they had.”

“No, they don’t. Without Leia they probably don't have enough to _eat.”_

“So, you’re suggesting one of the boys arranged it?” 

“Of course not!” Rey shouts.

“There’s _no one else_ who knows where you’ve been living!” Kylo howls back.

The knights squirm in their seats, trying to make themselves invisible. 

“You’re all dismissed,” Rey declares, while staring at Kylo.

The boys scramble out through the door, and they remind her of the porgs she used to scare back on Ahch-to, a lifetime ago. 

“I don’t want to argue,” he murmurs.

“Then don’t,” Rey pouts.

“There’s no other suspects.”

“Can you just investigate it first, before doing something rash?”

Kylo hums, and Rey figures that’s some grumpy dark lord-way of agreeing. She nods and reaches for him.

“You haven’t even kissed me yet,” she teases.

“I could do that,” he responds, and just like that, she’s forgotten the whole thing.

✨

Kylo leaves Rey tucked in in his bed, and returns to business. They crossed a fucking line this time, and he wants them to fucking know he’s coming for them. 

“Ready, sir?” a small woman squeaks, when she’s done powdering his face.

“Ready,” Kylo nods.

“We’re live in three,” a man with a massive mustache counts, behind his holocamera, “two, one…”

“This is your Supreme leader Kylo Ren,” he stares straight into the camera, “and I have a message to the members of the terrorist organization calling themselves _the Resistance._ ”

✨

Rey’s just about to fall asleep when Trudgen bangs on the door, calling her name. Rey waves her hand, and the door opens. Trudgen barges in and half-shouts:

“Turn on the HoloNet!”

Rey frowns, but she does as she’s told. A hologram of Kylo is staring straight at her, and he looks positively predatory as he gives his speech.

“targeting _me_ , that’s one thing, coming after _my family_ ,” Rey’s stomach flutter at that, even though she’s certain Kylo’s about to make a complete ass of himself, “that’s a whole different matter.”

“Did he just call me _family_?” 

“Hush, Jedi,” Trudgen hisses, before adding; “of course he did.”

“You call yourselves _rebels_ but you're nothing more than terrorists without a cause. Targeting a pregnant woman is as low as you can go,” Kylo continues, “I will turn this galaxy upside down, to pull you out of your dens, and I will _destroy_ you.”

“Oh, he’s being so _stupid_ ,” Rey sighs.

”To finish this off, I want to show you what happens to anyone that tries to hurt my family—”

“He said it again!”

“ _Hush!_ ”

“and it’s quite gruesome, but it’s still _nothing_ compared to the fate that awaits those who ordered this attempt on their lives.”

The holo cuts to the security footage, and Rey watches, for the second time of the day, how she fights alongside the boys.

“Look at me,” Trudgen smirks and points at his, undeniably fit, body, “the ladies are going to _love_ this!”

✨

Rey’s still awake when he gets back, and that was _not_ part of his plan.

“I thought we agreed that you _wouldn’t_ do anything rash?” 

“I can’t let people try to kill you without reacting.”

“They’ll retaliate, for sure.”

“What are they going to do, send their _five_ vintage x-wings at me? I think I’ll live.”

“It was a stupid move, anyways,” Rey bites her lip, “and you called me ‘family’?”

Oh fuck, he knew she wouldn’t like that he took liberties like that. He tries to hide his face by turning his back on her, shedding his layers of clothes with a confidence he doesn’t feel.

“I didn’t really know what to call me and you,” he mutters, “but I figured that you, me and her is a family… of sorts, anyway.”

Rey doesn’t answer, and he doesn’t have any clothes left to remove, save for his underwear, so he’s being forced to face her now. He shuts his eyes, and takes a deep breath, preparing for the onslaught of her anger. It’s just that… she’s not angry. She’s got those stars in her eyes again, as she looks up at him from his bed. Her lower lip trembles, and her tiny hand clasps around a fistful of linens, as if her life depends on it. 

“Do you really,” her voice is close to breaking, “think so?”

Oh Force, help him, he sometimes forgets about the five year old who got left in the desert, because she usually just shows him her fierceness and her strength, and never the broken shreds of a rejected girl. Rey’s face is filled with a mixture of tentative hope and complete terror, and the sight makes Kylo’s heart feel so tight that he can hardly breathe. He sits down on the edge of the bed, and brushes a few stray hairs out of her face. Kylo Ren isn’t a man of many words, he’s always been more comfortable in silence, but he knows there’s some things that _must_ be said out loud.

“I really do think so.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ap’lek’s gown is of course a homage to [Marshall’s nightgown](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Jmg4xveJoUs) in HIMYM.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here’s another chapter that I hadn’t planned on writing. But whenever I have these two in the same place they’re like “Plot? What plot? We wanna bang”, and who am I to deny them?
> 
> Heads up, there’s an anxiety attack in here too, if that’s something you would like to avoid reading about.

  
  
Rey wakes up all tangled up in his arms and legs. She _might_ have had a slight meltdown last night, after he’d insisted that she was part of his family, and she _might_ have cried in his arms until she passed out from exhaustion. He’s awake already, as he usually is, but he doesn’t say anything. Rey nuzzles as close as her bump lets her, and he untangles one arm, placing its hand on said bump. The baby shifts and kicks, and Kylo stares at her billowing midriff with disbelief in his eyes.

“I can’t really get that there’s _someone_ inside of you…” he mumbles.

“I know, I mean, she’s like this whole new person?”

“I hope she gets your ears…”

“There’s nothing wrong with your ears.”

“I’m the Supreme leader, you’re forced to say that, or I could have you executed.”

“As if,” Rey snorts, “I’ve no trouble naming your flaws, your ears just isn’t one of them.” 

“What _are_ my flaws then?”

“Let's see, you're an impulsive, stubborn, hotheaded potty mouth...”

“You could be describing yourself,” Kylo huffs.

“Yeah…” Rey agrees thoughtfully, “she’s going to give us hell, isn’t she?”

“Well,” Kylo grins, “she probably is.”

✨

Rey lies on his arm, and he turns the HoloNet on, basking in an unfamiliar feeling of domesticity. But the illusion of normalcy breaks instantly, when he realizes that he and Rey are once again headlining the news. The holo shows Rey fighting, and a female news anchor talks over the footage:

“The mystery surrounding the Supreme leader’s wife intensifies with every passing day. The latest holo shows a horrible attack on an expecting woman, but it also shows how capable that mother-to-be is. She fought with a _lightsaber_ , as the Supreme leader does, and she seems to be a _Force wielder,_ just like her husband—”

“Do you still think leaking this holo was a good idea? You’re practically confirming the rumors yourself.”

“Nobody knows you trained to be a _Jedi_ , they’ll all assume I found you in some sith palace somewhere.”

“Comforting, Ben, truly.”

“... the message from the Supreme leader couldn’t be any clearer, if you mess with this mama bear, she’ll literally have your head. Observant viewers have also reached out concerning her security team, and we strongly suspect that she was protected by Kylo Ren’s closest men - the knights of Ren. They never show their faces, as you all know, but here they are, and it’s not just their _faces_ that’s on display. I would like to say _thank you_ , on behalf of women everywhere _,_ to the Supreme leader, for blessing us with this gun show.”

“Trudgen’s going to be insufferable!” Rey groans.

“All jokes aside,” the news lady carries on, “this was the latest testimony of the brutality of the so-called Resistance—”

Rey reaches for the remote, and the holo dies away. She lays her head back down on his arm, and begins to trace his jaw with her finger. Kylo closes his eyes and holds perfectly still, terrified he’ll scare her off by as much as breathing. He can feel her shifting her weight, and then her lips sprinkle kisses over his cheeks, his chin, his forehead… is she kissing his weird birthmarks? 

“I did tell you, right?” she breathes against his skin, “That you’re beautiful?”

✨ 

Making him blush is one of her favorite pastimes. He opens his eyes, and searches her face.

“Don’t tease,” he grunts.

“I’m not!” 

“You _are_.”

“You had me so confused back on Starkiller, when you took that stupid mask off. I expected you to be horrifying… and not kriffing gorgeous.”

“Shut up,” he blushes even deeper.

“Obviously, I still wanted you dead.”

“I know,” he points to his face, “you gave me a souvenir.” 

“It only makes you look hotter. You should thank me, really.”

“Thank you,” he murmurs, and kisses her softly.

“It feels like ages ago…” Rey whispers.

“It does,” Kylo agrees.

“Hard to believe we used to be enemies.”

“You were never _my_ enemy.”

“You _kidnapped_ me!”

“Only to get the map, and to figure out why it felt like… I needed you,” he mumbles, “but I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… but I _did_ need you.”

“Needed me for what?”

“To…” he hesitates, and takes a deep breath, “remember that I wasn’t just the voice in my head.”

“Force, Ben,” she whispers, “he really messed you up.”

Kylo shuts his eyes again, biting his jaws together, clearly trying to stay in control over his emotions, and it’s a sight that breaks Rey’s heart.

✨

It happens from time to time. It’s like he’s thrown into a pit of his worst moments, all of it crashing down on him, the isolation, the failures, the ever present honey smooth voice in his head, the torture, the disassembly of Ben Solo and the rise of Kylo Ren, and everything that came after, the killing, the maiming, the destruction, the complete darkness for weeks at the time, the desperation, the saber through Han Solo’s chest… he tries to keep it together, but it’s hard, he usually trains until he’s close to passing out when these episodes claim him, or tear a room apart, but he can’t behave like that in front of Rey. He bites down even harder, but it’s like an avalanche, once it’s begun it can’t be stopped, his heart races, and he can’t fucking _breathe_. He bolts out of her arms, swings his legs over the edge of the bed, and all but falls out of it. 

✨

Kylo stumbles around the room, clearly not seeing where he’s going. He reminds Rey of a trapped animal that’s trying to escape, prepared to do anything to get out, including chewing its own leg off. His eyes are twice their usual size, flickering blindly, his hands are trying to find leverage, he claws aimlessly at the chairs, knocking them over, and he staggers against the walls, searching for salvation. When he can’t find it, he crosses his arms to dig his fingers deep into the opposite upper arm, coming to a halt in the middle of the room. His shoulders cave inwards, he bends his head down and shuts his eyes, with every muscle in his body tensed as a string about to snap, while shifting his weight from side to side. Rey gets up, and approaches his swaying body with caution. She knows the surprising strength a trapped rabbit can muster when panicking, and Kylo certainly isn’t a scared bunny. He’s a massive powerhouse, unstable on his best days, and strong with the Force, prone to feed his powers with pain and fear. 

“Kylo?” she calls out softly, but he doesn’t react.

✨

There’s nothing, nothing, he’s falling apart, literally, there’ll be nothing left, he clings to himself, trying to hold everything in place, but it’s no use, there’s no use, he’s dissolving into atoms, he can’t even control _himself_ —

“Ben?” someone is calling his birth name, but it sounds so far away, it could just as well be one of his many hallucinations.

“Ben,” there it is again, “Ben, it’s alright.”

He jerks away when someone touches his shoulder, and opens his eyes, but he can’t make sense of what he’s seeing. It’s the girl… the one who’s been hunting his dreams for years and years, ever since he was that pathetic boy, but she’s solid now, as if she’s truly there. 

✨

His eyes wander all over her, but he still seems to be somewhere else. She retreats half a step, to give him space.

“Ben?” she tries again, “it’s me. You know, Rey?”

He blinks rapidly, and she once again reaches for him, and her fingers brush against the skin of his arm. He doesn’t pull away this time, he just stares wildly at her.

“It’s okay,” she whispers, “I got you.”

“Scavenger…?” he breathes, with confusion written all over his face.

“The one and only,” she offers a small smile, and steps closer, “and you’re Ben Solo, or Kylo Ren, whatever you prefer.”

She snakes her arms around his torso, stepping closer, and places her cheek over his hammering heart. 

“Most importantly, you’re mine, and I am yours.”

She sighs in relief when his arms hesitantly close around her, and he folds his face into her hair. They stay like that until he starts to shiver, the adrenaline in his body finally beginning to wear off. She knows him well enough to understand that he doesn’t want to talk about what just happened, so she says, without looking at his face:

“Could you braid my hair? After we’ve showered?”

“Yes,” his voice sounds strained, almost brittle, “of course.”

✨

His hands still tremble, when he starts to work his way through her hair. Rey says nothing of it, and the repetitive motions of weaving her hair together soothes his fried nerves. 

“What does this one mean?” Rey asks, after he’s done with the braided knot at the nape of her neck.

“Leia often wore it to meetings, so I’m guessing it means _do as I say_.”

“I like that,” Rey grins, “does it work on the Supreme leader too?”

“Probably, yes,” he runs a hand through his hair, “will you come with me today?”

“With you where?”

“To work.”

“But… why?”

Honestly, because he wants to make sure she’s safe, but she wouldn’t like to hear that.

“I don’t know… so you’ve something to do?”

She squints at him, bites her lip, and shrugs.

“Well, you gave me meeting-hair, so I guess I could come.”

✨

Coming with him to his first meeting of the day makes Rey realize two things. One, his people do not approve of having her around, and two, there’s not a shred of Ben Solo left in him, as soon as they leave the privacy of his (theirs?) quarters. Rey of Jakku finds herself behind enemy lines, attending her first, top secret, First Order meeting, and she can’t for the life of her focus on anything else but the Supreme leader. They’ve been so busy handling each other's emotional meltdowns, hers last night and his this morning, that they haven’t had the time to… have it off, so to speak. This now strikes her as extremely poor prioritization, and she’ll be forced to wait _forever_ to get him alone again. Someone is talking about taxes, another one argues back, and Kylo listens attentively to both of them, with his brows knit together and his gloved hands resting clasped on the tabletop in front of him. Yet another voice breaks in, something about a hyper lane, but Rey is too busy fantasizing about him taking those gloves off, and unbraiding her hair, to follow the conversation. Kylo’s presence is dominating the room, in an unapologetic way that makes her question her sanity. She’s supposed to _loathe_ this version of him, not get all warm and flustered by it, like some newly recruited rebel who’s meeting the pilots for the first time. Kylo rarely speaks, but when he does, it seems to be final, nobody continues to argue after he’s weighted in on whatever it is they’re discussing. He sort of reminds her of his mother, with the exception that Rey’s never been desperate for the General to undress. The meeting drags on and on, and her ability to focus doesn’t improve. _At all_. He’s been carefully avoiding to meet her gaze, but when he does meet it, after an _eternity,_ it’s like she’s electrocuted. His eyes grow black, and he doesn’t look away from her when declaring:

“Everyone but Mitaka and Hux is dismissed.”

The room quickly empties. Ap’lek stays behind too, he’s obviously not considering himself to be part of ‘everyone’.

“Mitaka, cancel everything on my schedule today. Comm me if there’s any news on the Resistance, run everything else by Hux. You’re all dismissed, you too, Ap’lek.”

Rey doesn’t miss the revolted look on Hux’s face, but the General doesn’t object. The three men walk out the door, and Kylo gets on his feet. Rey mirrors his movement, and they’re soon standing a foot away from each other.

“You’re awfully distracting,” Kylo murmurs.

“ _You’re_ distracting.”

“Bringing you was disastrous for my reputation,” Kylo muses, guiding her to sit down on the table. 

“Was it really that great,” her breath hitches as he steps in between her thighs, “to begin with?”

“Valid point, little Jedi, valid point,” he cradles her face with both hands, and leans in to kiss her.

His lips, and hands, are suddenly all over her, and she tugs at his tunic, trying to reach the warm skin underneath. Force, she _needs_ him, so kriffing bad. A loud banging at the door interrupts her bliss, and Kylo doesn’t even leave her neck when he growls:

“ _What?!”_

The door opens.

“Forgive me, master,” Ap’lek sounds outstandingly tired _,_ “but I felt compelled to remind you that this room has a window.”

✨

Both of their heads snap towards Ap’lek, and the knight is correct, next to the door there’s a massive window overlooking the busy corridor on the other side. People are scurrying past the room with their eyes glued to the floor, carefully avoiding to look at their leader, who’s going beyond second base with his baby mama. Rey turns bright pink, and Kylo straightens back up.

“Thank you, Ap’lek.”

The knight nods, and Rey hides her face in her hands, while rambling curses in a steady stream.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” he kisses her softly again, “it’s my ship. But let’s get back to bed.”

He grabs her by the hand, and they hurry off. It’s nothing like their usual, more dignified, way of walking through the ship, no they’re close to running, unable to look at each other without breaking into the most ridiculous grins ever. They tumble into his chambers, and she immediately finds his mouth again, while trying to unbuckle his belt.

“Fuck, Rey,” he groans against her lips.

“Yes, please,” she’ll be the death of him, truly, she will.

✨

They do need to adjust things a little bit now, but they’re two solution-oriented people, who don't shy away from a challenge. Rey’s been building up for this all day, and he barely has to touch her before she close to falling apart. They’re lying on their sides, and he drives her even closer to the edge by brushing his lips against her ear while mumbling incoherently:

“Rey, please,” she can tell he’s close too, “ _cyar’ika_ , fuck, you’re too good for me, I want to... kriff—”

She calls every name he’s ever had when she _does_ fall apart, and he follows half-a-second later. They don't move an inch afterwards, too spent to even try, they just lie there, and Rey can’t help but dozing off. She’s in that weird place between sleep and awake, when he nuzzles even closer, and presses the faintest of kisses at her shoulder blade. His lips are still touching her skin, when he whispers, so quietly she can barely hear him;

“I love you.”

And then he lays his head down on his pillow, and falls asleep within seconds. Rey, on the other hand, is suddenly wide awake. Did he just…? No…? Or did he? 

Where’s Trudgen when you kriffing need him?

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My main complaint (idk, maybe not, I’ve many) on TROS is that Kylo turned darker, and less conflicted, after killing Snoke. I would like to argue that Ben’s way back to light would’ve started as soon as he got that voice out of his head, even if he had a slight setback with that meltdown on Crait. Aaaaaand I’m pretty sure he would have some serious PTSD.
> 
> On a happier note, did he just confess his feelings?! He thought she was asleep, but still!!! There will be plot next time! Maybe! At least there will be knights. I’m so pumped to write Rey and Trudgen’s heart to heart, but alas, I probably won’t be able to post anything for awhile, due to work etc etc. Stay safe everyone ❤️
> 
> Oh, almost forgot! Here’s Rey’s [do as I say-braid](https://pin.it/4okXORz), but without the flowers, of course.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How much braid porn is too much braid porn? Asking for a friend.

Kylo is dead asleep, which is rare. Rey is nowhere close to joining him, and since it’s not even dinner time yet, she decides to go find Trudgen. She takes a quick shower, pokes some stray strands of hair back into the braid, gets dressed and heads out. She’s never been to his, or any of the other knights’, chamber’s, but she figures it has to be somewhere further down the corridor, past the dining room and Kylo’s study. She knocks on the first door.

“Who is it?!” Vicrul shouts.

“It’s Rey,” she shouts back, “I’m looking for Trudgen!”

“Five doors down, to the left!”

“Thank you!”

Rey briefly considers opening Trudgen’s door with the Force, just to get back at him, but she resists, and knocks instead. The door opens, and she barges in. 

“This is an emergency, Tru—” Rey finds herself in the middle of a room that’s pretty much a copy of Kylo’s, but Trudgen isn’t alone in there.

“Jedi!” Trudgen beams from his bed, with a pretty redhead on his arm.

Rey and Trudgen’s _company_ stare at each other.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Rey mumbles, “I didn’t know—”

“No worries,” Trudgen smiles smugly, “this is the Supreme leader’s lady friend,” Trudgen tells the unknown girl.

“I’m Rey,” Rey states firmly.

“Hi,” the redhead says, “I’m Stella.”

Recognition lights up Trudgen’s face, and Rey realizes he went to bed with Stella without knowing her name. Classy.

“Stella is the radar technician I told you about,” Trudgen grins.

“Oh, right,” Rey mumbles, “maybe I should come back later?”

“Not on my account,” Stella giggles, “I was just about to take a shower anyway.”

“I’ll manage your emergency in the meantime,” Trudgen declares solemnly.

Rey nods, and turns her back at the bed, to allow Stella some privacy as she rushes off to the fresher. Trudgen stays where he is, most likely kriffing naked underneath the covers.

“Why did you open up?!” Rey hisses as soon as the fresher door closes.

“I heard you screaming my name in the hallway,” Trudgen shrugs, “besides, I wanted to show the excellent results of that holo. She thinks I’m _heroic_ for protecting you.”

“Whatever,” Rey shakes her head, trying to clear it.

“What’s the emergency?”

“Well,” Rey knits her brows together, “it’s two things really. First of all, when we were… _doing it_ —”

“Force, are you still doing that? How does that even _work_?!” Trudgen exclaims, “You’re positively _convex_!”

“I’m sure you’d figure it out too, if you had to,” Rey’s starting to regret coming here, “ _anyway,_ he said _cyar’ika_ in the middle of it.”

“Yeah..? That’s the emergency?” Trudgen sounds extremely disappointed. 

“Not just that!” Rey stresses, “he said something else too, when he thought I was sleeping…”

“Spit it out already.”

“I think he whispered,” Rey swallows hard, “ _I love you._ ”

“So I’m interrupting my _very_ pleasant time with miss Stella because Kylo is a big sap? Please, Rey, give me a break.”

“But what do I do?!”

“Well, you either say it back, or you don’t.”

“But I…”

“Did it make you happy, or not happy?”

“Well,” Rey bites her lip, “happy of course, but it’s really… terrifying too.”

“Congratulations, you love him, now get out,” Trudgen points at the door, “see you at dinner.”

✨

The boys are as rowdy as ever during dinner. Kylo notices how Rey fits in seamlessly with them, which isn’t so surprising, considering she’s been spending more time with some of his knights than she has with him. She’s become their pirate queen, adored, and respected, by all of them, and it warms his black heart to know they would do anything to keep her safe. Dinner is going as smoothly as it can, in this company anyway, when his comm buzzes.

“Yes?”

“Hi, Ben.”

Kuruk hushes everyone, before turning his full attention to Kylo’s wrist.

”Mother.”

“Why did you have to go and blame the Resistance? They would never be able to pay _five_ bounty hunters.”

“Are you back with them?”

“Of course not! I’m just worried about how they’ll retaliate.”

“Rey said the same thing, but I think I can handle their so-called fleet.”

“Ah, Ben…”

“Say ‘hi’ from me,” Kuruk mouths.

“Kuruk says ‘hi’,” Kylo grunts. 

“Isn’t he the dearest?” Leia chirps, “Tell him ‘hi’ from me too. Is Rey with you?”

“I am,” Rey cuts in.

“Hi, sweetheart, I was thinking of joining you at the resort when you get back there, what do you think?”

Kuruk nods violently.

“You’re welcome anytime, General.” 

“Excellent, let me know when you’re heading back. I hope I’ll get to see all of you.”

“Of course you will, ma’am,” Kuruk shouts across the table, earning a death glare from Kylo, “it’ll be our pleasure!”

✨

“Do you recon Leia’s into him?” Kylo asks her, when they’ve returned to his quarters.

“Kuruk you mean? I don’t know, I think she’s mostly flattered.”

“He’s even younger than _me.”_

“On the other hand, you’re ancient.”

“I’m not!” Kylo scoffs, “I’m in my prime.”

Rey can’t argue with that, since she finds him painfully attractive. And funny, in his own, kind of dry, way. And he’s sweet to her, when he’s not being an idiot, but even then, he usually does things with the intent of taking care of her. He’s smart too, sometimes, when he’s not listening to Hux. Don’t forget the way he plays her like a kriffing violin either, because he’s very talented in that department. Force, help her, could Trudgen be _right_? 

“Scavenger?” 

“Huh?” Rey blinks, “yeah, of course, in your prime.”

“I’m happy we finally agree on something.”

And those fingers in her hair, his lips at her skin, and the way he kriffing _moves_ … 

“Jedi?”

“Yes…?”

“What’s the matter?” his eyes search her face, and she can tell she’s blushing.

“Nothing.” 

“So you’re allowed to say _nothing,_ but not me?” he huffs, and begins to unbutton his tunic.

Rey watches how he somehow manages to open button after button, while still wearing his _gloves_ , and she parts her lips to say something, but her mouth is suddenly dryer than the Jakku desert. Kylo pulls his gloves off, and shrugs out of his padded tunic, leaving him standing, with his back facing her, in one of his soft long sleeved undershirts. Kylo marches over to the laundry drop, and flings his garments away, before removing that undershirt _too_. Rey’s jaw actually drops at the sight, she’s never truly dedicated herself to mapping out this part of him, but she now realizes his back is all muscle, and it’s covered in a mess of scars. She suddenly can’t remember where she is, or why.

“Rey?” Kylo turns around, “do you need a doctor or something? You’re being very… off?”

“I’m,” she’s sounding breathless even to herself, “fine. Just fine.”

Kylo’s worried frown turns into a smug smirk. 

“Do you need help with those braids?” not that _tone_ , she can’t handle it.

“Alright,” she tries to sound indifferent, “if you want to.”

✨

He does want to. He could spend every day for the rest of his life unbrading her hair, especially when she looks at him with eyes wide as saucers, and with pink stains blossoming not only over her cheeks, but over what’s showing of her chest too. She sits down on the side of the bed, her back turned towards him, and he thanks the Force and every god there’s ever been, for allowing him to touch her. He can’t fucking _comprehend_ that she’s sitting here, on his ship, in his bed, giving him this most unphantoble honor of releasing her hair from its restraints. She can’t understand the true significance of letting him undo her braids, because if she did, she wouldn’t let him. He probably should fill her in on it, but he doesn’t. Fuck, his fingers are trembling, _again,_ but how could they not? She’s practically shivering, and breathing in shallow breaths, that hitches whenever he accidentally brushes his fingertips against her neck. He clenches his jaw, and forces himself to take it slow, even though he can feel his blood thundering through him. The things he’ll do to her… 

✨ 

Rey can’t _believe_ that she ever thought unbraiding was nothing more but an endearing, and perhaps even a bit childish, Alderaanii ritual. She’s slowly losing her mind, as her locks fall from his hands, one at the time. His Force signature is a storm of want, _need_ , kriffing possession, and something else that's burning even brighter than the rest. Could it be? Does he really..? But why..? He removes his hands from her hair, and she almost lets out a whine in protest. She shifts her weight, and turns to face him. He’s hers. He told her that, didn’t he? Maybe he’d even meant it? Those lips of his part, and he breathes, with eyes wide blown:

“Rey…”

She can’t resist any longer, she basically attacks him, grabbing fistfuls of his hair and crushes her lips against his. He’s hers, and she’s his, and everything else is just static noise. 

✨

Rey sometimes calls Kylo a control freak, and that might be true, he does enjoy taking the lead. That way he can make sure she gets what she needs, without him getting… overexcited. But Rey’s not having it tonight, she seems to be determined to make some kind of point. She kisses him, while leaning her body against him, until he falls backwards down on the bed, pulling her with him. She abandons his mouth, and starts kissing her way down his scar, continuing down his chest, but it isn’t until she starts working on the buttons of his pants that he understands where she’s heading. He’s of course done the same for her plenty of times, but he’s never asked it of _her,_ and he freezes.

“You don’t have to,” he murmurs, trying to prompt her to come back up by tugging at her hand.

“Maybe I want to?” she whispers against his skin.

“No, there’s no need…” his hips betray him, and lifts on their own, allowing her to undress him even further, “truly, I’m good, it’s not necessary…”

Rey lifts her head to face him.

“Please, Supreme leader, relax. I don’t bite,” she scoffs, before returning to his skin, “much.”

Kylo lays his head down, but he’s still not entirely convinced. Rey keeps on peppering him with kisses, traveling lower with each kiss.

“Hey, you _really_ don’t have t—” Kylo gasps, and claws the sheets, “ _fuck!_ ”

✨

They stumble out the door the next morning, a bit late for his first meeting, but Kylo has to return inside to find his comm. Ap’lek is waiting in the hall, and Rey wonders how obvious it is that they’re late because Kylo was determined to return the favor from last night. She clears her throat, and adjusts her tunic, trying not to think about how she’d just, accidentally, drawn blood from Ap’lek’s master’s shoulders. He throws a single glance at her, and sighs. Another door opens, and Trudgen walks out, hand in hand with Stella. Neither of them look as if they’ve slept. Stella turns a shade pinker when she sees the crowded hallway, and tries to smooth her hair down with her free hand. Trudgen is beaming, go figure, and Ap’lek turns his face to the ceiling and mumbles:

“I’m too old for this.”

Kylo’s found his comm, and Trudgen kisses Stella goodbye, before she scurries off. 

“Are we ready?” Ap’lek grunts, slams his mask on, and marches away before he’s gotten an answer.

The meeting is just as boring as the last one, but Rey at least has a fighting chance on concentrating on this one. They’ve made their way through quite a few topics, when a scared assistant opens the door.

“Forgive me,” he mumbles, “but you should turn the HoloNet on.”

Kylo frowns, but gestures to Mitaka to find the remote. A few second passes, and then there’s a holo of kriffing _Arnon_ floating over the massive table.

“... we can’t accept the lies that’s being spread about us,” Arnon’s voice is just as stern as his eyes, “the so-called Supreme leader has framed the Resistance for the attempted murder of his mistress.”

“What’s happening?” Kylo growls.

“It would seem as if… they’ve hijacked the HoloNet frequency,” Salleo mutters.

The Resistance has been trying to overrun the HoloNet frequency for the past few years, wanting to sabotage the First Order’s propaganda machinery, and it looks like Kylo’s latest stand against them gave them the final push to pull it off. This can’t be good.

✨

“We’d no part in that attack, we want to make that very clear. Why would we? Since we’ve this pristine opportunity…”

“Why is he still fucking on?!” Kylo snarls, to no one specific.

“They’re working on it, Supreme leader,” Mitaka squeaks, one hand over his earpiece.

“... we would like to bring some clarity into the mystery that’s been eluding the galaxy for so long. We had no part in the attempted assassination, simple because it’s target was…”

No, no, NO.

“... one of our own. That’s right, the mystery woman that’s carrying Kylo Ren’s lovechild is no other than Rey of Jakku, rebel fighter of the Resistance and Jedi apprentice of Luke Skywalker.”

Kylo stares in disbelief at the holo, along with everyone else in the room. Rey’s looking pale as a sheet, like she’s on the verge of throwing up. 

“Here’s some footage of her… here she is with General Leia Organa… here she’s working on a x-wing… here she’s hugging and dancing with Finn, a former Stormtrooper, turned rebel…”

Kylo watches glimpses of Rey’s former life, and even though this is a disaster of _epic_ proportions, he can’t help but briefly wonder if she misses the Resistance. Would she be happier with them? 

“So, to summarize, before they’ll cut us off; no, we did not try to kill her. Join the Resistance today and fight the—”

The holo flickers out, and the room is more quiet than it's ever been. Not a single one of the masterminds of the Order has anything to contribute with. 

✨

Everything is spinning. What does this _mean_?! Why is everyone in here looking like somebody kriffing _died?!_ Rey tries to catch Kylo’s eye, but he’s left his chair in order to pace the room. Trudgen knocks on her shoulder.

“Let’s go,” he murmurs, “this won’t be pretty.”

Kylo snaps out of his thoughts when he hears Trudgen’s words, and glances at her. He takes a second to make up his mind, before giving Trudgen a short nod as confirmation. Rey and Trudgen leave the room, and the chaos of the Supreme Council erupts as soon as the door closes behind them. She told him they would retaliate, she kriffing _told him._

”Come on, Jedi, let’s get you back to your room,” Trugen murmurs, sounding just as solemn as he’d been during the attack on Naboo, “before anything else turns to shit.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said this fic would be 35 chapters long? Well, here we are! I’m obviously not done yet, but we’re closing in and that’s giving me some major separation anxiety 😂 I love these people now, they’re so very much alive in my head, and I’m desperately trying to find ways to carry on with their story. Like, could Cardo and Rey garden together for five chapters? Does Dr Trudgen need his own HoloNet show? How much further can I embarrass Ap’lek? 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you’ll enjoy the last parts of this story, I’m guessing we’ll be clocking in on maybe... 41? chapters.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good boy sweater-Ben Solo called in sick today, you’ll have to make do with a substitute (spoiler alert, the sub is an unhinged Kylo Ren).

Rey and Trugen meet up with the rest of the boys, save for Ap’lek, who stayed with their master, in their dining room. The knights have never reminded Rey so much of Kylo, as they’re doing right now. They’re pacing, scoffing, cursing, and occasionally slamming a fist into the table or against the wall. 

“Those fucking idiots,” Vicrul snarls, and shoves a chair hard enough to make it fall over.

“Take it easy,” Rey mutters.

“Easy, huh?!” Vicrul shouts, “you never saw yourself! They’re animals!”

“We should’ve shot them when we had the chance,” Cardo agrees. 

“I can’t believe he asked us to spare _them_ ,” Ushar pitches in. 

“It’s fucking disgusting,” even Trudgen loses his cool, “they tried to kill you! We found you halfdead in the fucking dirt, and they still feel entiteld to claim you as _theirs_?!”

“ _One of our own_ ,” Vicrul hisses, “one of their fucking own and they tried to beat her to death! Force, help me, if Kylo won’t let us go and fucking end every single fucking one of them with our bare fucking hands—”

The other boys roar in agreement. Rey can tell by their whirling, crashing, pitch black Force signatures that they aren’t exaggerating, they truly crave the opportunity to end every single member of the Resistance, preferably in a way that _hurts_. She _does_ understand that their lust for blood is severely messed up, but she _also_ understands that this is the boys' way of showing affection, and she tries to choke down a sob. It doesn’t go unnoticed though, and, while the rest of the boys shout their lungs out, Trudgen leans in.

“He’ll sort it out, Jedi, don’t worry.”

“But _how?_ Hux once said I would cause the entire galaxy to burn,” Rey croaks, and hides her face in her hands.

“Hux puts too much faith in you,” Trudgen nudges her shoulder, “it’ll blow over.”

“So you don’t think there’ll be a war?” Rey peaks out through her fingers.

“Oh,” Trudgen shrugs, “it’ll most definitely be at least one war, but we’ll win them.”

“Force, Trudgen,” Rey whimpers, “I don’t want people to die because of _me_.”

✨

Kylo’s never taken part in a more chaotic meeting. He doesn't even try to hear people out, because he knows they’re saying all kinds of shit about Rey, and if he hears it, he will start to rip people apart. No, while the rest of the council is arguing, Kylo tries to find a solution on his own. Losing the Hutt’s isn’t _that_ bad, he's been wanting to get rid of them since the beginning, but on the downside, it’ll be bloodier than he’d intended it to be, but it can’t be helped. Kylo’s confident that he can take the Hutt’s on without too many First Order losses, but there's entire systems who're sided with the Order, with leaders greatly benefiting from the current political situation, and they certainly won’t appreciate the thought of a democratic rebel whispering in the ear of the Supreme leader. Fighting _them_ will definitely cost the First Order, both in credits and in lives, but maybe it won’t come to that, there’s still no one who’s reacted—

“Supreme leader,” Mitaka stutters, “the Hutts demand an explanation.” 

“So does the President of the Kulduf system,” Mitaka’s colleague Crinda squeals, with her hand pressed over her earpiece. 

Fuck.

✨

Every second feels like an hour. How the Force is he supposed to fix this? And what is she supposed to do in the meantime? Just sit on her ass and _wait_? The HoloNet is back on, as if nothing happened, showing reruns of old holoshows, as they usually do this time of day. The boys have calmed down, a bit at least, and they’re staring at the holo, trying to pass the time. Rey’s too unsettled to even try to watch it, she’s nervously pacing the room. _She’s_ the one who acts like Kylo all of a sudden, and she can’t help wondering what’s going on down in that meeting room. Can he really sort this out? Is he even _safe_? 

“Do you reckon he’s alright?” she calls out.

“Of course he’s alright,” Vicrul murmurs, “he’s the most powerful Force user in the galaxy.”

Rey clears her throat.

“Right alongside you,” Vicrul adds, “miss.”

“It still doesn’t feel right to just… leave it to him.”

“There’s nothing you can do, really,” Ushar mutters, transfixed by their holoshow, “it is what it is.”

No, there’s not much she can do. Kylo is down there, trying to keep the galaxy in one piece, just as his parents did before him, and quite a few of his grandparents too. Rey on the other hand, has little to contribute with. She’s pretty much the same desert rat as she’d been back on Jakku. If somebody had told her, back in her AT-AT, that she’d soon find herself in the middle of a galactic conflict, she would’ve called that person _insane_ , since she’d no intention of ever leaving her outpost, and risk missing her parents’ return. _The belonging you seek is not behind you,_ Maz Kanata’s voice echoes through her mind, _it’s ahead_. Rey hasn’t thought about Maz’ words in a long time, she’d always figured the tiny woman had been talking about the Resistance but… what if she hadn’t? What if Rey could have a chance at belonging, _and_ to make a true difference to the millions of little Reys’ and little Trudgens’ that’s still out there, struggling to survive?

“I need to get back to the meeting room,” Rey announces.

“Huh?”

“There _is_ something I can do.”

✨

“Supreme leader!” Hux cries out, and Kylo lifts his gaze, and finds the General just as worked up as he always is.

“Yes, Hux?”

“You haven’t said a thing for the last _hour!_ What are you planning on?”

Plans? Oh, to have one.

“I think…” Kylo murmurs slowly, “we shouldn’t do anything rash.”

“The Hutt’s are prepared to break our agreement!”

“Let them.”

“We _must_ show strength!”

“Unless they attack us first, we’ll wait. They’ll realize they’re the ones who’ll suffer without our support.”

“ _Wait_?! Fucking wait?!” Hux is beet red, “she’s turned your head!”

“Are you talking about _her_ again?” Kylo growls.

”Someone has to! It all boils down to _her!_ If you’d just listened to me, and gotten rid of her—”

Kylo’s fist slams down onto the table.

“I’ll _never_ get rid of her. I rather line every single person on this entire ship up, and cut them down one by one, than get rid of _her!_ ”

Dark tendrils pull at him, claws in his chest, and demands to be released, in a way he hasn’t experienced since his days under Snoke. 

“We’ve noticed! The welfare of the galaxy became the last of your priorities, as soon as you knocked that fucking Jedi up!”

Kylo’s been keeping Hux around for his experience, and strategic expertise, but he could probably manage without him, because Kylo obviously can’t accept this kind of behavior. Speaking of strategy… Does Hux honestly believe that Kylo would pay _more_ attention to his duties if Rey wasn’t around? Doesn’t he realize that if she wasn’t here, Kylo would spend the rest of his days searching for her? But what if Hux isn’t just talking about getting her off the ship? Is the daft idiot implying that he should get rid of her _for good?_ Hux actually wants her fucking _dead_?

“You,” Kylo’s eyes snap towards Hux, and the General turns even paler than he usually is, “what the _fuck_ did you do?”

Kylo rips into Hux’s mind, harsher than strictly necessary, ignoring the man’s cries of pain. Everyone else in the room sits still as statues in their seats, watching the scene with eyes wide in horror. Kylo riffles through countless useless memories, but he ignores all of them, until he finds what he’s looking for. Hux, a disgusting bar somewhere, a rugged man, credits changing hands with the promise of more, a handshake. The window between the meeting room and the hallway explodes into a million pieces, showering the people sitting closest to it in a rain of splinters. To their credit, they hardly even flinch, even though some of them end up bleeding. Hux is standing up, shaking ever so slightly, but he’s still holding his head high. That fucking traitorous Banthashiteating son of a bitch...

“What the kriff is going on here?”

✨

Rey walks into the room, and it’s not _too_ hard to guess what’s going on, considering the trembling, but defiant Hux, the heaps of broken glass, and Kylo’s Force signature. It feels darker than it has in a very long time, but Rey isn’t scared he won’t come back from it. She’s started to realize that the dark can feed off love, just as easily as it can feed off hate or fear, and Kylo’s darkness draws its power from his desperate, fierce need to protect. Rey might be, if she’s truly honest, a tiny bit flattered that nothing, but threats against _her_ safety, is enough to turn Ben Solo straight back into the deepest of darkness. Hux snaps his face away from Kylo, over to her, and it distorts into a wicked scowl.

“Here she is,” Hux growls, “the whore who’ll put an end to the First Order glorious reign.”

Hux pulls up his blaster, moving quicker than Rey expected him to, and he pulls the trigger without a second's hesitation. Rey doesn’t have the time to react, she just shuts her eyes and waits for the bolt to rip through her. It doesn’t however, it’s just hovering in the air, a hair’s breadth from her chest, close enough for her to feel its radiating heat. Kylo’s arm is outstretched in front of him. Rey can almost taste the darkness that’s coursing through every fiber of him, but he still finds it within him to turn to her with the unspoken question. She could ask Kylo to do anything, right in this second, and he wouldn’t hesitate. It’s tempting, it really is, she could have him hurt that scumbag in _so_ many ways, but somebody needs to act like a kriffing grown up. Rey turns her face back to Hux, who’s staring at the vibrating bolt hanging in front of her. Rey catches the General’s eye, she wants him to know that it was this _whore_ who saved him from a much, _much_ worse fate. She squints at the man, keeping eye contact through it all, and nods. The millisecond Rey’s head starts to move towards the floor, Kylo releases the bolt, and it hits Hux just above his heart. Kylo doesn’t stop to watch Hux fall, he’s already lurching towards her, with eyes burning. He grabs her by her upper arms as he reaches her, squeezing harder than he probably intends to.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fin—”

“You’re fucking _not_!” Kylo exclaims, his eyes fixed at her chest.

An angry red scorch mark, perfectly circular, is blooming straight over her sternum. It doesn’t even hurt, but Kylo stares at it as if she’s mortally wounded. 

“It’s nothing,” but he doesn’t listen.

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbles, “I should’ve been quicker, I should’ve—”

“Please stop,” Rey tells him, firmly, “he was standing five feet away from me, there’s no way you could’ve been any quicker. I’m alive, and I’ve something to announce.” 

“In a minute,” Kylo lets go of her, and faces his council once more, his face stern, “was any of you in on the conspiracy, together with Hux?”

Every head in the room shakes violently from side to side, but Kylo doesn’t take their word for it. Rey sighs deeply, when a startled cry from one of his officers brings her the realization that Kylo’s planning on searching through every present mind. 

✨

It definitely takes more than a minute. He’s careless and sloppy, as he plows his way through more than twenty minds. They whimper and begs him to stop, when he shuffles through their memories, but he couldn’t care less. Most of them have a neutral, or even positive, attitude towards Rey, but some of the higher ups have thought, and said, horrible things about her. Horrible thoughts, but they haven’t participated in any scheming to have her put down like a kriffing animal. Their horrid thoughts infuriates Kylo, and while he decides that they may live, he still wants them to understand the gravity of disrespecting Rey. So, he Force-tricks those he thinks deserves it, forcing them to fold themselves in two, and slam their faces into the table. Each one hits the tabletop with a sickening _crack_.

“Are you quite done?” Rey asks, in a bored tone.

Kylo’s chest is heaving, and sweat trickles from his forehead. He looks around the room, some of his subjects are staring blindly straight ahead, others are crying, maybe because he pulled all of their humiliating secrets and childhood traumas up to the surface. The ones he tricked into breaking their own faces are desperately trying to stop their noses from bleeding. Kylo shoves his hair out of his face, and squares his shoulders.

“I’m done.”

“Great,” Rey scoffs, “I need you to put me on air.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve pondered so hard over what Kylo would do, since he’s pretty redeemed in this story, when he found out about Hux. Maybe I lack imagination, because I couldn’t see him doing anything else than turn full on dark when somebody threatens those he loves. I hope you follow my line of thought 😬
> 
> All of your lovely comments truly warms my heart. I can’t even begin to explain how happy it makes me that _anyone_ is reading this, and the fact that hundreds of you has chosen to be notified as soon as I hit post is kriffing unreal. Thank you, thank you, thank you ❤️


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m always nervous to post, but I’m so ridiculously nervous to post this one.
> 
> And I’m, as usual, not paying my respects to the lore. I’m just making up my own to have it fit with my story 😅
> 
> Aaaaand, we have a chapters count now 😱

“No,” Kylo states.

“I wasn’t asking,” Rey responds.

“I said _no_.”

“And I said _yes_.”

Jan Salleo, head of the Department of Intelligence, and one of the few in the room with a high rank _and_ an intact nose, raises a shaking hand.

“Forgive me, sir,” the man says tentatively, “but I think we might benefit from an on air-statement. Especially if it comes from her.”

Rey looks triumphant, she knows she’s already won the argument.

“What would you say?” Kylo sighs.

“I don’t know, I need someone to help me write it,” Kylo opens his mouth, “ _not_ you. Who helps you with your speeches?”

“Before Faubuth it was Umma, but now… I guess you’ll have to make due with Mitaka.”

Mitaka stiffens when he hears his name, and looks up. 

“Excellent,” Rey beams at the trembling lieutenant, “have someone else prepare the shoot. In two hours?”

“Excuse me,” Trudgen breaks in, “what are you planning on wearing?”

Rey frowns and gestures at her outfit, consisting of her regular leggings, wraparound tunic and arm guards.

“No,” Trudgen shakes his head, “no way. We’ll have her ready in _three_ hours.”

“ _Fine,”_ Rey huffs, “boys, will you take your master to a training hall and kick his ass a little bit? He needs to blow off some steam.”

She talks about him as if he’s an unruly dog who hasn’t been walked for days. Kylo squints at her, he’s not having _that_ attitude, but she’s already turned on her heel to go get ready, with Trudgen and Mitaka in tow.

“Oh, boys!” Rey shouts over her shoulder, “Try to avoid his face, I need him to look decent.”

✨

When they left Naboo after the assassination attempt, Rey’d been in a rather pissy mood, and she hadn’t packed as much as she’d just shoved every garment from her drawer into a bag. A bag she hasn’t unpacked since she got back, because she never uses most of those garments anyway. The Nabooian fashion with their sheer fabrics and flimsy dresses doesn’t really feel like _her_ , and don’t even get her started on the velvet stuff, because those pieces terrify her with their seriousness. To her horror, Trudgen seems to be determined to put her into something velvety, since he’s ignoring everything else in the bag.

“Nothing black,” Rey tells him, “I’m not his clone.”

“It would make an astonishing visual effect, to have you both in black,” Trudgen tries to convince her.

“Nothing black.”

“ _Fine_. Go shower, and I’ll pick something.”

Mitaka sits in one of her armchairs, with his brows tightly knit, trying to piece Rey’s incoherent thoughts into an actual speech. His concentration is palpable. Rey scurries off to the fresher, with butterflies the size of rancors tumbling around in her stomach. Force, help her to get through this day.

✨

To Kylo’s great annoyance, he actually _does_ feel better after a standard hour of trying to survive the onslaught of five other men. Kuruk gets a little carried away, and is half a second away from slamming his forehead against Kylo’s nose, when Ap’lek Force-pushes Kuruk backwards.

“Rey told you to keep his face out of this,” Ap’lek grunts. 

“Yes, sorry, boss,” Kuruk mumbles to Kylo.

“Yeah… I guess I should go and get ready…” Kylo mutters, suddenly feeling _very_ nervous.

What the fuck is she planning on saying?

✨

“I’m not wearing that.”

“You _are_ ,” Trudgen insists, “trust me, nobody will care what the fuck you say as long as you look the part.” 

Stella’s joined them, apparently she’ll be doing Rey’s makeup. 

“I agree with Trudgen,” Stella pitches in, “you have to make an undeniably royal impression.”

“No pressure,” Rey grits under her breath. 

They help her into the ridiculous amount of fabric, and force her to sit down, right next to Mitaka, who’s testing the speech by reading it out loud. Trudgen and Stella stare at her face, with concerned expressions.

“What are you thinking?” Stella asks Trudgen, as if Rey isn’t even there.

“It should be dramatic, right?” Trudgen mumbles, “She needs to look unapologetic.”

“Yeah,” Stella agrees, still staring intensely at Rey’s face, “I think I got it.”

Stella begins with covering the scorch mark at Rey’s chest. She uses a paste in the same color as Rey’s skin, and Rey hisses when it’s brushed on.

“It stings,” Rey whines.

“Stop being a cry baby,” Trudgen scoffs, “it’s not Stella’s fault you can’t walk two feet without having someone trying to kill you.”

Stella paints Rey’s face _forever,_ but she eventually seems to become satisfied.

“What do you think?” she asks Trudgen.

“You did good,” Trudgen beams, and squeezes Stella’s shoulder.

“And her hair?” Stella gestures at Rey’s loose ponytail.

“ _We_ aren’t touching her hair.”

✨

Kylo and the boys are waiting in an anteroom to the massive hall Hux used for his HoloNet performances. Kylo showered, picked a brand new tunic with a matching cloak (well, all of his clothes match, obviously), and a HoloNet assistant has powdered his face, and that’s sort of it. He’s sure Rey didn’t get away so easily. Kylo nervously pacing the room, where the fuck is she? They’re going live in 25 standard minutes, and he still doesn’t have a clue of what she’s going to say. Just as he’s about to go and look for her, Trudgen barges in.

“Let me introduce,” he grins, and gestures behind him, “the scavenger slash Jedi slash rebel fighter, Rey of Jakku.”

Rey hesitantly steps inside, clearly feeling a bit out of her comfort zone, but _holy fuck,_ she’s looking kriffing celestial. She’s wearing a midnight blue form fitted velvet gown, with sparkling stones climbing up from the hem, creating a pattern that resembles flames, or perhaps it’s supposed to look like massive feathers. The sleeves split in two, and gives the impression that she’s wearing a heavy cape in the same fabric as the dress. The dress hugs her bump, and there's certainly no question of whether she’s pregnant or not, she might as well be one of those ancient goddesses of fertility that the Alderanii people used to worship. Her skin looks smoother than ever, but her features are sharper, her eyes emphasized by some kind of blackish makeup, and with lips as red as blood. 

“Do I look stupid?” Rey squeaks. 

“No, no, no,” Kylo stutters, “you look… regal.”

“Excellent,” Trudgen performs a mock bow, “we saved her hair for you, boss.”

”Huh? Yes, of course,” Kylo hesitates for a second, “but what am I supposed to do with it?” 

Kylo can’t for the life of him remember a single braid, he’s mind is completely blank. He stares at Rey, and he knows he needs to give her a braid worthy of a queen, within fifteen minutes, but there’s just _nothing._

“Forgive me, master,” Ap’lek says, “but what about that one, the _divine femininity_?”

”Yes,” Kylo breathes out, ”thank you, Ap’lek.”

✨

Kylo’s braiding her hair with unbelievably quick hands.

“What does it mean, the divinity yada-yada?” Rey asks, trying to focus on something else than the fact that she’s about to stand in front of the entire galaxy.

“The Alderaanii believed women were sacred, and this braid is a show of feminine power,” Kylo rambles, “it’s used whenever a woman wants to remind everyone of her superiority. Leia used to wear it after a fight with Han. It’s a common hairstyle during labor, too.”

“They had time to braid their hair during _labor_?” 

“Braids were kind of essential to the Alderaanii, so yes.”

“Right.” 

Kylo works under silence for a few minutes.

“Hey,” he mumbles, “you don’t have to do this.”

“Well,” Rey mutters, “they tried to get to _you_ through _me_ , fully aware that you’d be forced to use the military, and that countless people would die because of it. I’d say I _do_ have to do this.”

Kylo finishes her hair, and Rey runs her hands over it. She can feel that there’s four braids braided tightly to her scalp, running back to her neck, where they merge together into a knot. She turns to face Kylo.

“But,” she mumbles, “tell me one thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Does your offer still stand?”

“What offer?”

“To join you.”

Kylo frowns.

“Of course,” he responds, as if she’s crazy for even asking.

“And you’ll listen to me?”

“Yes.”

“Even when I try to radicalize you?”

“I do hope that’s not what you’re planning on saying.”

“Of course not,” Rey huffs, “but in the long run, will you be prepared to at least consider other options?”

“I…” Kylo searches her face, “I guess I will?”

“Okay—”

“We’re ready for you now, Supreme leader,” the HoloNet assistant announces from the door. 

Oh, kriff, _she_ is so not ready for this.

✨

Kylo offers Rey his arm, and she sticks her hand in the crook of it. They walk towards the assistant, when Rey suddenly stops. 

“Rey..?”

“The boys,” Rey states, “they need to come too. I’m going to show them who I consider to be _my_ _own_.”

Kylo gestures to the boys to come along, and Trudgen shares a discreet fist bump with Rey. Okay, so this is it. Kylo arranges his face into the familiar mask less mask he’s worn so many times before. They walk into the massive room next door, and make a turn to the left, to face the holocamera, and it’s operator, heads on. Apparently, this will give the impression that Kylo, Rey and the boys are walking straight into the viewers’ living rooms. The assistant positions herself next to the cameraman, and holds up five fingers in the air. Four. Three. Two. One. Kylo peeks at Rey from the corner of his eye, and then they’re off. They slowly march closer to the camera, coming to a halt a few feet away from it. The boys line up behind them, and Kylo supposes six knights, in full gear, is a backdrop as good as any. Right, he’s supposed to go first.

“Members of the galaxy, I’m Supreme leader Kylo Ren. I’d like to introduce you to Rey,” he gestures at Rey.

Rey looks petrified for a second, but she takes a deep breath. Kylo can tell she’s drawing power from the Force to steady her voice, and she tilts her chin up.

“I’m Rey of Jakku,” Rey begins, “and I’m standing before you because there was an attempt to undermine the Supreme leader’s credibility, by outing parts of _my_ background. I was born a slave, and I used to spend my life scavenging. Two years ago, I ended up with the Resistance, by coincidence one might say, but I now know it was the will of the Force. The Force had been slumbering within me, and it wasn’t until I met the Supreme leader for the first time that it truly awakened. I did indeed train under Jedi master Luke Skywalker, for a brief period of time, and I believed the purpose of my newfound powers was to challenge Snoke and Kylo Ren.”

Kylo grows stiff, where the fuck is she going with this?

“But the Force works in mysterious ways, and it connected me with the Supreme leader, across the stars, and it pushed us together, no matter our differences. Yes, I once rebelled against his reign, but I no longer believe that the purpose of my powers is to challenge him. I’m convinced the Supreme leader and I connected for a reason, and that reason is to balance each other out, to make each other _better_. Since we connected, and Kylo Ren became Supreme leader, there has been no major armed conflicts. He's dedicated himself to provide true order, and the galaxy is experiencing a fragile stability for the first time in many years.”

Kylo realizes he’s stopped breathing all together, and inhales sharply.

“It took a long time for me to get to this point, to accept that there’s more than one way of doing things, that the important thing is the end result, and not how you get there. I realized I could trust this man with my life a long time ago, and I’m here today to tell you I also trust him with our galaxy. I stand by him, even though my background tells me I shouldn’t.”

Kylo needs another sharp intake of breath. Rey looks calm and collected, but her tiny hand is cutting off the circulation in his arm.

“Our galaxy has been torn apart too many times already, and we want nothing more for our child, and for children everywhere, than to be able to grow up in peace. The last galactic war left a trail of broken families behind. I grew up alone, without a home, and I’ve spent my entire life searching for my family, but I never did find it. I’ve found a new one though, in _them_ ,” Rey turns to look at the boys, and Kylo’s having a hard time keeping his face motionless, “and,” Rey’s voice wavers for the first time during the speech, “I found,” Rey swallows, “a home,” she glances at Kylo, but she can’t really meet his eyes, “in _him_.”

Kylo forgets the camera, he’s now staring at Rey. She’s just saying this to help him stabilize things, right? She can’t actually _mean_ it? 

“My allegiance lies with the Supreme leader, and with the galaxy,” Rey states firmly, her voice once again strong and clear.

It sounds like the end of her speech, but Rey’s face breaks into a mischievous grin.

“And, since I’m up here addressing rumors about myself,” the horrified look on the assistant’s face tells Kylo this isn’t part of the script, “I’d like to deny the rumor that’s been around the longest. I’m _not_ married to the Supreme leader, simply because, he hasn’t asked.”

✨

“Well done,” the cameraman says, giving her a thumbs up.

Rey’s shaking. She might pass out any second, really. Kylo steps in front of her, snaking a hand behind her neck.

“Did you mean it?” he rumbles.

“Huh? What part?”

“All of it.”

“I meant it.”

Kylo smiles faintly, before turning somber again. 

“But... _why_?”

“It just is what it is,” Rey whispers, her heart beating a billion beats per minute, “and I love you.”

Kylo kisses her almost aggressively. Rey melts into it, craving it, needing every single piece of him, her hands finds their way into his hair, she could—

“Could you please, _please_ ,” Ap’lek groans, “wait until we’ve gotten out of here?”

Kylo pulls back, grinning from ear to ear, with her lipstick smeared all over of his face. It’s hard to believe this dork of a man mercilessly ripped through two dozen minds just this morning, in order to keep her safe. Rey’s a bit breathless and flustered, she’d completely forgotten about the other people in the room. Kylo suddenly falls to the floor, getting on one knee, with one of her hands in both of his.

“Will you, Rey of Jakku,” he stutters, “marry me?”

“I,” Rey won’t survive this, “will. _Yes_.”

The boys whacks their gloved hands together, and Trudgen howls over the noise:

“It’s about time, boss! I thought you’d never ask!”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaaah what did I dooooo?!?!?!!! Even though Rey will be Kylo’s equal, the purpose of this speech was to smooth things over with the less sympathetic people of the galaxy, which is why she’s focuses on expressing her support of him. Both Rey and Kylo know they’ll f*ck those people over eventually, in order to end slavery etc etc, but they’d like it to happen on their own terms, and in an orderly manner 😅
> 
> Visuals, because we love them:  
> [Braid.](https://pin.it/1POB0pJ) Rey wore the same one in my other fic, but in that one it was Leia who braided it. Guess who undid it?
> 
> [Dress.](https://pin.it/32MUZHx) But clearly a maternity version of it. The Nabooians’ love of velvet might be the only thing that’s actually canon in this fic.
> 
> I had to sit on my hands not to put her in glorious sith gown, I do love me some Dark Rey, but _this_ version of Rey would like to keep her individuality.
> 
> Annnnnd (this is the longest note ever) I’m so happy I finally got Rey to call Ben her home. She hasn’t said, or thought, that word during this whole fic, the house on Naboo has always been just ‘the house’, because I wanted it to really matter when she did say it.


	38. Chapter 38

Rey finds becoming one of the galaxy’s most important people to be a whole lot easier than she’d ever expected. It might have something to do with General Hux’s untimely death, but ever since Rey’s speech everyone on the Finalizer behaves as if she’s royalty, and Rey has to try really hard not to let it get to her head. She’s still determined to change the First Order at its core, but she is, to be honest, quite enjoying herself. Watching Kylo do his thing is borderline intoxicating, he’s introducing her to kriffing _everyone_ with a fierce certainty, and _no one_ dares to question his decision to share his ultimate power with a scavenger from nowhere. Most of the leader’s seem happy to pretend they never sent any threats of breaking free from the Order, and Kylo and Rey join their charade. This is not the time for massive negotiations regarding slavery, healthcare or the general welfare of the affected systems, no, this is the time to establish her as Kylo Ren’s equal, and to show her dedication to the First Order. The last part is a tough pill to swallow, but Rey manages, mostly because of Kylo, who’s overjoyed by the prospect of not having to run everything on his own. They’ve spent the last days in endless meetings, and when Rey can’t take it anymore, Kylo sends her off to finish the day’s work by himself, each time with a kriffing _thank you_. She guesses it must have been rather lonely, at the top. She eats dinner with the boys, stumbles into their room afterwards, and Trudgen has made a habit to come over and watch the evening news with her. The HoloNet isn’t completely under the Order’s control, but they obviously have them in a leash short enough to be able to force them into covering the politics first, and during the first two days after her speech the HoloNet analyses it into pieces. They’ve had expert after expert giving their thoughts on how her joining the Order will reshape the political landscape of the galaxy, and what it means for the economy, but now, on day three, it seems to be time for the stuff the galaxy’s been waiting for. Two ladies, in very heavy makeup, can hardly contain their excitement as they greet their viewers with the promise of a deep dive into the fashion, the pregnancy, the knights, and, above else, the _emotions._ The holo cuts to the shot where Rey, Kylo and the boys walk towards the camera.

”Our new Supreme leader, Rey of Jakku, wore an exquisite dark blue gown,” one of the ladies comments, “and we’ve got confirmation that it _is_ indeed from Naboo.”

“A most fitting tribute to the couple’s favorite destination, is it not?” the second woman cuts in.

“Yes, you’re absolutely correct, and what a splendid dress it was! One might have thought she would’ve gone with something black, or perhaps red, but I do have a feeling that Rey of Jakku won’t stand in her non-husband’s shadow.”

“They got that right,” Rey snorts.

“Hush,” Trudgen wheezes, with his eyes locked on the holo.

“And the hair, Gretza, what do we know about her hair?”

“ _That’s_ almost the most exciting part of her entire look, we had to call an expert on the subject, who told us that she’s wearing Alderaanii braids. These particular braids are a show of _feminine power_.”

“She truly radiated power! But what ties could she have to Alderaan?”

“Well, Thea, rumor has it, _she_ isn’t the one with an Alderaanii heritage…”

“Could it be… _him_?” 

“ _And,_ do you know who braided the women of Alderaan’s hair?” Gretza sounds like she’s about to burst.

“No?”

“Their _husbands._ ”

“No way!” Thea gasps, “are you telling me Supreme leader Kylo Ren braided her hair _himself_?!”

Rey scoffs, but she’s also weirdly fuzzy inside. She’d like to tell these two ladies that he braids her hair everyday. And unbraids them too, normally, when he doesn’t have to work impossibly long hours. Force, how she longs for his fingers in her hair… 

“But we must talk about Supreme leader Rey of Jakku’s way of ending the speech,” Gretza stresses, “what do you make of it?”

“It was clearly a tongue-in-cheek kind of way of asking him to propose, don’t you think?”

“Yes, yes, she can’t have meant anything else… do you recon he's _done it?_ ”

Rey drifts off, weary to the bone after another day of meetings, and she ends up missing almost the entire show. Trudgen shakes her shoulder after it’s over, and orders her to bed, but not without informing her that Gretza and Thea had named _him_ the most handsome out of all of the knights. 

“And, you know, Kylo is a knight too,” Trudgen smirks.

“I’m sure Stella agrees anyway,” Rey smiles smugly, “say hi to her, from me.”

“I’m not seeing her tonight,” Trudgen objects.

“As if, Trudgen! The two of you are practically joined by the hip by now.”

“We’re not!”

“I remember a speech you gave me once, on how your dick is like the Force, impossible to contain… that it has to roam freely, without getting tied down…”

“Shut up, _Jedi._ ”

“Yet here we are, the two of you, like two porgs sitting in a tree…”

“I’m out of here. ‘Night, Jedi scum,” Trudgen huffs, and Rey’s actually managed the impossible task of making _Trudgen_ blush _._

“Good night,” Rey chirps, “don’t forget to tell her hi!”

✨

  
  


Things Kylo Ren would like to spend his days doing: having sex with Rey, shag her, hit _that,_ make ridiculously sappy love to her, bone her, in short; fuck her in every thinkable way, position and angle (even though the options are rather limited by now), _but_ he’s not doing any of those things. The downside of proposing to someone in the middle of a complete political crisis is that someone needs to sort said crisis out, and that someone is unfortunately Kylo, well, he supposes it's Rey now too. They’ve spent the last five days in Holomeetings, introducing her to their allies, and reassuring them of her devotion. Rey had almost gagged the first time she swore her loyalty to the Order, but by now it’s a well rehearsed act, and she effortlessly lays leader after leader, from system after system, at her feet, just as he knew she would. Watching Rey wield the power she’s always deserved doesn’t help Kylo with his _itch_ one bit, but the galaxy takes no pity in him. He and Rey have hardly had the time to speak a word to each other since her speech, and they _definitely_ haven't done anything else, since Rey withdraws a few hours before him each night, and she’s always sound asleep when he gets back. Five days as engaged and he hasn’t seen her naked _once_. The frustration is almost enough for him to abandon diplomacy _,_ and just go to war instead. 

✨

“Ben?” Rey mumbles, as he shuffles into bed.

“Yeah?”

“I can’t wait until I get back to Naboo.”

“Two more days, then I’ll put you on maternity leave.”

“It sounds glorious.”

Kylo tries to say something else, but she’s already falling back to sleep.

✨

_Seven_ days. Kylo is prepared to do just about anything to get to be alone with Rey, preferably while she’s awake, and he’s decided that _he_ deserves a few days of maternity leave too. His council doesn’t agree, but that’s one of the perks of being Supreme leader, their opinions are just that, opinions, and Kylo is free to throw their advice through the airlock. The Finalizer has cruised to Naboo, and will stay in orbit until Kylo and Rey say otherwise. The queen of Naboo hadn’t been all too pleased to learn that she was about to have a Star Destroyer hovering over her planet for an indefinite period of time, but the sudden galactic surge for Nabooian fashion smoothed things over. 

“We’re ready for take off, sir,” Kuruk tells him, over his wrist comm.

“I’ll be right there.”

Kylo’s almost skipping down the hallways, as he races for the hangar. The Night Buzzard awaits him with the landing ramp open, and Kylo barks his final orders to his wrist, comming Mitaka, before boarding the craft in two long strides. 

✨

The trip to Naboo lasts about 80 standard minutes, and Kylo’s had someone to finish the work on their new landing pad. They land on the cliff above her house, and walk down the stairs, past the ledge with the kitchen garden. Kylo is all but dragging her into the house, ignoring the boys’ futile attempts to embarrass him. The doors slam shut behind them, and they’re _finally_ alone. 

“Supreme leader,” Kylo purrs, and traces her jaw line with his thumb.

“ _Supreme leader,_ ” Rey responds, and grabs a fistful of his tunic, pulling him closer. 

“I still think you should’ve gone with ‘ _empress’_.”

“It wouldn't match your…” Rey gasps, as his teeth graze the skin under her ear, “title.”

“You’re _my_ empress, anyway,” he murmurs, his breath hot against her skin.

“Does that mean you’re under my command?” 

“Haven’t I always been, _scavenger_?”

“Stop talking, then,” Rey struggles to form actual words, as Kylo’s mouth starts to wander down the neckline of her tunic, “and take me to bed.”

Kylo doesn’t need to be told twice. 

✨

Kylo would recognize the sound of that ship anywhere, even when he’s dozing off, basking in afterglow. The engines sound like they’re about to fall apart at any second, and also like home. He once again slams his head against the ridiculously low ceiling, as he tries to scramble back into his clothes.

“Fuck,” he mutters.

“You need to be careful, you’ll give yourself a concussion.”

“Or maybe I’ll pass out, meaning I won’t have to see my kriffing _mother._ ”

“You’ll behave, right?”

“If _she_ behaves.”

“You’re nervous,” Rey grins, and it isn’t a question.

“Kriff off, Jedi.”

“Help me up, and we’ll go meet her together.”

Kylo gives Rey a hand, picks up her garments for her, and sits down on the sofa to watch her struggle with her clothes. He doesn’t dare to laugh, or even smile, but Force, she does look a tiny bit hilarious as she ungracefully tries to shuffle her bump into a pair of leggings. They head out to the courtyard together, just in time to watch the Falcon land. Rey grabs his hand as the ramp unfolds, and Leia comes walking out.

“Are you just going to stand here?!” Kuruk exclaims.

“Yes..?”

“You’ve no manners Solo, no manners!”

“Hey, that’s not my—” but Kuruk’s already halfway up the stairs, “name…”

“It kind of is,” Rey smirks.

“Didn’t I tell you to kriff off?”

“You did, yes, I didn’t care.”

Rey gives his hand a squeeze, and bumps her head softly against his shoulder. Leia is being escorted down the stairs by a _very_ attentive Kuruk, who’s beaming with joy, quite possibly because of Leia’s small hand in the crook of his arm. Leia doesn’t look entirely displeased either, to Kylo’s intense horror. 

”Hi, kids,” Leia smiles.

“General!” Rey releases Kylo and rushes straight into Leia’s open arms.

“Mother,” Kylo grunts. 

” _Be_ _nice_ ,” Kuruk mouths silently behind Leia’s back.

“I’m sorry, but Chewie isn’t ready to meet you yet,” Leia nods to Kylo, “and Poe isn’t ready to meet you,” Leia pats Rey’s shoulder, “but they both say hi.”

“ _Poe’s_ with you?” Rey huffs.

“Yes, child, but let's talk about that later. I want a word with my soon first.”

The Falcon takes off again, and Leia grabs Kylo’s upper arm, with more strength than he’s expected.

“Walk with me,” Leia orders, and Kylo obliges.

There’s not a whole lot of places to walk though, so they end up just standing out on the jetty. 

“It _is_ truly breathtaking here, Ben.”

Kylo nods, and stares out over the water. Here she is. His mother. It’s been years and years since they shared the same space, he doesn’t really count their brief encounter after the attack on Rey, and he doesn’t know what to say, or how to act.

“You love her,” Leia states, and squints at him.

“Of course,” Kylo mutters.

“I never thought she’d accept sharing your position…”

“Well, she did.”

“You need to promise me you’ll take care of her. And don’t let her light burn out.”

“I’ve no intentions of turning her, if that’s what you're talking about.”

“I suppose it is.”

“Haven’t I showed that I’m _not_ Snoke? Can you deny there’s a new sense of calm throughout the galaxy?”

“It _is_ calmer, but at what cost?”

“I ask you to be patient.”

“I don’t have much of a choice, do I? I’m a General of nothing.”

“Are you looking for a new job?” Kylo brushes his hair down, making sure his ears are out of sight.

“Huh?”

“Since Rey’s going to be working too, we’ll need a nanny.”

“Ben,” Leia’s eyes grow big as plates, “are you sure?”

“Rey misses you, and I guess you’ll have a harder time starting a new rebellion from here,” Kylo tries to shrug casually, but fails.

Leia wraps her arms around him, and starts to cry into his tunic.

“I’m so, _so_ sorry! We should’ve done so many things differently,” she sobs, while Kylo awkwardly pats her back.

“It is what it is,” Kylo murmurs, “and… I’m sorry too.”

✨

Kylo and his mother return, and Leia’s eyes are suspiciously red and puffy.

“Did he make her _cry_?” Kuruk grits through his teeth.

“Easy, Leia can handle herself,” Rey shoots back through the corner of her mouth.

Leia asks her to join her for a chat, and they head for Rey’s porch. Rey’s heart somersaults as she sits down in _her_ chair, on _her_ porch, by _her_ house. 

“About Poe,” Leia’s never been one for small talk, “he came to us on Kashyyyk straight after the attack on Faubuth.”

“Have you forgiven him?”

“Yes.”

“But _how_?” Rey frowns.

“You’re hardly one to talk,” Leia smirks, “what hasn't love made _you_ forgive?”

“It’s not the same…”

“It is. Poe has been like a son to me, and you know I don’t give up on my sons’ easily.”

“I still can’t believe he ratted you out.”

“I can’t believe you abandoned our ideals,” Leia scolds her softly.

“I haven’t. I just realized there might be better ways to change things than blowing people up.”

“That’s _not_ what we did.”

“Sometimes it _was._ Besides, Kylo knows I don’t want this for the rest of our lives, and neither does he. But we can’t just change everything overnight.”

“I’m happy you’re still a rebel at heart,” Leia grins, “but his name is _Ben._ ”

“I think I’ve earned the right to call him whatever I want,” Rey responds, perhaps a bit too firmly.

“I’m not used to hearing someone say _Kylo_ as anything other than a curse.”

“It’s just a name. And all of the knights of Ren choose new names for themselves, it’s not just Kylo.”

“All of them?” 

“Yeah.”

“Kuruk!” Leia shouts, and he magically appears around the corner, “Kuruk, dearest, what was your birth name?”

The knight turns four shades pinker, and he stares at the ground while answering.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that?” 

“It’s,” Kuruk sighs deeply, “it’s _Bob,_ ma’am.”

✨

They eat in the middle of the night, on the courtyard that Leia has littered with candles, since no one is adjusted to the day cycle of Naboo. Cardo has cooked a sublime dinner, to the new kitchen droid’s dismay. It didn’t stop bothering Cardo until the knight promised he was soon to return to the Finalizer, and even then, the droid insisted on making dessert. They eat, and Leia doesn’t seem to be overly concerned with the fact she’s practically dining with the enemy. Kylo supposes she’s just as confused as he is, but she doesn’t show it, she’s just slipped right back into her polished diplomatic mode. Rey gets up to help the droid cleaning off the table (she doesn’t care for Kylo’s objections), but she only manages to take one step before stopping, and almost folds in two. She steadies herself against the back of Trudgen’s chair.

“Rey? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Rey smiles a tense smile, “I’ve just been having these annoying false contractions, it’s nothing.”

Leia frowns, and gets up from her chair.

“How often do you have them?”

“A couple of times per hour?” Rey responds with a brittle voice.

“And they hurt?” Leia stresses.

“Yes.”

“Then they aren’t false. You’re in labor.”

“No,” Rey gasps.

“No,” Kylo agrees, “she has three weeks to go.”

“The past weeks must have been stressful for you,” Leia puts her hand on Rey’s back, “women don't give birth until they feel safe, and relaxed, and I guess this place is where you do.”

“But she has three weeks to go,” Kylo repeats, like a daft parrot.

“Well, Ben, I guess this child is just as headstrong as it’s parents,” Leia shrugs, “because this is happening.”

The knights hardly breathe, and Kylo isn’t handling things much better. 

“We’re,” Trudgen breaks the spell, “having a baby!”

The boys roar, stomps their feet and claps their hands. Rey smiles faintly at them, and Kylo realizes he has to _do_ something.

“We need to get her to a doctor. Kuruk, ready the hover.”

“Are you out of your mind?” Leia growls, “You can’t have a woman in labor bumping around in that _thing!_ ”

“We could fly her to the Finalizer?” Trudgen suggests. 

“No,” Rey objects, “please…”

“But—” Kylo stutters.

“We aren’t moving her, this is her safe space,” Leia declares in a tone not even Kylo dares to question, “Kuruk, you need to _fetch_ a doctor.”

“What’s faster, the hover to the town, or the Buzzard to the Finalizer?” Kuruk shuffles to his feet.

Kylo comms Mitaka.

“Mitaka, where in orbit are you? How fast could you get a doctor down here?”

“Oh,” Mitaka sounds petrified, “it’ll be at least a couple of hours sir, we’re currently on the opposite side of the planet…”

“Put a medical team on a freighter, and have our best pilot fly them in as soon as possible.”

“Of course, sir, right away sir.”

“Kuruk, take the hover to town and bring back a doctor. How long do you need?”

“At least three hours, sir.”

“The Buzzard?”

“It’ll get there faster, but the administration for landing is insane, plus I need to get from the space port to town, and back again. I’m not sure it would buy us time.”

“The hover then. Go on, _now._ ”

Kuruk runs off the courtyard, and the hover leaves within a minute. Kylo clenches his jaw, and turns to his mother.

“Calm down, Ben,” she smiles, “this is her first time, it’ll take _hours_.”

Rey folds in two again, whimpering.

“But let’s get her inside.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s not all smiles when Leia returns, but I think they’ll get there ☺️
> 
> I’m happy to tell you that if you managed to get this far, you’ve officially read this fic’s last cliffhanger!
> 
> Guess what we’re doing next time? 😉


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I get overexcited by all of your lovely comments on the last chapter? Well, yes! Did I neglect everything today, to write this instead? Also yes!
> 
> Okay, so we’re having a baby, and I’m not trying to scare anyone from giving birth (it’s the wildest thing I’ve ever done), but I’m also not sugarcoating it, just so you know.

Leia directs Trudgen and Ushar to bring an old mattress from one of the unused guest rooms down to Rey’s house, and she orders the droid to boil water and heat up towels in the oven.

”It won’t be necessary,” Leia assures Rey, “it’s just in case.”

“Right,” Rey nods.

Kylo brings every pillow he can find and piles them against the living room wall, before sitting down in front of them. 

“Fuck, it _does_ hurt,” Rey grits out, supporting herself against the sofa.

Every contraction hurts worse than the last, in a very weird, undefinable way, it hurts in her back, her lower abdomen, and even in her kriffing _groin_. 

“Come, sit,” Kylo pats the mattress in front of him.

Rey sits down, with his long legs on either side of her, and rests her back against his chest. She tilts her head back, leaning it on his shoulder, and her eyes flutter shut as his lips brush over her cheek.

“It’ll be okay,” Kylo murmurs, but there’s a nervous edge in his voice, “the doctors are on their way…”

Rey nods, she’ll be fine, people do this all the time. Right? 

“Will you braid my hair?” Rey asks, needing something other than her rising panic to focus on.

“Of course.”

✨

Rey scoots forward, and he gets to work. His fingers are trembling worse than ever, will they make it here in time? He doesn’t know anything about the birth process really, but Leia’s preparations tells him she hasn’t ruled out the possibility of delivering the baby herself. He’s halfway through the braid, when another contraction surges through Rey, and she jerks forward, breathing through it, while squeezing his shins with a bone crushing grip. His hands follow her, still knotted in her hair, trying to not rip her hair out with its roots as she moves.

“Okay, it’s okay now,” Rey mutters, more to herself than to him. 

He finishes the braid, with the knot higher up on her head then the last time, and Rey returns to his chest.

“ _Divine femininity,”_ Leia smiles, as she walks back into the room, “good choice.”

“Fucking, kriffing, hell!” Rey wheezes, and Leia’s face turns somber.

“When was her last one?” she asks him, as Rey presses her weight into his chest.

“Half a braid ago,” Kylo responds, with a bit of a struggle, because of Rey’s attempts to crush him, “perhaps seven standard minutes?”

“It’s speeding up,” Leia walks to the door that leads to the porch and opens it, “she’ll need some air.”

It’s still pitch dark outside, and Kylo stares into the darkness, trying to keep his nerves under control. People do this all the time. Right?

✨

The contractions intensify, the pain is all consuming, blazing through every cell of her, and the pauses in between them grow shorter and shorter. His heart beats hard and fast against her back, and Leia’s face is turning far to solemn for Rey’s taste.

“Rey, sweetheart, I need to check how things are progressing,” Leia tells her, while pulling a pair of rubber gloves on, courtesy of the Buzzard’s medpack.

“Have you done it before?” Kylo grunts.

“Not _this_ part exactly,” Leia scoffs, “but I’ve been living on enough military bases to have some basic understanding of what to look for. Okay, Rey?”

Rey nods, and she can feel Kylo turning his head towards the porch, giving her some sense of privacy. It should be a terribly embarrassing experience, to have your future mother-in-law examining your insides, but Rey’s far too gone to care. She just wants all of this to _stop_. 

“Okay,” Leia retreats, “I’d say you’re almost fully dilated…”

“What does that mean?” Kylo mutters.

“It means we’ll probably be doing this on our own.”

Rey would react with horror, if the pain didn’t claim her once more. 

✨

Since her water broke, Rey’s hardly been able to communicate. Each contraction rips through her, with a brutality that scares the mighty master of Ren more than anything he’s ever lived through. Leia’s by their side, and she occasionally pats _his_ shoulder too. When the first scream presses its way through Rey’s lips, it throws Kylo back to the throne room, where she’d screamed just like this. Only that time, he’d had the power to actually _do_ something about it, but there’s no one here to strike down, it’s just Rey, going to war against her own body. Kylo has _never_ felt as utterly useless, as he’s doing right now.

“Rey, honey, try not to scream,” Leia murmurs, “you’ll need the energy. Try a mantra.”

“A fucking _mantra_?” Kylo growls at his mother.

“It’s something to mentally cling to, you go ahead and do it for her.”

Kylo searches his mind, and starts to slowly murmur the only thing he knows by heart against her temple:

“ _There is no emotion, there is peace._  
 _There is no ignorance, there is knowledge,”_ Rey’s trashing against him, and it’s impossible to know if she can even hear him, but he carries on anyways, “ _There is no passion, there is serenity._ _There is no chaos, there is harmony._ _There is no death, there is the Force.”_

How long have they been sitting here? What time is it? Kylo throws a quick glance towards the lake, but it’s still dark. He returns to his reciting of the Jedi code, Leia raises an amused eyebrow, and Rey whimpers in his arms. 

“It’s all,” she pants, in a brief break, “your fault.”

He couldn’t agree more.

✨

There’s nothing but pain. Pain, and his words in her ear. They don't make any sense, but they ground her, like an anchor, and keep her from panicking. The pain is like an ocean, pulling her under, only to return her to the surface just as she’s about to drown. There’s an odd sense of comfort in these waves, and she eventually surrenders to them, her body, and to the Force. 

✨

Rey seems to reach some new place within herself, and she manages to relax against him in the few seconds of mercy her body grants her. Kylo isn’t stupid enough to believe it’s his rambling who gets her there, but there’s not much else he can do, so he carries on repeating the code over and over. 

“You’re doing so well, Rey, just follow your instincts,” Leia encourages her, “you’ll have your baby soon.”

Kylo would praise her too, if it wasn’t for his bizarre dedication to supply something for her to mentally cling to, or whatever it was Leia had said about the mantra. A particularly rough contraction makes Rey scream again, and it doesn’t seem to subside, it just goes on and on. 

“Peace,” Rey howls, as she’s finally begins to come down from it, “is a fucking _lie_!”

“Ah,” Leia smiles, “I think it’s go-time.”

Leia asks the droid to bring the hot water, and the warm towels. While Leia puts on a new pair of gloves, Kylo turns his head to the lake again, only to find it’s not completely dark out. The first rays of sun are painting the horizon pink, and isn’t that the faint noise from the hover? It’s far away, probably still on the other side of the lake, but at least someone is fucking _coming_. Kylo shuts his eyes, and asks the Force to spare her. He can’t lose her, and especially not like this, in his useless arms, with help arriving within half an hour.

✨

Pushing is _far_ better than just waiting for another contraction to overthrow her. This hurts too, but it’s a pain she can _use_ , and Rey backs up against Kylo, shoves her heels into the mattress and uses his thighs for leverage. 

“Just follow your body,” Leia tells her, somewhere in the distance, “it knows what to do.”

✨

Kylo has seen plenty of gruesome things, but watching the woman he loves more than anything bleed like a butchered animal is too much. He once more faces the lake, trying to remember how to breathe (which is harder than usual, due to the considerable amount of pressure Rey’s putting against his chest), and momentarily shuts down. The pink haze outside is shoving the darkness of the night away, and the noise from the hover grows louder. Will they make it here in time? Can she be saved, even if they do? Fuck, he’s an idiot! He should’ve brought a fucking doctor _with_ them, straight away, how can he just keep on letting her down like this? He’s such a kriffing _idiot,_ and—

“Good job, keep going, yes, yes, you’re doing so good,” Leia’s eager voice snaps him back to reality, just in time to watch his mother catch the baby.

Leia hands the crying child to Rey immediately, and this little wet squished thing squirms against her chest. Leia covers the pair of them in a warm towel, looking as overwhelmed as Kylo feels. She nods to him, before leaving through the front door.

“You did it,” he mumbles, and presses a kiss against Rey’s drenched cheek, “you’re unbelievable, you did _so_ well!”

✨

Rey sits up straighter, still leaning against Kylo, and carefully turns the baby over. Her baby. And his. Kriffing _theirs._ She’s indeed a girl, as Rey’s always known, and she does have black hair, just as Rey’d pictured her a lifetime ago, back at the Resistance’s base. It’s not a whole lot, but it’s black, just as his. Her eyes are wide open, searching for something, and when she finds Rey’s eyes she holds her gaze, with an intense determination that _also_ reminds Rey of the baby’s father. 

“Hey, you,” she whispers, and traces one of her tiny, tiny ears with a finger.

“She did get your ears, thank the Force,” Kylo rumbles behind her.

“She did, didn’t she?” Rey can’t stop staring. 

Kylo’s left arm is cradling Rey’s midriff, but he reaches around her with his right, to gently grab his daughter’s hand. 

“Hi, little one,” he coos over Rey’s shoulder, “I’ve been waiting for you.” 

They just sit there, in the blood and sweat, spellbound by the tiny person they created, without any capacity to remember who they were before they met _her_. 

✨

She’s here. Kylo’s having a hard time grasping the concept, not only did Rey survive, she also gave him this precious, tiny, girl that looks just like her mother. Apart from the hair, that’s his, but the rest is _definitely_ Rey’s.

“I did it Jakku-style,” Rey chuckles, “I told you people do this all the time, without any doctors.”

“You’re _not_ making a habit out of this,” Kylo growls in her hair.

Rey giggles happily, as if she didn’t just spend the last hours writhing in pain. Kylo brushes his baby’s cheek, with a finger that looks absurdly large in comparison. The sound of the hover dies away, and their little bubble will soon burst. Kylo looks out over the lake one final time, and the horizon is now bathing in orange, red and the brightest of pink, and the lake mirrors it perfectly, giving the impression of the world being on fire. They haven’t discussed a name since that time when Rey got upset and left, but it’s like he’s always known, and he tentatively asks Rey:

“What about Dawn?” 

“As a name?”

“Mhm.”

“Dawn,” Rey tries it out, “Dawnie…” she runs her finger over a tiny, little nose, “it suits her.” 

”It does,” Kylo tries to swallow the lump in his throat, “she came with the light.”

And that’s how the galaxy’s most feared man breaks down, and Kylo sobs uncontrollably with his face buried in the crook of Rey’s neck. She supports little Dawn on her left arm, and reaches back with her other hand, laying it to rest on his head. Kylo holds her as tight as he dares, as if his life depends on it, and maybe it kind of does. 

✨

Leia walks back in, with a scowl on her face.

“Well, I can’t hold that _doctor_ off any longer, and there's a freighter coming in for landing now as well.”

“It’s okay,” Rey mumbles, “I guess I need to see a doctor.”

She leans forward, allowing Kylo some space to fold himself out from behind her back. He groans as he stretches to his full height, and rubs the small of his back, but he’s wise enough not to complain. A doctor barges in, with her hair in a tight bun on the top of her head, and a massive bag in her hand.

“Supreme leaders,” she greets them, “congratulations. Let’s get to business, has the placenta been delivered yet?”

It hasn’t, and Rey hands Dawn to Kylo, and relives the delivery once more, although on a smaller scale. The doctor cuts the umbilical cord, and carefully examines the tiny bundle still cradled in Kylo’s impossibly massive arms. 

“She seems perfectly healthy. And now it’s mom’s turn.”

Rey pretends there’s not a complete stranger poking around in her mashed up lower regions, no, she focuses on Kylo’s face, as he stares at his child almost without blinking, as if he’s scared she’ll fade away if he takes his eyes off of her. 

“You’re in one piece too,” the doctor declares, “and the blood loss isn’t worrisome. Just fill up with iron supplements every day for two weeks, and you’ll heal up nicely.”

“Thank you,” Rey tells her, and the doctor takes her leave.

There’s muffled voices outside, and Rey supposes the First Order medical team has arrived as well. Force, help her, if anyone else tries to get in her pants, she’s so kriffing _done_ by now.

“Will you tell them to leave?” she asks Kylo.

“No,” Kylo responds, “but I’ll tell them to stay at the freighter, standing by.”

Kylo hands Dawn back into Rey’s arms, kisses Rey’s forehead, and heads out. As soon as he steps outside, there's an ovation that practically rattles the windows. It’s just Rey and Dawn now, with a background of the boys’ clapping and cheering, and it makes Rey’s heart kriffing _explode_. _This_ is what she’s been searching for her whole life, and she’s both found it, and _created_ it; her very own family. 

✨

“Are you sure about this?” Kylo asks Rey.

“Of course I’m sure,” Rey responds, “she has to meet her uncles.”

“But—”

“We’re _fine,_ Ben, I can walk ten feet, I promise.”

Dawn’s sleeping, wrapped up in a blanket, in his arms, after she’s had the first meal of her life. Rey has also had the time to take a shower, which he, by the way, might need as well, and she’s now on her way out to the boys. Kylo knows they spent the night outside, and he supposes a quick introduction won’t hurt. Rey’s already at the door, and Kylo gets on his feet, holding Dawn flushed against his chest. Rey steps outside, and she’s greeted with an outburst of cheers. The noise quiets instantly, as soon as the boys realize Kylo’s on his way too, carrying the baby they’ve all been waiting for. Kylo moves slowly, as he steps down to the courtyard, and Rey’s smiling bigger than he’s ever seen her smile. 

“Okay, boys,” Rey grins, “let me introduce you to baby Ren, our daughter, Dawn.”

✨

The knights form a half circle, and Rey has never felt more proud. After a little while, Trudgen pulls her into a hug.

“You’re such a fucking warrior,” he mumbles.

“Thank you,” she whispers back, while clinging to him.

Trudgen lets her go, and Rey watches him stare at Dawn with an unspoken longing in his eyes. He’s been with her every step of the way, ever since he picked her up from the ground on Ajan Kloss, and her heart clenches at the thought.

“Do you want to hold her, Trudgen?” she asks, ignoring Kylo, who tries to object by clearing his throat.

“Can I?”

Rey turns to Kylo, raises an inquiring eyebrow, and he nods. Trudgen sits down on one of the chairs, and Kylo places Dawn in his arms.

“Watch her neck,” he growls, in a tone that’s laced with a lethal threat. 

The other boys fans out around them, but Trudgen doesn’t seem to notice anything but the newborn in his arms.

“Hi, Dawn,” he breathes, almost inaudible, “I’m your uncle, Trudgen.”

Rey aggressively rubs her eyes with the back of her hands. Trudgen eventually drags is gaze of Dawn, and declares:

“I’d die for this child.”

“It’s kind of part of your job description,” Kylo scoffs. 

“Fuck my job,” Trugen huffs back, “I’d die for her just because I want her safe.”

“Well,” Kylo’s ears turn pink, and his voice wavers, “ _thank_ _you._ ”

And then there’s no use for Rey’s hopeless attempts at stopping her tears, because they’re practically pouring from her eyes now. Kylo wraps her into his arms, and strokes her neck.

“You did good, mama,” he whispers, “you did good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaah, I’ve so many things to say about this!!!
> 
> First, I hope I haven’t scared anyone from having kids, giving birth is insane in many ways, but also totally awesome.
> 
> Second, mantras do work! Well, they might not be for everyone, but I found it to be incredibly helpful.
> 
> Third, I was so happy when so many of you suggested nature-inspired names, because it gave me the confidence to name baby Ren Dawn. It’s a nod to my first fictional love, Buffy, and I also find it incredibly fitting to have both of Kylo’s girls named after different kinds of light.
> 
> Aaaah, I never written anything this sappy, I hope I didn’t overdo it!!!! Thank you all, for reading, it means the world to me ❤️


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! So this is it. I can’t believe I’ve written this thing, if someone would’ve asked me to write 150+ pages in a language that’s not mine, I would’ve told them I couldn’t, but here I am, and it’s all thanks to you.

Dawn’s a perfectly content baby. Well, she is as long as she’s in someone’s arms, and since no one can stand hearing her cry she’s constantly traveling between the arms of Rey, Kylo, Leia and each one of the boys. The only time she’s not being held is at night, when she sleeps between Rey and Kylo, in a makeshift nest of twisted blankets, which are functioning as a bumper around her. She’s not _completely_ happy with that arrangement, so her parents sleep with their heads resting on the bumper, and their fingers gently covering her chest. Rey has confiscated Kylo’s saber, because during Dawn’s first night, he sprang to his feet and ignited it, in some half awake attempt to protect his family. There’s now a permanent scorch mark slashed across Rey’s beautiful white ceiling, and she’s not having any more of _those._ She’s keeping the weapon on her side of the bed, and when Kylo wakes up, to rip some nonexistent threat apart, he’s forced to use his hands instead. He still crashes his head against the ceiling every night, when he jumps out of bed, but at least he can’t accidentally hurt Dawn this way. 

“Come back to bed,” Rey whispers, “you're dreaming.”

“Huh?” Kylo spins around to stare at her, and it’s like he’s trying to remember where he is and why.

“Ben, go back to sleep,” Rey orders softly, “you have two knights and a kriffing platoon of troopers standing guard at all times, I think we’re safe.” 

“Oh, yeah. Right,” Kylo rubs the top of his head, and shuffles back under the covers.

“But thank you, son of darkness” Rey teases, “we’re grateful for your dedication.”

“Shut up, _Jedi_.”

✨

When Dawn’s four days old Kylo’s forced to return to the Finalizer. Trudgen almost jumps out of his chair when Kylo declares he needs a copilot, and for once Kuruk doesn’t object. Kylo shouldn’t have asked, he should’ve just _told_ Kuruk to stop swarming around Leia and tag along instead, but, here he is, walking to the Buzzard with Trudgen the puppy by his side. 

“Are you going to meet your girlfriend?” Kylo mutters, as they strap in.

“I don’t do girlfriends, boss, you know that.”

“So you won’t mind coming with me during today’s meetings?”

“Well… I… if you want me to, I mean, it doesn’t matter,” Trudgen mumbles.

“You’ll have the day off at the ship,” Kylo muses casually, “I promised Rey you’d get to see… Estelle?”

“ _Stella_ ,” Trudgen exclaims happily, and quickly turns pink when he realizes he walked straight into Kylo’s trap.

“That’s the young lady,” Kylo smirks, and breaks atmo. 

✨

Even the rains on Naboo are soft. Rey sits out on her porch, which thankfully has a small roof, with Leia by her side, listening to the droplets. Leia’s holding Dawn, and she’s staring at her face, as if she’s hypnotized. 

“It’s hard to believe Ben used to be this small…” Leia mumbles absentmindedly, “I missed so much of it, while rebuilding the senate…”

Rey doesn’t know what to say, so she stays silent.

“You can’t make the same mistakes as I did,” Leia states solemnly.

“What were they?” Rey murmurs back, even though she has a few suggestions of her own.

“I overestimated my importance to the galaxy, and underestimated my importance to him.”

“I know what’s like, to miss your parents,” Rey’s answers carefully, “Dawn won’t.”

“I’m glad,” Leia mumbles, but her face says the opposite. 

“Don’t forget about Snoke,” Rey brushes Leia’s arm, “he’s the one who took your boy.”

“Yes,” Leia sighs, “but it was me and Han who let him.”

Rey can’t argue with that, she just retreats back to silence, and Leia doesn’t seem to mind. 

✨

”Jan Salleo told me you’re more popular than me now,” Kylo tells Rey, after he’s returned to the resort.

“Really?” Rey beams.

“It’s not the hardest of competitions to win, you know, there’s been bantha’s more popular than me.”

“That’s probably true,” Rey carefully hands the baby over to him, “what else did he say?” 

“He recommended us to use our momentum and feed the public a bit more, to establish your new position,” Kylo holds Dawn close to his heart, “Hi, little one.”

“And did he have any suggestions on what to feed them?”

“Yeah,” Kylo nods to the bundle in his arms, “her. He thinks we should make a birth announcement.”

Rey scrunches her nose, and Kylo briefly wonders if Dawn will do the same when she’s older.

“What did you say?”

“That I have to run it by you, but I think it might be a smart move, people like babies,” Kylo lifts Dawn closer to his face, “they do Dawnie, it’s true.”

“I’m not doing anything live for a while,” Rey mutters.

“Maybe just an official holophoto?”

“Yeah, alright.”

✨

Trudgen travelled to the closest clothing store as soon as he heard about the photoshoot, and returned with a dress. It’s in a gentle hue of green, with a sheer layer covering it, and with loose sleeves in the same sheer fabric. The top layer is embroidered with flowers and leaves, and it wouldn’t be Nabooian without velvet, so Trudgen tops the outfit off by tying a velvet ribbon at Rey’s waist. 

“We’re playing at your femininity today,” Trudgen declares, “to emphasize your new role of motherhood.”

“Nobody could ever tend to a child dressed like _this_ ,” Rey objects.

“Please, Rey, we’re talking _symbolism_ here.”

“What will he be wearing?” Rey pouts, and nods to Kylo, who’s dressed in his usual black tunic, pants, heavy boots and leather gloves. 

“That,” Trudgen sighs, “but he _is_ taking his gloves off.”

“Huh?” Kylo looks up from Dawn, who’s sleeping in his arms, “No, I’m not, I’m always wearing them in public.”

“For fuck’s sake, will the two of you just do as I say? Again, it’s _symbolism_ , sir, we want to portray you as a committed family man, and not like the crazy killing machine we all know and love.”

“How do _you_ even know all of this?” Rey squints at Trudgen.

“The options on how to spend your spare time is rather limited, if you’re a trooper,” Trudgen scoffs, “I watched Gretza and Thea every day, for _years_ , just like all of the others probably still do, and it’s impossible not to pick a thing or two up.”

Kylo pinches the bridge of his nose with his free hand, but he eventually pulls his gloves off.

✨

Getting the shot was a hassle, mainly because of Kylo himself. He’d missed his old mask, and been highly uncomfortable as the photographer tried to immortalize him and the girls. In the end, they choose a holo that was shot without their knowledge, during a short break. Their chosen holo is now floating in front of them, and the rest of the galaxy, and it shows Rey’s looking down at Dawn, with a soft smile, and Kylo, who’s turned his head to listen to Rey, leaning in ever so slightly. He’s not smiling exactly, he does still have an image to live up to, but he looks… content? 

“Isn’t this the most amazing treat?” Gretza half shouts over the hologram.

“It _is,_ ” Thea agrees, equally excited, “the Supreme leader’s has welcomed their first child, and we’ve been asked to pass the following statement forward;” Thea stops to take a breath, before continuing, “The Supreme leader’s Kylo Ren and Rey of Jakku are delighted to announce the birth of their daughter. She’s now seven days old, and her name is Dawn. Both mother and child are in excellent health, and Supreme leader Rey of Jakku expects to return to office shortly. The Supreme leader’s are touched by the galaxy’s outpour of love and support, and they are determined to continue to be of service to the galaxy, and to all beings in it.”

“Who wrote this?” Rey scoffs.

“Mitaka,” Kylo grunts.

“A bit pompous, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” Kylo nods absentmindedly, still staring at the holo.

He would never admit it out loud, and give Trudgen the satisfaction of being right, but Rey _does_ look gloriously feminine in that dress. She’s looking like some kind of spirit of nature, who’s cradling this perfect child, that’s apparently _his_ too. 

“Rey of Jakku once more chose to wear Nabooian, what do you make of this dress, Gretza?”

“It’s truly stunning, and very different from the gown we saw her in last time. While that dress was screaming ‘ _I got this’_ , this one is more of a whisper, a soft promise of love and care.”

“They actually sound a lot like Trudgen,” Rey snickers. 

“Did I hear my name?” Trudgen waltzes in, with a fuzzy baby in his arms, “She’s hungry.”

“Hand her over,” Rey reaches over Kylo, who snaps his hands up to support the exchange.

“You need to be _careful_ ,” he frowns, “both of you.”

“We _are,”_ Rey unbuttons her shirt, “she’s not made of glass, you know.”

✨

Leia and Kuruk return late in the evening. Rey pretended, earlier this morning, that she didn’t notice the fact that they chose to leave for their outing on a day when Kylo won’t be back for the night, and she’s now pretending that she doesn’t notice the pink stains on the General’s cheeks and the glitter in Kuruk’s eyes. Trudgen isn’t here either, since he definitely didn’t wish to return to the Finalizer for some _girl,_ so Rey tries to throw a meaningful glance at Vicrul instead, but he doesn’t pick it up. 

“Rey, sweetheart, I commed with Finn today,” Leia beams, “he wanted me to tell you congratulations.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Leia grins, “he also said that he misses you.”

“ _Really?”_

“Yes, but he _also_ said he’s extremely pissed off about this whole supreme leader-charade.” 

“I’d probably be too, I guess.”

“And, I got you something!”

Rey has never seen the General like this, she’s almost _giddy,_ and Rey’s certainly not planning on asking what the two of them spent their day doing. Leia pulls a gorgeous piece of fabric out of her bag, pitch black, and littered with stars and small dots, all of them woven with a golden thread. 

“It’s beautiful,” Rey runs her hands over it, “but what is it?”

“You wrap your baby in it, and carry her with you!” Leia sounds triumphant, and perhaps a tiny bit tipsy, “Since our little spoiled brat,” Leia smiles and nods at Dawn in Ap’leks arms, “doesn’t accept the hover crate, I figured this might work.”

✨

Dawn’s almost three weeks old on her first trip to space. Rey steps off the Buzzard, into the hangar, with Dawn securely wrapped against her chest in some kind of baby sling. Kylo’s spent the night at the Finalizer, and he strides towards them as if they haven’t seen each other for weeks. 

“Hi,” he mumbles, pressing a kiss against Rey’s cheek.

“Hi,” Rey grins, slips one hand into the crook of his arm, and waves to a man, who looks more like a mouse, with her other.

“Did she do okay?” he asks, as they begin to move through the ship.

“She’s been sleeping since we left Naboo, no problems at all.”

“Good.” 

Kylo still finds it extremely weird to think about the prospect of being allowed to keep both of the girls for the rest of his life. It’s been a second, yet a lifetime, since he first met Rey, and even if _he_ was drawn in as soon as he saw her, he’s never truly dared to believe that she would _choose_ him. Poor Dawn, on the other hand, she didn’t have much of a choice, did she? 

“You’re smiling,” Rey squeezes his arm.

“I’m definitely not,” Kylo huffs, “I never smile, ask anyone.” 

✨

The plan of using Leia as a nanny had been great, but the plan has one major flaw; she can’t come onboard any of the Order’s ships, since she’s still officially the leader of the Resistance. So, she’s returned to Kashyyyk, until Rey and Dawn travel back to Naboo next time, and Kuruk isn’t happy about it. Rey sticks to her original plan, and keeps on pretending, this time that she has no idea why he’s being so prickly. She strongly suspects that Kylo already knows, but that he, too, chooses to pretend that he doesn’t. It’s just when the two knights spar together that one might pick up on a slight strain between them, as they both try to end each other most earnestly. Rey’s tagged along to the training hall, and sits on the side with Trudgen next to her. 

“I don’t get why Kuruk is so crossed with _him_?” she mutters, as Kuruk runs head first into Kylo’s chest, looking more like a bull than a man.

”You don’t?” Trudgen doesn’t even look up from Dawn, “There’s always two sides to a story, and Kuruk hasn’t been told Kylo’s, that’s for sure.”

Kylo drags Kuruk with him as he falls, and they land heavily in a heap of thrashing limbs. 

“Is this even sparring,” Ap’lek grunts, “they’re fucking wrestling.”

“It’s a disgrace,” Vicrul agrees. 

“They just need to have it out,” Trudgen shrugs, “establishing new dynamics and shit.”

“Force, I long to train again,” Rey groans, as Kylo tries to smash Kuruk face first into the mat.

“Will it be soon?” Ap’lek asks.

“She’s six weeks now, I’m having a check-up tomorrow, so hopefully I’m good after that.”

“Give her to me,” Vicrul nudges Trudgen’s shoe with his own.

“No way, look how happy she is when she’s with me,” Trudgen coos, and earns a toothless giggle from the baby in his lap, “‘cause I’m your favorite, aren’t I, Dawnie? Look, she totally agrees!”

“Trudgen,” Rey sighs, “you need to share.” 

✨

Kuruk might be a rather huge ass at the moment, but he’s modified Dawn’s hover crate, making it rock back and forth in the air, and Dawn actually accepted to sleep in it once, for a short period of time. Kylo supposes Kuruk might have a few good sides after all, because this could mean that he might get like five minutes of alone time with Rey. He’s been very careful not to push her in any way, but fuck, how he longs to get her naked again, or, she doesn’t even have to be totally naked, like semi-naked would be perfect. Just five minutes without any of them bouncing around with Dawn in their arms feels like a complete necessity by now, and Kylo promises himself that if Kuruk’s crate work, he’ll at least _think_ about forgiving him for the whole Leia-thing. Rey suddenly barges in, with Dawn in her arms.

“Hey,” she exclaims, “the doctor told me I’m allowed to start training again!”

“You’ll go easy, right?”

“Of course!” Rey looks at him up and down, “Should I try putting her down in her crate?”

“You could try.”

Rey carefully puts the sleeping baby in her crate, and pushes the remote to make it move in a steady rhythm. Dawn tenses up, and both Kylo and Rey hold their breath, but she relaxes and falls back into her slumber. Kylo turns his gaze at Rey, only to find that she’s already looking at him.

“You need to get an implant,” she breathes, “I’m not allowed, not until I’ve stopped nursing.”

“I,” Kylo can feel his ears heating up, “already have one.”

“What? No, are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure,” Kylo smirks, and pulls his shirt off, “here.”

He points at the inside of his left biceps, and Rey tentatively palpates it with her fingers. She finds the tiny little chip, and frowns.

“But your skin is completely healed? When did you get this?”

“Well,” his ears are once again on fire, “I had it put in the day after Life Day.”

“But that’s when we…?”

“Yeah, I know you said it was a one time thing, but I got it just to be safe, _if_ I’d ever managed to lure you into sleeping with me again…” Kylo clears his throat, “I figured it would complicate things, if I accidentally knocked the last Jedi up.”

“The audacity!” Rey gasps, and smacks his chest, “If I hadn’t gotten pregnant I _never_ would’ve slept with you again.”

“Really?” he steps closer to her, and her eyes grow wide.

“Truly,” she breathes, “or, at least I would’ve _tried_ not to sleep with you again.”

“And how would’ve that worked out for you?” Kylo murmurs close to her ear.

“Great,” Rey whispers, “it wouldn’t have been any trouble at all.”

“I think,” he kisses her down her neck, “you’re lying.”

✨

She _is_ lying. She vividly remembers all of the nights when she relived the events of Life Day, and how her nightly fantasies had started to physically hurt, because of her pent-up kriffing yearning. And here he is, with his hands, and lips, and the voice, and every other part of him she ever dreamt of, and it’s all _hers_.

“I am lying,” she mumbles into his hair, “I’d find my way to you, somehow, no matter what.”

“I—” Kylo falters, and rises back up, “you—”

He takes a deep breath, and starts over, in the voice she’s never been able to handle:

“Should I undo your hair?” his fingers slips behind her neck.

“I’d want you to, but, I think we need to be a bit more time efficient, don’t you?”

“I’ll take them apart later then, scavenger,” he presses his lips against hers, “Jedi,” and again, “ _empress._ ”

She almost squeals when he drags her into bed with him. 

“I’m none of those things,” she whispers back, “I’m yours.”

“And I am yours, _cyar’ika_ , just yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m ending this super open, so that I have the opportunity to pick these babies back up, if I find some new adventures for them 🌌
> 
> Visuals, because I love them:  
> [The most gorgeous baby sling ever.](https://www.oschaslings.com/shop/babywearing/baby-wrap/silent-night-candlelight-baby-wrap/)  
> [Dress.](https://pin.it/2cGAPd1)
> 
> Thank you all again, for reading, cheering me on, and for helping me find the joy of writing again. I can’t express what that means to me. I hope you’ve enjoyed my take on the space idiots and their entourage. 
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you, and may the Force be with you, always ✨


End file.
